Out of the Spin Cycle...Poems and rambles..

Seems like the Lord is speaking to me lately, since I just started Jen Hatmaker's devotional and the prologue is this poem.  Clearly I can relax and just remember that I'm not alone in my thoughts...that we should all just take it easy and pursue God.  She is a fun person to read.  Does that even make sense? I enjoy reading her writing, because she writes to authentically. I value that.

Before I let you read that...we can talk about a couple things.

I just made these.

and these.

I had these Medjool dates and a hankering for something yummy, but I don't want sugar. So...boom.

Dates can work magic people.  

Dates and Coconut Oil.

Ugly but awesome.

Aren't some of the best of us? 

Oh, give it a rest, just kidding.

We closed on our old house today. 

Official end of a chapter of our lives.

I went over and took some pictures the other day of the boys, sitting in front of the house.

It's hard to get two year olds to sit still. I digress, this topic for another post.

With my NEW (old) camera.

Remember, (oh, wait, you don't remember because I didn't blog at all in December...) that my camera got stolen out of my car while I was running? Well, I just got insurance to give me more money to buy a new one.

Then, I bought from online vendors because Columbus, GA doesn't have good places to buy nice cameras.  So, alas, (9weeks later) I finally  have a new camera.

But it's the same as my old one.

So, not that thrilling.

And it didn't come with a cute ruffled camera strap.

Alright. Life is pretty sweet. Sitting on the front porch of my rental house. Enjoying a nice Georgia March day (the only month you can sit outside without freezing or burning alive...).  Life is good.

I hope you have a fabulous day. Especially after you read this.

A (Fairly Lame) Ode to Mothers

An ode to the marvelous woman called "Mother"

Though not one of us is exactly like another.

From the second we're born to the minute we die

Our preferences are as limitless as stars in the sky.

We might have been perfectly gracious before

But childbirth entered us in the Mommy War.

Rather than letting everyone else be

We criticize parenting that isn't exactly like . . . me.

So once and for all let me put this to rest

None of us owns the title of "best."

Natural childbirth does not make you a hippy 

Epidurals are not just for women who want to feel trippy.

In a bathtub with a doula or in a hospital bed

We all got a baby with limbs and a head.

Nursing is great if nothing goes wrong

But some nipples turn inward and refuse to play along.

This is a choice for each mom - it's her route

So it's just A + B and everyone else can C their way out.

Schedules and timers do not make you cruel

Feeding on demand does not make you a fool.

In the nursery with a monitor or in the family bed

Every chick gets to pick where her baby lays his head.

If I see one more mom roll her eyes at "organic . . . "

"Partially hydrogenated" throws some of us into panic.

But neither judge Sonic burgers and fries

Some of us just want to enjoy food before we die.

Preschool, home school, public, or Montessori

Listen, my friends, and I'll tell you a story:

Two moms differed on favorite school trends

Their kids turned out pretty much the same. The end.

If a girl gets the title of "mom" accidentally

The worst thing we can do is treat her judgmentally.

How about some love, some help, some advice?

She needs our love and we shouldn't think twice.

Discipline through various methods will prevail

Look, we're all just trying to keep our kids out of jail.

These things are just preferences, not right or wrong

What matters more is teaching our kids to get along -

To love and to share, to speak gently and kind,

To obey so that mom won't go out of her mind.

Showing them Jesus is our common ground

Teaching them how he can always be found.

He's present in public school and Waldorf (so trendy)

He's over at Whole Food but also at Wendy's.

Jesus never cared about these sorts of things

It's our hearts that he wants and the worship we bring.

It's time for us moms to declare a truce

Regardless if we buy Capri Sun or 100 percent juice.

My way is not your way, and your way isn't mine

But both of our kids will turn out just fine.

Rather than judging and looking down our noses

Let's enjoy the common ground motherhood poses.

As believers, we all love the same good Lord

We all have children who tell us "I'm bored."

We all need more sleep that these tiny five hours

Most of us struggle to find time for a shower.

We haven't been to the bathroom alone in an age

Our mothers have all told us, "Relax, this is just a stage."

