Focused on one another...again..

I love this man.  

Glad he loves me during these days of limited showers, baby drool, etc.

Wow.  Our 7th Valentines Day married.

We have had many more than that dating and knowing each other.

We have been through a lot, especially the past two years.

Lost a child. Had our first living child. Gone through a long adoption.

no excuses. but facts.

Dealt with our last deployment, tried to learn what it meant to "reattach" emotionally.

This was harder than we thought...

And we are still working on it.

The Army is VERY SUCCESSFUL at training soldiers to detach from their emotions.

To get things done effectively with no emotion attached.

Especially in the infantry.

With all men.

Even more so in the group of Rangers B worked with.

This is to be expected.

But we are trying to be aware and reconnect.

Now, knowing that he will never leave again.

It makes us so happy.

It is what we have always hoped for.

But we finally can let our guard down.  I think that until now, my heart's goal was to stay disconnected so that it wouldn't be so hard when he left again.  I think he feels the same way, but  more on a day to day basis, where h doesn't attach as much each day, because he is used to this with the guys.  If they get annoyed with something he does, he doesn't care...because emotions aren't involved in the army.

In addition, whether you are married to someone in the military or not, a manly man or not...whether he is old or young, tall or short...he is a man.

and you are a woman.

which makes you different.

in many ways.

We communicate differently. We talk differently.

We relate differently.

But at the end of the day, we just need LOVE.

I remember when we went through premarital counseling with our dear friends and Brandon's discipler at the time, they had one child and were going through marriage counseling.

At the time, I thought we would never be at that place.

We went through counseling during Briar.

We're not in counseling now.

But, we are pursing each other.

We are trying to put our selfishness away, and really serve one another.

Because we can see how marriage becomes a isolated, selfish thing.

And neither of us wants that. 

We want a partership.  To LOVE one another with actions, not just words.

 "You and me against the world", is what Brandon used to always tell me.

I love it.

Valentines Day fell at a great time this year. 

We are finally back on our feet after baby.

Just in time to really re-focuson one another.

I'll be honest. i don't really care for the "holiday".

Commercialized crap. 

Everything I do not like about 'holidays'. 

But, this year, it serves to help refocus us on our marriage.

And THAT is worth any commercialized crap. :)

We needed it.

We LOVED going on a date. It reminded us that it needs to be a priority every week. 

EVERY WEEK.

So, thank you to the commercialized, over done day.

Because it helped us realize that we can have so much more for our marriage. 

A marriage that we have allowed to slip a little in the past two years. 

Don't get me wrong, we are doing fine. But I think if we aren't always on the road to pursuing each other and pursing a righteous, God focused relationship, we will FAIL miserably...

I am encouraged today :)

My in laws sent a small vday gift that allowed us to go on a date.

We got flowers and candy from my parents, which we enjoyed together before we left.  

And we left this guy with our friend Bryan's parents. His Georgia grandparents. 

SORRY GIGI and GRAMMY. TIME TO MOVE!!

And thank you, Whitmores, for offering us a night date this weekend, since our Tuesday date was a afternoon quick dinner... :)  That makes us smile!

MY SWEET SECOND VALENTINE.  My four month old boy. Nothing beats that smile.

