Little man feet...

One of my favorite parts of Briar were his feet.
They were huge for his little size.
He was adorable.  the photo of his feet are still on my desktop of my macbook.

The feet together on the canvas.  The set you see on the wall is the top set, Briar's feet.

sweet feet.  Brandon and I always thought Briar's feet were huge.  Then we did Finn's footprints, and we put them under Briar's.  The vision for the canvas in that room is to have all three boys' footprints on there (Briar, Finn and Eli).  Finn's look HUGE, thus making sweet Briar's look so small.  I am not quite sure how that makes me feel.  I liked feeling like his feet were big, because it made him seem real and substantial.  Obviously he is real...was real...but as Finn is VERY real and PRESENT every day, it makes me miss Briar that much more and wish he were here every day.

Enjoying the moments with Finn helps me to realize all that I am missing or missed with Briar.
But every time I look back on that day with Briar, I am thankful.  I recently had a girl reach out to me who was dealing with a diagnosis of anencephaly.  It is not a journey I would wish on anyone, so it is tough for me to hear that someone else is dealing with it, but it is also really neat that the Lord has given me the opportunity to encourage others.  The journey is tough, so I am happy to support people that are dealing with the loss of their sweet baby.

The moments with Finn are special because he is special.  Time with him is not diminished just because I miss Briar, but there are the moments that I think back and wish that we got more time.  I put this print in the nursery to remind me that I can CHOOSE to be happy, even in those moments that I miss my little man.  "Today I WILL (indicating I will choose to be) be happier than a bird with a french fry"...now I don't know if birds love french fries...but there is something that makes me happy about this print.  A little random, just like me...and just random enough to make you smile...

 I got hats like this for Briar, and so I wanted to get them for Finn. I got bigger ones for Finn, but they didn't fit him.  :) So they are still cute to hang, but he didn't really get to wear them.
Look at this sweet vest.  Finn wore this home from the hospital.  I can't believe how much bigger he is ALREADY!


I realize that this post is ALL OVER THE PLACE.  But remember what I wrote yesterday?  That is just my mind...so you'll have to be okay with it. :)

PS.  have you ever decorated your nursery, and wondered why you haven't spent more time decorating the rest of your house? I love spending time in the nursery, which makes me feel like I should have beens pending more time decorating other rooms in my house.  Hmm..

I haven't posted lately, because...

well, there's just not a lot to say!Is that boring or what??I helped my sweet friend move this weekend.I did some photos for friends...still practicing and learning.And just enjoying life.Enjoying my hubby.Enjoying my second grade kiddos.Enjoying spending time with friends.Enjoying the holiday season. Really excited for a night of worship tonight.  There are a bunch of churches that come together once a month for a worship night.  It is tonight.  Last month I didn't feel like going, but when I did I felt awesome.  Something about re-directing all the stress and knowing that it's all about the Lord is so good.    So perfect.  How it should be!    My sweet friend Jenna took pictures of us, and I took some of them. I can't wait to show you. I don't know why I keep putting it off!  I edited these...just having fun and playing with them! 
 Some days I feel guilty that I don't think of Briar enough. I think of him still every day. Probably at least several times...if not 100. :)  Yesterday I had a little girl mention it again, one of the same girls who brought it up before. I do feel like I'm in a great place. I have lost track of weeks.  I just know that next Monday is the 13th, so it will be 3 months. In some ways, I want to cheer....I've made it that long!  I am doing okay! In other ways I want to just feel so sad and mad that I don't have my son here with me.  Yesterday in the post office a sweet grandma was showing off picture of her two month old grandson and I thought.."Oh man! I would have my two+ month old baby with me right now!!!"....
I don't think that will ever end. But I'm in a good place today. I hope you are too.

I'm still here..

I don't really love excuses. but I seem to be the master of them. No time to blog. At least not right this minute.  Why? Well .....it's the busiest week of my whole school year. I am 11 wks preggo and totally exhausted. In an embarrasing way. I hate to complain about it or demand that I leave events to rest, but really....it's all I can manage. I was at work and then a meeting until 8:30 tonight. When I got home I just crashed. But look at me now. I'm still up. Just to tell you that I'm not blogging.
Oh...and then there is the whole avoidance issue when I think about all the heartache around me in my military community and in my family. It is tough. Easier to ignore and pray about. God is hearing my pain. But I'm not sure how else to process it. I go to church and people want and expect me to be happy. Sometimes I want someone to ask me how I am and STOP and listen. Not wait for the traditional, expectational. "GREAT!".  One friend does that and then I cry on her. So...maybe that is why most people don't wait for the answer :) 
The other reason is if I am on the computer I am either on facebook checking on fellow military spouses...or I am trying to edit pictures of my sweet friends. That's right. I mentioned them about three weeks ago. Back when I thought I would finish editing. Well I didn't. And I haven't. I am embarrassed. But I am SO TIRED. I almost passed out in publix. Seriously got clammy and dizzy ...
But anyway...here are some more of the shoot. I promise...Becs and Erin...I am almost done. And I will give them to you soon. I promise. I do not promise it will be before the end of the first trimester. But it will be before Emma Jane arrives. HA :)  
They were so fun to hang out with. They love each other so much. After editing these pics I bought the gray shirt for myself from Jcrew. It's adorable.
The end. Goodnite :)