We all love our babies so much we could die

We'd take a bullet for each one without batting an eye.

Though we are different , we're in the same tribe

Motherhood requires a similar vibe-

Love and affection, sacrifice and grace

Laugher, which keeps the whole mechanism in place.

Though different, by the grace of God, I suspect:

ALL our children will rise up and call us collect.

A little rusty, but I'm back. Judging you!

Oh, blog friends. it has been a while. November 29, to be exact.
I guess you can take that as a good sign. :) I am fully engaged in my parenting.
That...and.. since the beginning of the year I have started a job (a very fun one), moved, unpacked, closed on a house and made an offer on a new house...with the closing in 30 days if it gets approved on Monday.  WOW.  
Life with two toddlers is immeasurably more busy than I could have anticipated. But honestly, I. LOVE. IT.

this post...it must stand alone about something near and dear to me. judgement. No, i don't love judgement. I don't love when others judge me. And I don't love judging others.
But let's be honest. You judge me. That's right, I'm talking to you. We ALL do it. Unintentionally. Intentionally. It just happens. You walk by me and my kids, and you make judgements whether you mean to or not.  I walk by your kids and make judgements whether I mean to or not.  They range from sweet to quite snarky.
 "They are cute", "They are snotty and gross, if they were mine I would clean them up"(surely you have never thought that about my snotty snotty children?? :)  "Wow, I love how she talks to her kids, I want to be that way" "Wow, I wonder how she has two children, one black and one white..."  "I can't believe she feeds her children processed foods" "Why does she work when she could be at home?" "Why does she complain about money if she's going to stay at home?" "Why doesn't she homeschool if she was a teacher" "Why would they EVER homeschool? It's such a weird thing to do" "Why do they choose to spend money on this and not that?" "Why don't they .... (it goes on and on and on...)
Do you know what's funny? How drastically my judgements changed after one child. How SORRY I was for many judgements I had made. I lost a baby. I had to choose whether to carry a life. I will never EVER judge someone in that spot. I would have before. But now I get it. I had Finn.  I thought, "Oh goodness, if I knew how hard this was, I never would have judged" "If I knew how awesome but challenging nursing was, I would have given moms grace"
Oh, but then number two came along. And those of you with two children....you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
The perfectly manicured finger nails. The bathtime every night. A thing of the past. The well groomed hair? We're lucky to have hair that is washed, mmkay?  The snot on the face. The hair smattered to the forehead with ketchup. "Well, at least they aren't biting each other", us mothers of two think.
But then some of us, who really have it together, we judge others on their friends food choices or choices of schooling.  "Why doesn't she feed her kids whole foods?"  "Why does she choose public school when she could home school"? 
Do you know what's pretty funny? AFTER we go through something, if we are compassionate people, SUDDENLY, we have GRACE for others that have walked the same path.  Other paths? NO! The path we walked? Of course!  
Do you know what I think? I think we should all take it easy and give each other some grace. I think we should listen to what Jesus says and love one another as we would love ourselves. I think we should remember that in this world....we will have trouble. WE will SIN.  (ROMANS 3:23 For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God) We will make mistakes. We will JUDGE. (JAMES 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?)   But instead of sitting by and looking at our brothers and sisters in christ thinking "Why did they do that?"...why don't we come alongside them and say, "Let's walk through this together, whether I agree with you or not".  
And I don't know about you...but I want others to see my faults. Disagree with me. Love me ANYWAY.   See my mess. My disorganization. LOVE ME ANYWAY. See my timeliness (LACK OF), my tardy, swift driving to make it seem like I just got stuck at stoplights but really couldn't quite get myself out the door in time...LOVE ME ANWAY See the corndogs that your child ate from my child's bag at the church nursery...and LOVE ME ANYWAY (Because the rest of the week, I SWEAR, we are corn dog free...)

We're a mess. We need grace. ESPECIALLY my husband and kids.  BWAHAHAHA>  JK. This past weekend at the marriage retreat our church put on, the speaker talked about how we see our sin as tiny and everyone else (especially our spouse's) sin as GREAT.  This is true for me. I think it might be at the root of our judgement. So I will give grace.