Accepting Compliments

Do you accept compliments well?I have always known that i do not.
However, my "love language" (if you've read the five love languages..) is words of affirmation. I thrive on hearing positive words. But people probably don't like to compliment me because I don't take them well.I usually deny (because I don't know how else to respond) and then compliment them in return.
For example, my friend told me I looked skinny at church. I said, "Oh no, not really (mumbling under my breath), then looked at him awkwardly".  He was just being kind.  Then, he could tell he made me uncomfortable (it actually was nice verbal affirmation that I just couldn't accept well...) so he said, "WEll, I just have only seen you pregnant for two years and. you look so much smaller".  Well guess what, it made the compliment a little less awesome when he added that on.  If I could have just graciously accepted the compliment from the start, it would have been better.
At the gym, a friend said, "Wow, your stomach looks great, you have really come a long way".  I should have said, "Thanks so much". No way. Why would I be so gracious?  Was I fishing for more? Or could I just not accept it? I said, "Well, I have a long way to go".  She was supposed to say, "No, you look great'.  She said, "Well, yeah, but you have come a long way".  HAHAHHA. Basically saying, Well, you've lost a lot, but you're still a fatty.  Gotta love that.
Whose fault was it? MINE!Just accept the compliment and WALK AWAY!!
It is funny, because I have been realizing that I am not good at this. Even with Brandon. He said that he doesn't give me as many compliments because he is afraid I am going to think he's lying. Really? I guess I might be that bad.
I suppose being pregnant for two years straight will do that to a girl.  
Today, I went to visit a friend in the hospital who just had a baby.  She was talking about her belly and how it was a little jiggly.  I told her I understood. Then she named another friend and said she hopes she can get her belly back like hers.  I wanted to say, "Oh, what, you don't want this bowl of jelly I have?". :)  
 Maybe Definitely the problem is that I want extreme compliments. When I compliment someone...I go on and on. And I make sure they leave CONVINCED that I meant it.  I guess when I ask questions, I am testing the person to see if they meant it.  Everyone fails my tests :)  
In other news...Finn is sweet as can be. But I think I have an irrational fear of him getting sick.Let's be honest.Kids get sick.Babies get sick.It's going to happen.it's a matter of time.Why am I so scared of it?
Maybe becasue I can't control it. I don't get  a say in when it happens, and what sickness it is.
I also think I'm in panic mode a little about Ethiopia. My pediatrician said maybe we should take someone we trust to stay in the room with Finn while we visit the orphanage. I agree. But that is a lot of money to ask someone to pay to help us with Finn.And I know you're thinking "Just leave him!!".Well, sorry, I can't.
Leah, if you are reading, you convinced me not to.Leah adopted a baby when she had a newborn. She decided not to take the baby, and her husband went on one trip alone and she went on one alone. She said it was not encouraging to do it separately, and her milk dried up.  Both of those sound sad. So she convinced me...I'm taking him. I want to continue nursing. I do not want to be away from him.  And I think he will be fine.But I am nervous.
So if you think of it. Pray for peace in that area. His health.Maybe I'm just nervous because I NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO HIM.There.I said it.I already lost one.I don't want to lose another. 
And I won't. And if I do, the Lord will carry me through it, just like he would for any of you.  But there is no need to live in fear.
So I won't. Okay, God? I am choosing to trust you with Finn's health. With Eli's health.With Brandon's health.I am going to choose not to spend life worried.And I don't.But I can see how easily it would happen.
Okay, just for fun...here are some {blurry} pictures of Finn and Dad playing! 

ps. to my real friends who have read this far..I need help. I am getting my photography website together.  Does anyone know how to do a portfolio on there? Right now it is a blogsite...but I don't have a portfolio.  I don't know how I would host it..or include it...?!   If you want to see the work in progress, email me, and I will show you so you can offer constructive criticism.  :) GOODNIGHT!

Farewell to a place we have loved...and hated...

"We" will be out of the army in just a matter of months.  The mixed emotions that come with that are surprising to me.  I never thought I would love the Army as much as I do.  It is shocking that I have made so many friends in the military.  The military is such a unique place.

Where, in life, do you ever make friends with other women....spending every night together and all weekends together bonding over the fact that our husbands are at war...
When would you ever have the opportunity to take weeknight classes, "Holiday Treat making", "basic household tasks..", etc.  NEVER if my husband was home, but I definitely did that with him gone!
We endured 4 (or was it 5?) deployments in five years.  It has to be four, because one of them was 15 months long!    We dealt with losing several great friends, watching children lose parents and wives lose husbands.  We watched parents sit alone each night as they missed their spouses on long deployments and tried to raise their children alone.
We made great friends.  We realized that the bonds you make during wartime are unlike any other bonds, for the husbands and the spouses at home.
We took road trips and had girl's night to keep ourselves entertained.
Who else understands it when you say, "My husband is in the woods this week" or "My husband will be in the field for the next month" or "He is TDY for three months this year" or.."He has worked until 11pm every night this week"..."Live fires this week, so he'll be spending the night at the range"..."We're going out to the dropzone to watch the jump".
Just bizarre, this life we have lived.
We realized that we were beyond blessed to be a part of the RGR community, as they are a group of people unlike any other.  They are tough, hard core, family oriented, crazy, 'type a' and just all around WILD.
But...They rallied around us when we found out about Briar's fatal birth defect.  They sent him home.  FORCED him to stay home to be by my side.  For that, I will be forever grateful. I called a girl who lost her spouse to tell her how sorry I was, and she proceeded to tell me how sorry she was about my sweet boy.  That is the sort of family and community that we lived among.

