Accepting Compliments

Do you accept compliments well?I have always known that i do not.
However, my "love language" (if you've read the five love languages..) is words of affirmation. I thrive on hearing positive words. But people probably don't like to compliment me because I don't take them well.I usually deny (because I don't know how else to respond) and then compliment them in return.
For example, my friend told me I looked skinny at church. I said, "Oh no, not really (mumbling under my breath), then looked at him awkwardly".  He was just being kind.  Then, he could tell he made me uncomfortable (it actually was nice verbal affirmation that I just couldn't accept well...) so he said, "WEll, I just have only seen you pregnant for two years and. you look so much smaller".  Well guess what, it made the compliment a little less awesome when he added that on.  If I could have just graciously accepted the compliment from the start, it would have been better.
At the gym, a friend said, "Wow, your stomach looks great, you have really come a long way".  I should have said, "Thanks so much". No way. Why would I be so gracious?  Was I fishing for more? Or could I just not accept it? I said, "Well, I have a long way to go".  She was supposed to say, "No, you look great'.  She said, "Well, yeah, but you have come a long way".  HAHAHHA. Basically saying, Well, you've lost a lot, but you're still a fatty.  Gotta love that.
Whose fault was it? MINE!Just accept the compliment and WALK AWAY!!
It is funny, because I have been realizing that I am not good at this. Even with Brandon. He said that he doesn't give me as many compliments because he is afraid I am going to think he's lying. Really? I guess I might be that bad.
I suppose being pregnant for two years straight will do that to a girl.  
Today, I went to visit a friend in the hospital who just had a baby.  She was talking about her belly and how it was a little jiggly.  I told her I understood. Then she named another friend and said she hopes she can get her belly back like hers.  I wanted to say, "Oh, what, you don't want this bowl of jelly I have?". :)  
 Maybe Definitely the problem is that I want extreme compliments. When I compliment someone...I go on and on. And I make sure they leave CONVINCED that I meant it.  I guess when I ask questions, I am testing the person to see if they meant it.  Everyone fails my tests :)  
In other news...Finn is sweet as can be. But I think I have an irrational fear of him getting sick.Let's be honest.Kids get sick.Babies get sick.It's going to happen.it's a matter of time.Why am I so scared of it?
Maybe becasue I can't control it. I don't get  a say in when it happens, and what sickness it is.
I also think I'm in panic mode a little about Ethiopia. My pediatrician said maybe we should take someone we trust to stay in the room with Finn while we visit the orphanage. I agree. But that is a lot of money to ask someone to pay to help us with Finn.And I know you're thinking "Just leave him!!".Well, sorry, I can't.
Leah, if you are reading, you convinced me not to.Leah adopted a baby when she had a newborn. She decided not to take the baby, and her husband went on one trip alone and she went on one alone. She said it was not encouraging to do it separately, and her milk dried up.  Both of those sound sad. So she convinced me...I'm taking him. I want to continue nursing. I do not want to be away from him.  And I think he will be fine.But I am nervous.
So if you think of it. Pray for peace in that area. His health.Maybe I'm just nervous because I NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO HIM.There.I said it.I already lost one.I don't want to lose another. 
And I won't. And if I do, the Lord will carry me through it, just like he would for any of you.  But there is no need to live in fear.
So I won't. Okay, God? I am choosing to trust you with Finn's health. With Eli's health.With Brandon's health.I am going to choose not to spend life worried.And I don't.But I can see how easily it would happen.
Okay, just for fun...here are some {blurry} pictures of Finn and Dad playing! 

ps. to my real friends who have read this far..I need help. I am getting my photography website together.  Does anyone know how to do a portfolio on there? Right now it is a blogsite...but I don't have a portfolio.  I don't know how I would host it..or include it...?!   If you want to see the work in progress, email me, and I will show you so you can offer constructive criticism.  :) GOODNIGHT!

It's about time...

Since Finn is almost four months, I thought maybe you would want to see three months.
He is so darn handsome.

ps. I just saw the typo-bat at oys. Forgive me. I'm not sleep deprived, but I am a momma...

I am a little nervous about taking him to Ethiopia, but there is NO WAY I am leaving him. I am still nursing, and he will only be four or five months when we go. There is no way I am leaving him. But, as I begin to think about logistics....I am realizing it might be more challenging than I think. But, I will be praying for lots of grace and an extraordinary amount of easy travel.  if you have ever taken a long flight with a little baby...give me all your tips, please!!!!!!