GRACE=forgiveness (that we don't deserve)

It's the hardest thing to give.

Through God alone I can give grace to my family..my friends.

My sin is small you see :) 

Okay, so as we give each other grace.  and love each other well... Well, I just needed to add another picture, plus, I should just tell you... I'll show you my new job.  This is a picture for the bio I made for it. It's something that I have been a part of for a while. It's called "STROLLER STRONG MOMS". It's very little time commitment. When I say job, I mean 2-6 hours a week, FYI. :) I'll leave it at that and give you some more to look at tomorrow...or the next time I have a moment to breathe and type...could be months...

I've got so much to tell you about...so much on my mind... Created for Care Adoption Retreat...Moving...Life in Georgia...Life on a church staff....Eating healthy...working out....BALANCING LIFE... :) Blog world, I've missed you.

Resting in Weakness

Do you ever feel like Satan just attacks you in the places where you are the weakest...the most vulnerable? I feel like he knows my weak spots and he just sucker punches me. I like to be liked. I like for others to feel loved by me, and I like to feel the same in return. I like it when I am part of a community, especially within our church. I am used to a strong community in the army, and within our church. Now the Army is gone for us. And we WORK for the CHURCH. So now community looks different. There is something about working for the church that alienates you just a bit. Since you now work for the church, you must be extra holy: false. Since you work for the church, you must have only super holy friends: false Since you work for the church, all the hanging out you do HAS to be ministry related: false (in my opinion) Church used to be a place where I served, OFTEN. Now, we serve and we work...and I don't like thinking of this place I love as work.  
AH! But I pressure myself into feeling like if we don't have enough volunteers one weekend, it's because I haven't done enough.  (HELLO, do I think I'm God? I am such a miniscule vessel in the process of even our church, I don't know why I take such crazy emotional ownership).  If I hear people have moved on to another church, my heart feels broken.  Not because I don't like other churches...in fact, I'm a big fan of many churches in our town....but I feel like I did something wrong. (once again, so SELF centered).  I often don't want to  leave my kids in our church nursery because I don't want them to drive away our carefully recruited volunteers...(do you know how hard it is to get people to volunteer their precious time....?!?!  I don't want them to listen to my screaming kids....who never leave their mom and have major separation issues...GAH, another thing I said I would never do...) Satan loves to prey on the areas where we are weak.'
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9
Tonight, I am going to choose to rest here.  In my weakness. In the areas I fail. I will remember that ministry is not about me. It is about bringing people into a place where they know the one true, living God. So that they may know the peace that passes all understanding.  That moves mountains, storms in the sea...and creates children in our wombs...not about me.
Because posts are boring without photos:
In other, not so deep news, my kids love sitting outside and watching the garbage trucks come by.  My kids, and everyone elses...

At this point, we decided to yell at the garbage men to say hello.  They waved.  The prisoners do our garbage collection, so I was glad we were making some new friends.

Took these boys to the doctor today.  Eli got 4 shots.  Which he hated.  Poor guy had to start all over with shots at 15  months because we weren't sure what Ethiopia gave us. We got no shot records, although one day he was out "getting vaccines", so I know they gave him something...today was his second big round.

Finn has ANOTHER ear infection.  It is almost time for tubes.  This is #9.  He is 11 months old.  Getting away from Army insurance is one sad reality.  No more "free" services.....we're now looking at meeting our $2500 deductible for tubes. SHEW!.  Insurance is not pretty sometimes.

You know what I do when I'm overwhelmed with insurance deductibles? I kick back in my child size camping chair and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse :)

Crib snuggles...

Where do you suppose this photo was taken? 

On a couch?  In a pack and play? on the floor?

No. No. NO.

I heard Finn laughing.

I heard Brandon laughing.

walked back to the nursery.

And I found this.

BRANDON, INSIDE FINN'S CRIB.

This figures. So sweet.  

We have been busy. It feels like we are constantly sick (finn and i). I feel like Satan is sort of attacking us in a place where we are vulnerable...our health.  But today I feel good, so I'll take it!

