Do you ever feel like Satan just attacks you in the places where you are the weakest...the most vulnerable? I feel like he knows my weak spots and he just sucker punches me.
I like to be liked. I like for others to feel loved by me, and I like to feel the same in return.
I like it when I am part of a community, especially within our church.
I am used to a strong community in the army, and within our church.
Now the Army is gone for us.
And we WORK for the CHURCH.
So now community looks different.
There is something about working for the church that alienates you just a bit.
Since you now work for the church, you must be extra holy: false.
Since you work for the church, you must have only super holy friends: false
Since you work for the church, all the hanging out you do HAS to be ministry related: false (in my opinion)
Church used to be a place where I served, OFTEN.
Now, we serve and we work...and I don't like thinking of this place I love as work.
AH! But I pressure myself into feeling like if we don't have enough volunteers one weekend, it's because I haven't done enough. (HELLO, do I think I'm God? I am such a miniscule vessel in the process of even our church, I don't know why I take such crazy emotional ownership). If I hear people have moved on to another church, my heart feels broken. Not because I don't like other churches...in fact, I'm a big fan of many churches in our town....but I feel like I did something wrong. (once again, so SELF centered). I often don't want to leave my kids in our church nursery because I don't want them to drive away our carefully recruited volunteers...(do you know how hard it is to get people to volunteer their precious time....?!?! I don't want them to listen to my screaming kids....who never leave their mom and have major separation issues...GAH, another thing I said I would never do...)
Satan loves to prey on the areas where we are weak.'
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Tonight, I am going to choose to rest here. In my weakness. In the areas I fail.
I will remember that ministry is not about me. It is about bringing people into a place where they know the one true, living God. So that they may know the peace that passes all understanding. That moves mountains, storms in the sea...and creates children in our wombs...not about me.
Because posts are boring without photos:
In other, not so deep news, my kids love sitting outside and watching the garbage trucks come by. My kids, and everyone elses...
At this point, we decided to yell at the garbage men to say hello. They waved. The prisoners do our garbage collection, so I was glad we were making some new friends.
Took these boys to the doctor today. Eli got 4 shots. Which he hated. Poor guy had to start all over with shots at 15 months because we weren't sure what Ethiopia gave us. We got no shot records, although one day he was out "getting vaccines", so I know they gave him something...today was his second big round.
Finn has ANOTHER ear infection. It is almost time for tubes. This is #9. He is 11 months old. Getting away from Army insurance is one sad reality. No more "free" services.....we're now looking at meeting our $2500 deductible for tubes. SHEW!. Insurance is not pretty sometimes.
You know what I do when I'm overwhelmed with insurance deductibles? I kick back in my child size camping chair and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse :)
Watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse CAN improve ones outlook!! Praying for you and ear infections and fellow Christian relationships! You keep letting that light shine, especially to the prisoners getting your trash!
ReplyDeleteHang in there friend! Being married to a person on church staff/being on a church staff can be very difficult sometimes. And it is a very different adjustment at first. But, you will get the hang of it. God will give you more comfort and balance in the role. It can be very lonely/alienating sometimes, but He has always provided the right people at the right time in our life. We have seen some incredible blessings, in our life and in others', that I probably never would have seen otherwise. Your authenticity and transparency will be wonderful for showing others that ministers and their families are REAL...in love with Jesus, and REAL.
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm a friend of some of your friends-- the Meachams & Baises... anyway, before you go the tubes route, have you tried chiropractic? I was getting recurrent ear infections as an adult, which is super rare. I happened to go to the chiro for something unrelated, while I still had fluid from my last infection & that stuffy, sort-of-sore feeling I got right before I got another one-- he adjusted my neck, and as I stood up from the table I felt my ear suddenly drain. Same thing happened the next week, and then, no more ear infections. Apparently this is even more common in little kids, since their ears and all are so much smaller. It's so much easier for a small spine mis-alignment to kink or put pressure on those Eustacian tubes & that leaves the ears to get infected.
ReplyDeleteAntibiotics also can make ear infections recur; they wipe out all the good bacteria, leaving room for more "bad" ones to take over...i.e. another infecition. Try giving him a teaspoon of plain organic whole-milk yogurt last thing before bed every night-- you want it as close to the back of his throat as possible-- that is very near to the nose/ear connection & the probiotics in the yogurt can travel up there into the ear & help beat down the bad bugs.
I've also had a lot of success treating ear infections without antibiotics using GaiaKids ear drops, which are powerful natural anti-biotics (mullein, St. John's wort & garlic oil). Warm that up, drop a few drops in, cover with a cotton ball, and give Tylenol every 3-4 hours, and you can kick an ear infection within 1-2 days. I have done it to myself so I know it helps with the pain and inflammation.
Lastly, the Hib & Prevnar vaccines (and others) are associated with higher ear infection rates -http://www.vaclib.org/links/ears.htm. If your little guy is sensitive to them, it would be prudent to 1. space his vaccines out (giving more than one serious disease at once is a bit much for ANY immune system to handle) & 2. delay his vaccines until he's older. If kids aren't in day care there is very little reason to vax before age 2, when the immune system switches over from an infant response to mature. I have more on tailoring vaccine schedules to your child on my blog- feel free to check it out!
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