More soon, but this is all I can manage at almost midnight.  5:30am spin class will be here soon. I should've been in bed hours ago!!

{embrace the camera}

we got a video of our sweet Eli.
Friends (new friends) of ours were in Ethiopia, at the transition home where our boy is. We gave them permission, and they took photos and a short video of our boy. I can't tell you the joy and immense sadness that I felt to see this video! It was just AMAZING.

You wonder about the sadness? Well, he was standing in his crib. I wanted to push him down. Like on that movie...(where Josh Duhamel and Catherine Heigl raise the baby and they push the girl down when she is about to walk, so one of them doesn't miss it...)....I don't want him to make any moves without me. I want to call out to him, "Hey buddy, momma is on the way. Please just freeze until I get there".
But clearly, that is ridiculous.
I want him to grow.
And learn.
And walk.
Well, maybe I don't "want" it. But since I love him, I want to see him growing and healthy.
How do I love him so much already?
This journey of adoption must be the way the Lord grows the immense love...just like a pregnancy..without the cravings and weight gain (hopefully).
Wish I could show you the video!  HE IS PRECIOUS.  His smile melts my heart.  He is sleeping on "cars" sheets. Goodness, I want to squeeze his cheeks and look into his HUGE eyes. Don't even talk to me about the way my heart is being moved to adopt two...because the Lord would have to force me into it. Because that is clearly PSYCHO.

So, instead of showing you pictures of my boy...

 I'm going to link up with The Anderson Crew.  She also adopted from Ethiopia. A sweet girl named Elsa.
And she is an advocate of making sure you get photos with your children. Most of mine are self portraits with my phone. Whatev.  You take what you can get.

Today is no different. I cannot hold my DSLR and do a self portrait.  Usually I am kind of a stickler about naps in the crib. But he really wanted to be held. And these days won't last forever. So I strapped him on with the "sleepy wrap"...and pretty soon he was snoozin.  So sweet. That baby smell is just MAGIC.

And then all bundled up before a run. Not that it is that cold in Georgia. But 30...that is pretty darn cold if you ask me.  It's all relative, I suppose.

So this is all I have for now.
Happy Thursday to you!

Passports, tshirts...missing our boy..

Hey friends.
So I showed you the picture of Eli's legs. :)  I found out (this is CRAZY...or CRAY CRAY...which makes me laugh EVERY TIME I hear or see someone say it...) that the outfit he is wearing is the SAME OUTFIT that my friend Lesli's baby was wearing when they went to meet him for the first time (he was 12 months ish when they met him).  I was asking Lesli about the outfit and she said it was 6-9 months. That made me feel way better. Finn wears 9 months of 12 months clothes now!  Shoo...is it weird that I want him to stop growing until I get there? I want him to grow, I suppose I just want time in general to STOP!  It is so tough to miss out on this time with him!

So, I had to take a passport photo for Finn. You wouldn't believe all the requirements. No hands holding your baby up, white background, baby can't be smiling, laughing, yawning, drooling, etc.  Must be straight faced with mouth closed.  Took me about 48 tries to get one that worked.  His face is a tad pink and the background isn't perfectly white. But I just didn't have time to fix it all up. So...Finn is getting his passport app. turned in today. Pretty exciting.  It takes 4-6 weeks for a passport and we are traveling in 8-10 or less...hopefully our timeline works out!

Shirts Available: They run a little small (because they shrink).
Brandon wears a L, but after a couple washes, it is pretty tight on his arms.
I wear a M or L, although pre pregnancy(chest) I wore a small or medium.  TMI, sorry. Just trying to help you size yourself.
Here is what we have left:
Small: 1 green, 13 gray
Medium 4 blue, 13 gray
Large 8 green, 2 blue, 11 gray
XL  SOLD OUT
2Xl 3 gray
If you want to go ahead and purchase a shirt, you can send a check (email me for my address at brooke(dot)whitis@gmail(dot)com.) or pay through the chip in link at the bottom of the blog. If you have a paypal account, you just click on it and it will take you straight there!  Just write in the sizes and colors of shirts you want.  I just sold five of the larges, but I don't know what colors, so get yours now! And help us raise a quick $1100 to pay for the rest of our referral costs.