We've been looking at houses with my mom and dad.  We are trying to get them to move to Georgia. :)  They have always wanted to live on the water...and it sure is a buyers market.

My mom is still working, but my dad is retired. I would love to have them nearby. 

Plus, a view like this wouldn't be sad for anyone.

:)  We will see what happens.

We also like visiting Kentucky. No pressure to them :)

One of my friends got Eli out of his room recently and took this photo of him.  We had that toy when we were there, so I hope it made him think of us :)  Look at this hair getting a little big. I don't know what to do with that craziness!!  Poor guy might end up with a shaved head if I can't figure it out.  But the curls are so cute, I don't want to do that.

He is so sweet. Looks to be balancing on his own, which is a big step.  I don't want him to walk without me, but I want him to make progress, so I'm not opposed to anything.

Sweet Memories

This makes me cry EVERY TIME I WATCH IT!
There is no feeling like meeting your son.
Even if he cries a little.
Then there is poor finn on my back, he's not sure what to do either :)
These moments and the progress we made that week help me to get through these days.

These memories are similar to those you have at the hospital. When you think back, you think , "Gosh, you were so small. I remember the moment I first saw you. I remember when you first cried in the night..."  These are our "new parent" moments and memories with him.  Next time we see him, he will be 3 months older (hopefully less).  I would compare it to your child being in the NICU across the globe...

Trying to walk with Gigi

Our sweet boy and his snaggleteeth... :)

The leaning crawler...at the beginning of the week he wouldn't crawl at all.

I kept throwing his toys far away so he had to get them...

Crawling a little lopsided, but he was doing it by a couple days into our visit!

And although the sweet guy can be a little bit unsure, he loves to play!

Sweet Finn got his first tooth on the plane ride to Ethiopia and his second one right after we arrived. He spent a lot of time running his tongue over his new teeth.  

I know updates have been sparse here lately.  I am trying to enjoy these days with Finn, really mourning that they are the last ones that we get just us.  But also childproofing and rejoicing that soon we will have a new brother.  We are so excited about that!  Finn is rolling all around.  If I walk out of the room he will have rolled across the room looking for me!

We haven't heard anything from embassy or our agency.  It will be four weeks since court on Tuesday.  That means we are probably about one third of the way there!  That seems encouraging to me!  I have had friends there almost continuously so far playing with him.  When the last one leaves, that will be very  hard, because noone I know will be going over there to play anytime soon.  That breaks my heart!

I hope you all are having a wonderful Sunday.

Today, I left Finn in the nursery for two services at church while I served the school age kids.  I tried to get him to take a bottle with no luck.  In the past, when he has taken them, he will take them if they are warm (this was not) and if I am not around.  Today, he refused, even though he was starving. It could have been the temperature...but.. Any tips? If I leave this guy for 7 DAYS (slight panic at the mere words), I definitely need him confidently taking a bottle before I leave!!  I am really praying about leaving him home and going tiwth Brandon to get Eli.  He would be with my in laws, who were going to go with us, so I feel very comfortable with that....but not with the idea of leaving him and being on the other side of the world.  Maybe we should start with one night?? It's all hard...but I definitely need him to be used to a bottle of breast milk...and..has anyone pumped for a week and kept their supply?

I am SO HAPPY we took him on our first trip. NO REGRETS AT ALL. But, he will be mobile for our next trip...and I don't want to be trying to transition home to Georgia with Eli while dealing with a possibly sick (I'm talking colds, not big illness...) Finn as well.  I haven't written off the idea...but I am trying to look at options.  Plus, taking him in the car there was crazy....horrible pollution, no car seats, etc.(He threw up every time we got out of the car there)..so we ended up staying at the transition home most of the time...and I would love to get to see Eli's place of birth,etc, which we can't do if we have Finn...so...just some thinking points.

ANYWAY. Thanks for reading all the rambling. I love that so many of you have followed our journey!

Watch out for momma bear!

oh goodness, watch out ladies, because four month old finn is turning into a handsome little man! he has always been handsome, but now he is starting to look a little less 'baby' and a lot more 'boy'. I'm not saying I'm happy about it...but trying to embrace it, because come on, he will grow whether we like it or not!

