Thursday, January 26, 2012

Accepting Compliments

Do you accept compliments well?
I have always known that i do not.

However, my "love language" (if you've read the five love languages..) is words of affirmation. I thrive on hearing positive words. 
But people probably don't like to compliment me because I don't take them well.
I usually deny (because I don't know how else to respond) and then compliment them in return.

For example, my friend told me I looked skinny at church. I said, "Oh no, not really (mumbling under my breath), then looked at him awkwardly".  He was just being kind.  Then, he could tell he made me uncomfortable (it actually was nice verbal affirmation that I just couldn't accept well...) so he said, "WEll, I just have only seen you pregnant for two years and. you look so much smaller".  Well guess what, it made the compliment a little less awesome when he added that on.  If I could have just graciously accepted the compliment from the start, it would have been better.

At the gym, a friend said, "Wow, your stomach looks great, you have really come a long way".  I should have said, "Thanks so much". No way. Why would I be so gracious?  Was I fishing for more? Or could I just not accept it? I said, "Well, I have a long way to go".  She was supposed to say, "No, you look great'.  She said, "Well, yeah, but you have come a long way".  HAHAHHA. Basically saying, Well, you've lost a lot, but you're still a fatty.  Gotta love that.

Whose fault was it? MINE!
Just accept the compliment and WALK AWAY!!

It is funny, because I have been realizing that I am not good at this. Even with Brandon. He said that he doesn't give me as many compliments because he is afraid I am going to think he's lying. Really? I guess I might be that bad.

I suppose being pregnant for two years straight will do that to a girl.  

Today, I went to visit a friend in the hospital who just had a baby.  She was talking about her belly and how it was a little jiggly.  I told her I understood. Then she named another friend and said she hopes she can get her belly back like hers.  I wanted to say, "Oh, what, you don't want this bowl of jelly I have?". :)  

 Maybe Definitely the problem is that I want extreme compliments. When I compliment someone...I go on and on. And I make sure they leave CONVINCED that I meant it.  I guess when I ask questions, I am testing the person to see if they meant it.  Everyone fails my tests :)  

In other news...Finn is sweet as can be. But I think I have an irrational fear of him getting sick.
Let's be honest.
Kids get sick.
Babies get sick.
It's going to happen.
it's a matter of time.
Why am I so scared of it?

Maybe becasue I can't control it. 
I don't get  a say in when it happens, and what sickness it is.

I also think I'm in panic mode a little about Ethiopia. 
My pediatrician said maybe we should take someone we trust to stay in the room with Finn while we visit the orphanage. I agree. But that is a lot of money to ask someone to pay to help us with Finn.
And I know you're thinking "Just leave him!!".
Well, sorry, I can't.

Leah, if you are reading, you convinced me not to.
Leah adopted a baby when she had a newborn. She decided not to take the baby, and her husband went on one trip alone and she went on one alone. She said it was not encouraging to do it separately, and her milk dried up.  Both of those sound sad. So she convinced me...I'm taking him. I want to continue nursing. I do not want to be away from him.  And I think he will be fine.
But I am nervous.

So if you think of it. Pray for peace in that area. His health.
Maybe I'm just nervous because I NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO HIM.
I said it.
I already lost one.
I don't want to lose another. 

And I won't. And if I do, the Lord will carry me through it, just like he would for any of you.  
But there is no need to live in fear.

So I won't. Okay, God? I am choosing to trust you with Finn's health. With Eli's health.
With Brandon's health.
I am going to choose not to spend life worried.
And I don't.
But I can see how easily it would happen.

Okay, just for are some {blurry} pictures of Finn and Dad playing! 

ps. to my real friends who have read this far..I need help. I am getting my photography website together.  Does anyone know how to do a portfolio on there? Right now it is a blogsite...but I don't have a portfolio.  I don't know how I would host it..or include it...?!   If you want to see the work in progress, email me, and I will show you so you can offer constructive criticism.  :) 

gray ric rac copy


  1. A. I am EXACTLY the same with compliments!!
    B. I have some friends who are flying to Ethiopia Sunday to meet their little boy! That will be you soon!!!
    C. Adorable pics!

    1. I can't wait until we are the ones flying :) Thanks for your sweet comment!! Happy FRIDAY!!

  2. Hey Girl -
    I had to learn that same lesson about compliments. Oh the DRAMA that 2 simple words can end and solve FOREVER by simply saying "Thank you". My Grandmother finally taught me to just say that and be done. :)
    On that note, So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore really helped me.
    Next point-I am terrified of losing my children. I am even terrified to type those words.I lost a pregnancy at 13 weeks, but I don't think that really caused my fear. It may simply just be "normal". After my first son was born, I felt horrified and helpless that something might happen to him and how in the world could I ever keep him safe. Aside from shelter, safety, proper nutrition, etc., there were so many things out of my control that would swim in my head and keep me on the brink of sheer panic. At some point I realized I could do something. I could pray over him without ceasing and speak God's blessings over him and let God be in control. Of course this is not always easy, but now when I get in those fearful moments of worry, I try to come back to the present moment (after all the past doesn't exist and neither does the future, all that is real is the present moment), then I focus on what joy I have in that present moment and I speak verses and prayers to combat the fears. Many times, I use 2 Tim 1:7 for me and over the boys I say Luke 2:52 as recommended by ChristyM. :) Wow - this is a long comment. Sorry! It is just I can relate to how you feel and it has been a long walk through it!