If you are new to adoption, a referral from Ethiopia (the photo of the child and the info about him...costs $8000.  Total adoption costs are close to $30,000.  We have paid quite a bit already, and we feel confident that the Lord will continue to provide.  Thanks for being a part of our journey.

And if you already have shirt, or don't really want one :) thanks for supporting us anyway, just by checking in and hopefully praying for us!

Sweet Eli,
I hope you are happy, healthy and safe today. I wish I was there with you. I wish time would stop until I could be by your side. I love you, sweet boy.
Love, your momma.

YESSSS!!! WE GOT A REFERRAL!!!!!! :)

BIG NEWS!!! BIG, BIG NEWS! WE GOT A REFERRAL!!!!!
WE ARE SO EXCITED!! I don't know if we can tell his name, I'll have to check on that!
He is 12+ months. A little older than we thought...but just perfect.
I can show you his picture. Well, actually I can't.
I can show you a picture of some of him.  You can't see his face, because that would be considered child exploitation until he is legally ours.
He is SO HANDSOME, I can tell you that!! He is just amazingly good looking. :)

If you are reading this and waiting for a referral, I am so sorry. I know what it's like to watch other people get theirs and wait for your own.  We are beyond excited and a little overwhelmed to know we will be traveling in 8-10 weeks...could be less. AWESOME!!!!
If you aren't up on the way adoption works {pretty much if you haven't adopted or aren't adopting, you will need this lesson}...here is how it works
1. Do all basic paperwork, homestudy, fingerprints, etc.
2.  Mail Dossier to selected country and wait.
3. Wait, wait, wait.
4.  Wait some more.
5.  Receive "referral" or paperwork that shows your child, information about them, etc.
6.  Accept referral, begin paperwork to go to court to claim your child.
7.  Travel to Ethiopia once you have a court date and travel approval.  Meet your child!!! Go to court.
8.  Once you 'pass court', the child is legally yours, but you cannot take them because you have to wait on papers to process the US Embassy.
9.  You return back the US to wait. THE WORST PART.
10.  Wait on embassy approval. WAIT seems so long. DREADING THIS PART!  Could be 8-12 weeks...
11.  Return to pick up child.
12.  Return home and try to begin the new, challenging, amazing life with an adopted child.

We are on step 5.
Step 5 costs a lot of money :)
Now, let's back up.
So many people have been generous since we began our process of adopting.
I found the following timeline, and I wanted to share it with you.

Okay. What is today? January 16th. We got the referral last night. January 15th. So the updated timeline should look like this:

How neat is that?!?!  We found out we were PREGNANT January 15th last year...found out we were "PREGNANT" with a child in Ethiopia...who is already a year old...on the same day, one year later.  WOW. So neat.  That is clearly from the Lord, nothing in our own power.
I sure wish you could see his face. He is so handsome.
Here is the deal. We have calculated with costs to travel (roughly $2000 per plane ticket, two people, two trips, plus probably an extra seat on the way home, plus 10% of our ticket for a lap baby...), referral fee $8000, costs to stay at the guest house, driver ($50/night), plus tons more small fees that you probably don't care to hear about...the total we have left to pay is around $24,000. Overwhelming, yes. The Lord has already provided $14,000 of that.  We have already paid around $8,000.  All this to say, we are trusting and believing that the Lord will continue to help us raise the rest.
We have a limited amount of t-shirts left.  If we could sell all of these at $20, that would be $1,100 right there!  Don't you need a t-shirt?? They are super cute...I will try to post a photo tomorrow.
I will post a list of available shirts tomorrow....and beg you to grab yours up!

Thanks for being excited with us.  We are truly overjoyed. We cannot wait to meet him, bring him home, and make him a part of our family...

Adoption is not easy. Not cheap. Not what God intended. God intended us to be with the people that birthed us.  But SIN is in this world. And sadly, it isn't always like that.  There are children starving to death, or dying with no clean water. There are children dying of treatable diseases.  So, we are going to push through some of the "hard" and the "expensive"...and the "scary"...because we feel like God has asked us to do that.

Am I scared? YES.
Am I possibly terrified to miss my best friend Hayley's wedding...in almost exactly 8-10 weeks from now....YES.
Am I scared to see how Eli will sleep? How he will eat? How he will transition into our family? ABSOLUTELY.
But I know that God has asked us to walk this road. So here we go!

Thanks for joining in the journey with us!

Farewell to a place we have loved...and hated...