No joke, I did not enhance his eyes.  Got them from his dad.  I ran a basic preset over the photo, but I didn't brighten his eyes up.  Crazy little guy and his bright blue, gorgeous eyes.  And the drool.  One month of drool now.  Waiting for the tooth, but not in a any hurry to have it either :)

Let me tell you about my crazy momma bear instinct that I had no idea that existed until I had children.  I didn't even know it happened, but let me tell you it does!  I am sure you all have it, in one way or another.  The way I hear parents talk about their kids, "Little Johnny is so naughty when he does this, I wish he would stop", but the minute anyone else talks about little johnny, you better watch out!  It's not okay anymore :)

I have seen this in several instances with my children, briar included, two of which I will give examples of, but neither of which were that "big of a deal".  I am sure the other person didn't recognize that the situation even happened and probably didn't even think to say anything to me about it, because it was that minor.

Okay, here we go.  First, we'll talk about Finn.  I stay at home with him.  I love being with him.  I leave him with Brandon once every couple of days to run an errand.  Other than that, he has hung out with my friend Terri (holla for a screaming child!) and my friend Karlisa's mom, the childcare workers at fitness for women (5 times), max fitness (3 times) {WHY AM I TELLING YOU, YOU DON"T CARE...SORRY! JUST MAKING A POINT..}....oh, and the grandparents...but needless to say, he has not been away from me that much.  So leaving him is a big deal.  I try not to be one of "those parents", so I have been trying to leave him with people more...but at the same time...he won't be spoiled people, he's four months old.  And if he does get spoiled, well...then we'll deal with that :)

ANYWAY, I left him at our church nursery. I trust them.  They know him.  I knew he would be fine.  I left him sleeping with his airplane engine (sounding) noise machine, and a cover over his car seat.  Sleep should have lasted an hour at least.  When I get back, about 50 minutes later, he is being held by a worker.  I ask if he was fussy and she said, "Well that white noise was pretty loud and he MUST be hungry", then she said, " He sure is a serious baby".  I felt fine until she said the last part.  I mean, I can say that he is serious.  But when you tell me he is serious (unless you're a family member, who can make those comments :), it is like saying, "Wow, that scarf is interesting" or "Your hair is different looking".  I wouldn't call them insults, but I certainly wouldn't classify them as compliments either!  So, of course, i couldn't stay quiet.  i said, "Well, he smiles all the time for me".  {really? why did I feel the need to say that? she wasn't being mean, just making an observation!  see what i mean??  momma bear is coming out!}.

Then there is example number two.  Involving Eli.  Well, since I can't show his real photo online, but I can show it in person, I am desperate to show off my child to others.  You can find me flashing it to the workers at Starbucks, my dental hygenist, etc.  So, when my 5:30am workout buddies (random acquaintances who I have been seeing at the gym for 4.5 years..>} asks about  my "new" baby, I proudly get out my phone to show a picture of Eli.  Although Finn is my "new" baby, most of the people there have already seen him.  To make sure we were talking about the same child, I said, "This is the newest baby who we are adopting".  As I held out the phone to show him (an older man, in his 60's}, he seemed confused and then uninviting.  He looked at me, almost disappointed, then said, "Oh, well where is the picture of YOUR baby?"...insinuating that Eli is not mine..?!  Also, looking at his photo, and making me feel a very distinct sense of RACIAL prejudice.  I cannot read minds, but I feel pretty certain that there was something bothering him about the way my child looked.  And that made me so mad!!!  I know that I have to prepare myself for a lifetime of weird questions about his race and his place in our family, but as far as I'm concerned, he is just as much "my" child as Finn is.  He might not have been born from me, but the Lord called us to him, and prepared his way to be in our family...so there is no difference.

Okay, just had to see if anyone else had these crazy momma instincts to protect their children when others start to talk bad about them!  Or even start to talk ANY WAY about them...or even look at them a different way.  If I'm this bad now, how will I be when he gets here?!