  3. I have 2 friends with great photog websites. They use the same company. Not sure what it is, but I'm sure it is on their sites. and BTW, you are gorgeous fried! Not just b/c you are beautiful on the outside, but you have a beauty that comes from within. Your love for the Lord and others fills you up and reveals itself in your gorgeous face!

  4. I wish I had the monetary means, because I would so come to Ethiopia and watch Finna for y'all :) Seriously- I'm not just saying that!
    I also do the same thing with compliments-mostly the ones given by Matt (I know he would agree with what Brandon said)!!
    I'm excited for this new photography adventure-I wish I had advice to give ya! LOVE you friend!!! Think of you often and loving your Instagram pics :) Finn is so handsome & adorable!!!!

  5. I am reading. :)

    Whatever choice you make in terms of traveling to Ethiopia will be the best choice for your family, I have no doubt about that. I remember when my husband took the first trip to Ethiopia. It was in August 2010, and my daughter was only 3 weeks old, so he went alone obviously. (I was still healing myself at that point) I thought about sending him alone for the next trip as well, but everyone convinced me that I needed to see Ethiopia and where my son lived for the first months of his life. And I totally agree with that. But you know what? Being without my 3 month old daughter, I couldn't enjoy Ethiopia anyway. Oh I wanted to. I love traveling, I wanted to soak in the culture, but I was mourning the entire time. (As the poor other American families who stayed at the same guesthouse as me) I was MISERABLE.

    It obviously won't be easy to bring Finn, but you know what? Someday you are going to look back on how your family was created, and you'll all get to appreciate the fact that you were all together each step of the way. I'm still mourning the fact that my little family of 4 was so split up during all of this. And you know what. .. I think your little baby in Ethiopia will relax immediately at the sight of Finn. When my son met my daughter, a calmness came over him. You 4 will get to start your bonding that much sooner. :)

    Please know that I'm praying for your family, and I hope you can find peace about the entire situation. People call people like you and I crazy. . . adopting and pregnant. . . all at the same time. But take it from someone who has done it the same way. . . I wouldn't change a thing. I wasn meant to have my "twins" and I'm sure you were meant to as well. :)

    1. Leah, somehow I still can't get in your blog! I thought I had permission. I appreciate you sharing your heart about everything! You are so encouraging and helpful! And I would love to hear more about your transition right now!!! Attachment, etc!!

  6. I sure wish I had the financial means to help you! I'd love to fly to Ethiopia with you. I was just telling someone today that I'd love to go back to Africa again. And if not me, I sure wish I could pay for someone to go with you, just to ease your fears. But you are right. God has a plan and will be protecting Finn's health while you are there. Your milk is the best for him his Dr's here will give him what he needs, if anything, in advance. And your family will all be together. You guys are amazing.

    Which brings me to the next. Please believe me when I "joke" that I wish I could be you when I grow up :) There are so many amazing things about you that I wish I could just pluck off of you and put on me. I could list them, but where's the fun in that if you can't "test" me over the computer? :) So ask me sometime in person, and I'll tell you everything I love about you!

    Happy Friday (tomorrow) friend!!

    PS. I also have a great friend with a photog site...hers started as a blogspot, and she built it up. Not sure how...but you can check it out, and if you have questions, I can get you in contact with her.

  7. Brooke, I understand your not wanting to leave your baby. My husband and I went to Jamaica for 5 days a few wks ago and I almost refused to go because I didn't want to leave our baby. He's still nursing and I had to pump every 4 hrs or so to keep my milk supply. I had to pump and dump. And I was so scared he wouldn't want to nurse or wouldn't remember me when I came back, or would think I had abandoned him the whole time I was gone. But my husband knew I desperately needed to get away and insisted. And it all ended up going good. But I totally understand your desire to bring him. I think it will be hard having him and the new little one together, especially when you've never been with the new one before and will have adjustments to make.

    Also...I haven't seen you but I'm sure that you look great! If you want to talk bowls of jelly...I could show you a bowl of jelly! After 4 kids, 2 of them being 10+ lbs, I am left with quite a bowlfull. So maybe you could write a post about what you've been doing to work out? Since you obviously look great, all of those people trying to compliment you!

  8. Not to sound discouraging - I imagine it would be a hard trip...but totally worth it! And very much covered in his grace. And I'm so excited to hear about it when the time comes.