"We" will be out of the army in just a matter of months.  The mixed emotions that come with that are surprising to me.  I never thought I would love the Army as much as I do.  It is shocking that I have made so many friends in the military.  The military is such a unique place.

Where, in life, do you ever make friends with other women....spending every night together and all weekends together bonding over the fact that our husbands are at war...
When would you ever have the opportunity to take weeknight classes, "Holiday Treat making", "basic household tasks..", etc.  NEVER if my husband was home, but I definitely did that with him gone!
We endured 4 (or was it 5?) deployments in five years.  It has to be four, because one of them was 15 months long!    We dealt with losing several great friends, watching children lose parents and wives lose husbands.  We watched parents sit alone each night as they missed their spouses on long deployments and tried to raise their children alone.
We made great friends.  We realized that the bonds you make during wartime are unlike any other bonds, for the husbands and the spouses at home.
We took road trips and had girl's night to keep ourselves entertained.
Who else understands it when you say, "My husband is in the woods this week" or "My husband will be in the field for the next month" or "He is TDY for three months this year" or.."He has worked until 11pm every night this week"..."Live fires this week, so he'll be spending the night at the range"..."We're going out to the dropzone to watch the jump".
Just bizarre, this life we have lived.
We realized that we were beyond blessed to be a part of the RGR community, as they are a group of people unlike any other.  They are tough, hard core, family oriented, crazy, 'type a' and just all around WILD.
But...They rallied around us when we found out about Briar's fatal birth defect.  They sent him home.  FORCED him to stay home to be by my side.  For that, I will be forever grateful. I called a girl who lost her spouse to tell her how sorry I was, and she proceeded to tell me how sorry she was about my sweet boy.  That is the sort of family and community that we lived among.

When we got in {the military}, I couldn't wait to get out.
Now that we've been in, I don't want to get out!
It is clear to me that the Lord wants us to move on, or we would not.  Brandon has been in his dream job for the last 7 years.  Blowing things up, going after bad guys, and ministering to guys he works with.
Did I mention stable income and incredible healthcare?
Clearly, God has called us out of this job, or we wouldn't be leaving.  Never did I think I would say that about the military.  Gosh, how God shapes our desires into his own...

It is such an amazing thing to know that you are walking out of a place you are called to be...the military...into a place you are called to be more (right now)...we have LOVED the military. And I have loved the people I have met being involved with it.  It is certainly not a warm, fuzzy place full of the easiest times in the world, but it is a special bond I wouldn't trade for anything.

So, farewell military world...we aren't leaving you until my husband's back gets straightened out...since all those jumps (out of airplanes with 50lbs attached to his back) and ruck marches for 15 miles with a 75lb pack have really messed him up :) We leave you with lots of great memories. Lots of special times, good and bad, with other families (our plt sgt {platoon sergeant} breaking it down at the military ball with the batalion commander's wife.....traveling to Arlington National Cemetery to honor one of our dear friends and fellow soldiers....introducing Briar to one of our favorite Ranger families (he only met two families other than our own)....knowing that my husband prayed for his guys before every mission...the doors the Lord opened....meeting friends at Captain's Career Course who came to really know the Lord and will be forever friends....  The memories are dear...we leave with tons of them.
I scanned this photo in.  It has rips and tears in it.  It is special.  It is my man in his uniform, such a ironic picture of a lover of the Lord...but a fighter against the enemies of this world.  Only going after the worst of the worst....whether you agree with fighting the battles our country has fought or not....the fact is...the military men of our country have been put on the line to fight for us.  To fight for freedom, for peace, for all the things our country stands for.  Whether they agreed with the actual reason for fighting or not.  It is now a part of history.  And as we leave the military, we are proud to take with us a little piece of that history.
But also proud to move on!

2011 in my phone...

Before I had a baby, I really didn't take many photos with my cell phone. I have an android, so I can't do cool stuff like instagram (although I attempt with my ipad that doesn't have an app and has a bad camera...). Anyway, I have recently started taking phone photos, and I have decided that they are such a cool way to capture day to day life! The quality isn't as perfect, but I'm willing to sacrifice that to get the amazing moments captured. I have realized that nothing makes time passing more obvious than the life of a child.  The growth that happens makes it so clear that time is passing, whether you want it to or not!

I've got lots of things to write about, I just can't seem to get myself together enough to blog. I'm working on getting a photography website up and running and trying to just enjoy my little man as much as possible. Will update soon! Happy 2012!