In other news, I am feeling very weirded out by my angel care monitor. I have a video portion of it, and it is quiet until it hears something in the room (usually him fussing).  But lately, close to midnight, it has been coming on, but all I hear is white noise.  So I click on to see him, and he is sleeping SOUNDLY.  Not moving, not rustling around, NOTHING.  Then, it goes silent again.  THen, about 30 seconds later, I hear the white noise again, but when I inspect the screen, he is STILL.  Umm, hello house from 1924, I do not believe in ghosts, but I would appreciate that whatever is happening in Finn's room...could it please stop?! It is weirding me out to have this thing come on!  Umm, thank you.

Oh, and in further news...I did launch the photography blogsite, only about a month past my projected goal..which was at the beginning of 2012. :)  If you get a chance, go say hi there :)  I will just post there with new photo shoots, and occasionally some personal shoots of Finn, etc.

Little man feet...

One of my favorite parts of Briar were his feet.
They were huge for his little size.
He was adorable.  the photo of his feet are still on my desktop of my macbook.

The feet together on the canvas.  The set you see on the wall is the top set, Briar's feet.

sweet feet.  Brandon and I always thought Briar's feet were huge.  Then we did Finn's footprints, and we put them under Briar's.  The vision for the canvas in that room is to have all three boys' footprints on there (Briar, Finn and Eli).  Finn's look HUGE, thus making sweet Briar's look so small.  I am not quite sure how that makes me feel.  I liked feeling like his feet were big, because it made him seem real and substantial.  Obviously he is real...was real...but as Finn is VERY real and PRESENT every day, it makes me miss Briar that much more and wish he were here every day.

Enjoying the moments with Finn helps me to realize all that I am missing or missed with Briar.
But every time I look back on that day with Briar, I am thankful.  I recently had a girl reach out to me who was dealing with a diagnosis of anencephaly.  It is not a journey I would wish on anyone, so it is tough for me to hear that someone else is dealing with it, but it is also really neat that the Lord has given me the opportunity to encourage others.  The journey is tough, so I am happy to support people that are dealing with the loss of their sweet baby.

The moments with Finn are special because he is special.  Time with him is not diminished just because I miss Briar, but there are the moments that I think back and wish that we got more time.  I put this print in the nursery to remind me that I can CHOOSE to be happy, even in those moments that I miss my little man.  "Today I WILL (indicating I will choose to be) be happier than a bird with a french fry"...now I don't know if birds love french fries...but there is something that makes me happy about this print.  A little random, just like me...and just random enough to make you smile...

 I got hats like this for Briar, and so I wanted to get them for Finn. I got bigger ones for Finn, but they didn't fit him.  :) So they are still cute to hang, but he didn't really get to wear them.
Look at this sweet vest.  Finn wore this home from the hospital.  I can't believe how much bigger he is ALREADY!


I realize that this post is ALL OVER THE PLACE.  But remember what I wrote yesterday?  That is just my mind...so you'll have to be okay with it. :)

PS.  have you ever decorated your nursery, and wondered why you haven't spent more time decorating the rest of your house? I love spending time in the nursery, which makes me feel like I should have beens pending more time decorating other rooms in my house.  Hmm..

The way I work..

Have you ever had a major realization about the way you function?
Hanging out with my dad makes me realize that I am just like him!
My dad is awesome.  But I will tell you that I notice the things about him that are hard for me....
I am interested in many things.
I am very creative minded, and very talented in some areas with my hands (working with things, crafting..his is more construction/woodworking and mine is more just crafty..)
We have lots of interests and love to research things.
But we are all over the place.

ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.

A typical trip through my brain in a given morning would be this.
Are you ready? You might be scared. You might respect me less.
I do not finish tasks.
I need some help learning to function with my strengths (creativity, thinking outside the box, etc...) while allowing my mind to FOCUS and accomplish tasks...