When we got in {the military}, I couldn't wait to get out.
Now that we've been in, I don't want to get out!
It is clear to me that the Lord wants us to move on, or we would not.  Brandon has been in his dream job for the last 7 years.  Blowing things up, going after bad guys, and ministering to guys he works with.
Did I mention stable income and incredible healthcare?
Clearly, God has called us out of this job, or we wouldn't be leaving.  Never did I think I would say that about the military.  Gosh, how God shapes our desires into his own...

It is such an amazing thing to know that you are walking out of a place you are called to be...the military...into a place you are called to be more (right now)...we have LOVED the military. And I have loved the people I have met being involved with it.  It is certainly not a warm, fuzzy place full of the easiest times in the world, but it is a special bond I wouldn't trade for anything.

So, farewell military world...we aren't leaving you until my husband's back gets straightened out...since all those jumps (out of airplanes with 50lbs attached to his back) and ruck marches for 15 miles with a 75lb pack have really messed him up :) We leave you with lots of great memories. Lots of special times, good and bad, with other families (our plt sgt {platoon sergeant} breaking it down at the military ball with the batalion commander's wife.....traveling to Arlington National Cemetery to honor one of our dear friends and fellow soldiers....introducing Briar to one of our favorite Ranger families (he only met two families other than our own)....knowing that my husband prayed for his guys before every mission...the doors the Lord opened....meeting friends at Captain's Career Course who came to really know the Lord and will be forever friends....  The memories are dear...we leave with tons of them.
I scanned this photo in.  It has rips and tears in it.  It is special.  It is my man in his uniform, such a ironic picture of a lover of the Lord...but a fighter against the enemies of this world.  Only going after the worst of the worst....whether you agree with fighting the battles our country has fought or not....the fact is...the military men of our country have been put on the line to fight for us.  To fight for freedom, for peace, for all the things our country stands for.  Whether they agreed with the actual reason for fighting or not.  It is now a part of history.  And as we leave the military, we are proud to take with us a little piece of that history.
But also proud to move on!

Business of being AWESOME...

Found this at Joy's Hope a while ago.


I hope this helps if that ever happens to one of your friends.  Even as time goes on, it means SO MUCH when you remember.  Thanks, also, for just rejoicing with me as the Lord continues to bring us blessings as we walk through more of our grief.


I feel so lucky to have this baby that is kicking me every day.  I feel lucky that I am not going back to a classroom in a couple days.  I am able to get ready for this baby to come.  I am going to miss teaching SO MUCH.  I love being with the kids and really affecting their hearts and their lives.  I feel so passionate about allowing them to really know how to be kind people and treat others well.  But, for now, I will have to worry about meeting the needs of my newborn. And eventually, I will get to parent in the same way I teach...by loving these kids even when they drive me crazy....by teaching them how to be kind, how to obey, how to trust that God has the best for them...even when they are frustrated.


It is a great feeling.
But, I am so scared of the journey of parenting!


Guess  what my new motto is as a SAHM? 
Yep

I also found this at Joy's Hope...and she said we are welcome to take it! And print it.  Happy Tuesday.


And with that, I will leave you with my HANDSOME, NEWLY HAIRLESS HUBBY!
He is so handsome with a shaved head!  I just love this guy!  When I first started liking him in high school, he had just shaved his head for the swimming state championships.  And that shaved head caught my eye, big time.
Oh man, he is handsome.
He doesn't love it shaved.
But I got lucky for our wedding and it ended up being shaved, because he just got back from Ranger School.  He has shaved it again several times just to make me smile :)  
He did it again last week.  
Thanks Hubby!




I hope little Finn has your eyes :) and everything else about you...

The Spring Break project...

I'm sad that spring break is ending.
But it will be fun to get back to school tomorrow.
I will be honest and tell you that I didn't get that much done this week.
It is a major issue in my life lately.
Productivity.
Another topic for another day.

But one thing I did do was this.
We got a hammock when Brandon was in Iraq the first time (2006). He didn't use it there, although he had good intentions of putting it up inside his CHU (containerized housing unit). Well, we moved here soon after he returned.  When we finally got settled, I guess we were cheapskates.  We never wanted to fork over the $100+ we needed for a hammock stand. So I guess we were waiting to find one on the side of the road, or at a garage sale.
Well, it hasn't happened.
So one night, sweet hubby and I took a bike ride on the Rails to Trails near our house. It is pretty cool....they took the train tracks and made them into paved trails to bike (run) on. The only problem is they cross busy roadways, so you have to be very aware of your surroundings. Also, don't fret, we were on the tandem, so we were safe.  Many preggos choose not to ride bikes.  Other people compete in triathlons during their whole pregnancy.  For me, I find a happy medium at riding a tandem bike with my hubby that has very thick, stable wheels.

After that portion of the date, Brandon took me to Lowe's to pick up a hammock stand. Quite romantic. But really, it was. :)
Then he came home and put it up, into the darkness of the night.
It felt like something we had to conquer.
And we did.
And we wonder why we didn't spend that 100 dollars years ago! Why did we let this beautiful hammock sit in our attic?
It is cute, our little neighbors can see us when they are at the top of their play equipment. They looked over the other day and Brandon had just planted a smooch on me.
THe little boy, Drew, (who we didn't know was there) went, "Ewwww!". :)
Better stick to reading on the hammock....




It got a little dark as we started putting it up. But we were determined!  See the playground equipment over the fence? That was the spot...



He tried it out. He offered to let me, but I figured I didn't need a hammock flipping on me (it has happened before)....so I would let him test it out :)
It didn't take long for our girl to want to join...


Look at Buoy in the background, looking on...
Maybe jealous...
Maybe just wondering why his sister can't chill out a little.

Trying to get her to calm down is quite a feat...

In other news,

I realized that i have NO pregnancy photos of this pregnancy. Maybe I was just over it after posing for the weekly shots for the last nine months..But really, None? NONE. I will be 17 weeks this week...and I have NO PHOTOS. What a bummer, and what a disservice to this little bean {navel orange}! It really bums me out that we haven't done any, but time has just flown by with this one!
So, I promise I will take a photo this week. The bump is surely growing.

And the pregnancy dreams are starting.
I had a dream that I went to visit Ashley Ann in OK, and I got two flat tires. I think I was there for a SNAP SHOP. Her husband, Chris, had to help me, but since I had one spare, we were having a tough time figuring out what to do. Quite the interesting dream about people I have never met.

Happy week to you!

My Valentine.

I feel entitled to be sappy today. Because I am married to an incredible husband. He is sweet and incredibly thoughtful. He is usually gone on Valentines Day. I am so used to him being deployed, it feels out of the usual to actually celebrate together.  He says that tonight is a surprise, and I can't wait.  {in the meantime, my second graders are keeping me happy with a ridiculous amount of chocolates..}

So, today, I am going to spend my day feeling thankful for my amazing husband and the incredible gift that he is in my life.  So thankful to have found him....freshman year of high school...in his unattractive dirt bike jersey :)

He stays..

Resting.

Relaxing.

Kind of.

When I say resting...I mean I am able to have some naps. That makes me so happy! It is officially summer. I am also just unbelievably blessed to have a husband who makes my dinner many nights. He cleans the house...he even mopped. Not all husbands would do that. Heck, I haven't mopped in forever! The dinner you see here is chile rubbed chicken with avocado chicken.  Go Brandon!!
My nap today. Very gross...if you look at my eyes, you'll see how my eyes come open a little  when I sleep. Be lucky you don't have to sleep with me...gross.

Today we found out that B will not have to go back oveseas this rotation. WOO HOOO!!!!  Do you know the deep breath of relief that came out of me today when I found that out? This is a really tough journey, but I really appreciate being able to deal wit this situation with my hubby as the Lord intended me to. He created us to be life partners. To deal with the lows in life as well as the highs. So far, we have had an interesting road, with all deployments....learning to communicate and love each other in a special way. To us so far, these have been our challenges.  Now that we have been faced with a journey of a child that will not live in this world, we are realized what priortities should look like.  Family has always been first, but to have him HERE and PRESENT in the FLESH is amazing. I need that.  We are turning to the Lord each day and each moment as we strive to seek him.

Mark 10:6-9
"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Col 3:12-14
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  



We are choosing to follow the  Lord through sorrow and pain.  We are waiting to see what the Lord chooses for our sweet Briar. What his timing will be.  We know the Lord doesn't want my life in danger, but right now I am okay...and he is surviving just fine inside of me. I am 16 weeks preggo. And we are just holding on to hope.  Knowing the Lord is capable of miracles. We are praying. 

"But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have summoned you by name: you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze, For I am the Lord, your GOd, the Holy one of Israel, your Savior"
ISAIAH 43:1-3