I am going to go to the kitchen to make some coffee.
On the way there, I see a dirty sock, so I take it with me to the laundry room, which is near the coffee maker. On the way to the laundry room, I see the computer and decide I should check my email. When I am checking my email, I realize I should probably check the bank balance.  Ooh, I should probably pay bills while I am here, I think.  When I walk to the desk to get the bills, I see a mess on the dining room table.  I take that stuff to the sink and clean it.  When I try to put the things in the dishwasher, I realize it is full of clean dishes.  Oh, well...I need to return to the computer, I'll have to finish it later.  I return to the email and notice an email from two days ago I haven't answered. When I am answering that, about halfway through, I notice I still have some photos up from last night on my desktop. They are so cool, I should probably work on them, I think. When I have been doing that for about 10 minutes, I realize I still haven't had any coffee. When I stand up, the sock falls out of my lap and I realize I wanted to take it to the laundry room. I stand up and take it to the laundry room and I notice all the clean laundry. I re-start the dryer and decide I should fold that load when I finish making my coffee, so I will warm it up so I can fold it and make it wrinkle free. When my coffee is done, I walk back to the computer, where I think I should go ahead and look for recipes for dinner. Instead of doing that, I notice my email open where I proceed to answer the last email I was working on. As I am answering that, I think about my frined Susie in California, and I think that I should check what she is doing on facebook so I can ask her that question I was thinking about, before I forget.  Oh man, but what was that question?  Oh gosh, I better go get my crying baby..... and that is the end of the task run around until I think of something new, and then inevitably make my way back to some/most of these tasks...


Seriously, no joke, that i just a glimpse.
As I wrote this blog post, I sat here, but I checked facebook, uploaded pics to facebook, tinkered with photos on Photoshop, came back to this post, went back to facebook, went back to photos, rocked my baby, got up to have a brownie (yep, I know, do I want to lose the baby weight or not?!), came back to the blog post, and now here I am.

If you are like me, and have found a way to be successfully productive and organized, will you help me?  SOme of you are much more naturally 'task oriented"...where you must complete one before moving to the next (my hubby..).  This is so much more efficient, but it is not how my mind works...  but remember that I could take it personal...so be nice :)

A post isn't a post without pictures, and since I haven't shown you Finn in a while, here are some pictures back at five weeks (yep, a whopping two weeks ago)

A big belly... and a long torso, that makes our three month clothes not fit, at five weeks...


This round face makes me laugh.  Looking at baby pictures though, it looks like pops (Brandon) had the same shape face as a baby!

And then where we like to hang out, on the floor of the nursery

Mini Vans and Mom Jeans

Well, when you enter the stages of being a mom, sometimes you eat your words, I am realizing.
Brandon and I were married for almost six years before we had Finn.  In that time, MANY of my friends had kids.  In that time, I came up with many philosophies on how I would raise my children.  Dare I say, I passed judgement on choices they made, "Oh, they are doing great, but I would do it this way..."
Oh goodness, talk about eating your words!!
Even with a six week old, I can tell that things will change/have changed.  
I mean, look at my blogging...pretty pathetic.  My house...a mess!My laundry...sitting there..Finn's room...things everywhere.My vehicle: a MINIVAN.Oh yes, we did.
Judge. Judge. Oh, the cloud of pity I put over any of my friends that chose to drive a VAN when they had kids.  Oh, they have entered "that" phase.  It won't be me, I said.  I will drive the beautiful, cool SUV and blow all the other moms away with my awesome style.  I will be the "cool" mom who is still cute and in shape and I will drive an awesome car...
Then, we got pregnant for the second time and began adopting. And we thought about practicality.  We thought about gas mileage (hello, I just quit my job...) and I still said NO. NO way.  Small SUV with a third row, I said. 
My husband went to look at a Ford Freestyle in Atlanta. A  nice, small SUV with a third row.  perfect for our quickly expanding family.  He took with him a friend of ours who had two kids in one year, one by birth and one by adoption, and then quickly got pregnant with the third.  He had experience in the journey we were just starting to enter.  
When they got home from this trip, they had no vehicle with them.Instead, my husband comes back talking about the wonders of the minivan...and why we MUST have one.I told him, "I know this, but I choose the harder life...just to be cool and save my pride".He continued to push.And if you know him...when he gets his mind set on something...its' over.He wouldn't stop talking about the merits of the van.And his search began for a honda minivan.I would like to say that I was pulled on this journey kicking and screaming..A couple weeks later, we are driving this home from atlanta.

A Honda Oddysey. I like to call it "the hoddysey"
It took me a while to warm up to her."Do you want to drive the new car home?"..my sweet husband asked.."NOPE", "I'll drive the truck", I quickly responded"Good, I am excited to drive it", he said"Well, you can drive it everyday, then" came my quick response"Sure!" was his perky answer, but the next day the van was mine.  No longer did I have the dreaded jag wag (jaguar station wagon that embarrassed me for totally different reasons...I was driving a JAGUAR..hello POSH...and it was a WAGON...come on now..)The first couple times I drove it, I parked far, far away from where I was going.I got out quickly and distanced myself from the van, afraid to be associated with that horrendous beast.I mean, I was pregnant with no living children...and I had a VAN.
But as the days went on, and my belly grew, I realized that it was right at waist level, and I could slide right it.  to get into the jag, I had to do a deep squat and to get into the truck I had to heave all my energy into my left side to hoist myself up onto the seat.  I realized that the sliding doors were pretty slick...and easy.  I realized that I could maneuver that puppy into tight spots. I could walk through the whole vehicle. It was leather...it was nice...
And now, we are best friends. It is so easy to get Finn in and out.  It is large...I can walk to the back to get Finn's paci at a stoplight when he is SCREAMING and I am more upset than he is...I can easily nurse in the back, and I could watch a movie if I wanted to...
So, judgement removed, minivan moms.I am proud to be a hoddysey driver now.
Mom jeans? I can't do it.Although I am not quite looking the same in my own jeans..and might still be trying to get back in my favorite pair of normal jeans (BOO to the people who walk right back into normal clothes...I worked out my whole pregnancy, people...)...mom jeans just won't happen.
Then there is the question.
What do I do all day? I feel like I am constantly busy.  Mostly holding him...feeding him...changing him.Because people say, "hold them, it goes by too fast"So I am.And do you know what? I'm not going to feel guilty about it.These moments are fleeting.Quickly passing.And they don't come back.Unless I have another baby.And right now, that is the last thing on my mind!  Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to leave my husband to figure out his own dinner every night and just sit on the couch cooing to my baby.  But certainly there might be nights where that happens :)  Time is already FLYING by.  And I just don't want to miss any of it.  I am going to let him sleep in my arms instead of putting him in the swing. I am going to take pictures of him every morning. I am going to do some silly things that I won't have time to do with my next one (sadly)...Your first baby (I hesitate to say that, because he is not my first, but my first living...such a hard balance...I definitely remember Briar SO MUCH, but that is for another post) is so lucky because they get ALL of your attention. So many moms say, "Well, it won't be that one with your second"...and they are probably right, but I hate them for saying it. Because I want my second and third to get the same that Finn gets. But it will look different.And right now, time with this sweet guy is flying.I already have a 15+lb baby...and he is six weeks old.
He isn't tiny anymore.  His feet are hanging off my body when I nurse...if we don't have a pillow, he is kicking things halfway to the ground... I already feel like I'm nursing a toddler..

This is my view from my nursing chair.  {I finally got cool and used an app on my phone to take a cool vintage-y picture..up until now, I have just taken "normal" photos...}   I don't always nurse here, but at night it just seems right.  I turn on the sound machine, swaddle him up, sit in our corner...and it is always his longest nurse of the day...usually close to 45 minutes. Occasionally Brandon will come back and talk to me (we moved another chair into the nursery just for this purpose).  Some nights when I am extra tired and have lots to do, I think, "Goodness, when can I get out of here and get on with..." but then I look down at the sweet boy who I have the privilege to feed, and I think that there is nowhere else I would rather be.  The Lord is so good to allow such a gift.  
I don't blame anyone who chooses to formula feed.  Breastfeeding takes SO MUCH TIME...and ties you to your child.  Sometimes I feel so trapped in these three hour blocks of time, cut to two hours by the actual feed...minus getting ready and getting out of the house....
But I continue to come back to the point that it is SO worth it.  And, that it is just a season.A short season.So I am taking advantage of every moment of it.So if I am absent a bit, I'm sure you'll understand.Because this feels like it was YESTERDAY.




Si