Watch out for momma bear!

oh goodness, watch out ladies, because four month old finn is turning into a handsome little man! he has always been handsome, but now he is starting to look a little less 'baby' and a lot more 'boy'. I'm not saying I'm happy about it...but trying to embrace it, because come on, he will grow whether we like it or not!

No joke, I did not enhance his eyes.  Got them from his dad.  I ran a basic preset over the photo, but I didn't brighten his eyes up.  Crazy little guy and his bright blue, gorgeous eyes.  And the drool.  One month of drool now.  Waiting for the tooth, but not in a any hurry to have it either :)

Let me tell you about my crazy momma bear instinct that I had no idea that existed until I had children.  I didn't even know it happened, but let me tell you it does!  I am sure you all have it, in one way or another.  The way I hear parents talk about their kids, "Little Johnny is so naughty when he does this, I wish he would stop", but the minute anyone else talks about little johnny, you better watch out!  It's not okay anymore :)

I have seen this in several instances with my children, briar included, two of which I will give examples of, but neither of which were that "big of a deal".  I am sure the other person didn't recognize that the situation even happened and probably didn't even think to say anything to me about it, because it was that minor.

Okay, here we go.  First, we'll talk about Finn.  I stay at home with him.  I love being with him.  I leave him with Brandon once every couple of days to run an errand.  Other than that, he has hung out with my friend Terri (holla for a screaming child!) and my friend Karlisa's mom, the childcare workers at fitness for women (5 times), max fitness (3 times) {WHY AM I TELLING YOU, YOU DON"T CARE...SORRY! JUST MAKING A POINT..}....oh, and the grandparents...but needless to say, he has not been away from me that much.  So leaving him is a big deal.  I try not to be one of "those parents", so I have been trying to leave him with people more...but at the same time...he won't be spoiled people, he's four months old.  And if he does get spoiled, well...then we'll deal with that :)

ANYWAY, I left him at our church nursery. I trust them.  They know him.  I knew he would be fine.  I left him sleeping with his airplane engine (sounding) noise machine, and a cover over his car seat.  Sleep should have lasted an hour at least.  When I get back, about 50 minutes later, he is being held by a worker.  I ask if he was fussy and she said, "Well that white noise was pretty loud and he MUST be hungry", then she said, " He sure is a serious baby".  I felt fine until she said the last part.  I mean, I can say that he is serious.  But when you tell me he is serious (unless you're a family member, who can make those comments :), it is like saying, "Wow, that scarf is interesting" or "Your hair is different looking".  I wouldn't call them insults, but I certainly wouldn't classify them as compliments either!  So, of course, i couldn't stay quiet.  i said, "Well, he smiles all the time for me".  {really? why did I feel the need to say that? she wasn't being mean, just making an observation!  see what i mean??  momma bear is coming out!}.

Then there is example number two.  Involving Eli.  Well, since I can't show his real photo online, but I can show it in person, I am desperate to show off my child to others.  You can find me flashing it to the workers at Starbucks, my dental hygenist, etc.  So, when my 5:30am workout buddies (random acquaintances who I have been seeing at the gym for 4.5 years..>} asks about  my "new" baby, I proudly get out my phone to show a picture of Eli.  Although Finn is my "new" baby, most of the people there have already seen him.  To make sure we were talking about the same child, I said, "This is the newest baby who we are adopting".  As I held out the phone to show him (an older man, in his 60's}, he seemed confused and then uninviting.  He looked at me, almost disappointed, then said, "Oh, well where is the picture of YOUR baby?"...insinuating that Eli is not mine..?!  Also, looking at his photo, and making me feel a very distinct sense of RACIAL prejudice.  I cannot read minds, but I feel pretty certain that there was something bothering him about the way my child looked.  And that made me so mad!!!  I know that I have to prepare myself for a lifetime of weird questions about his race and his place in our family, but as far as I'm concerned, he is just as much "my" child as Finn is.  He might not have been born from me, but the Lord called us to him, and prepared his way to be in our family...so there is no difference.

Okay, just had to see if anyone else had these crazy momma instincts to protect their children when others start to talk bad about them!  Or even start to talk ANY WAY about them...or even look at them a different way.  If I'm this bad now, how will I be when he gets here?!

In other news, I am feeling very weirded out by my angel care monitor. I have a video portion of it, and it is quiet until it hears something in the room (usually him fussing).  But lately, close to midnight, it has been coming on, but all I hear is white noise.  So I click on to see him, and he is sleeping SOUNDLY.  Not moving, not rustling around, NOTHING.  Then, it goes silent again.  THen, about 30 seconds later, I hear the white noise again, but when I inspect the screen, he is STILL.  Umm, hello house from 1924, I do not believe in ghosts, but I would appreciate that whatever is happening in Finn's room...could it please stop?! It is weirding me out to have this thing come on!  Umm, thank you.

Oh, and in further news...I did launch the photography blogsite, only about a month past my projected goal..which was at the beginning of 2012. :)  If you get a chance, go say hi there :)  I will just post there with new photo shoots, and occasionally some personal shoots of Finn, etc.

New perspective

As I mentioned in a previosu post, you will get a brand new perspective when you have children (or I suppose any life change).
One main perspective changer was remembering back to March 2010.
When my husband nursed (or tried to..) our sweet friend Jess' little boy, Caed.
He is now two years old. In this photo he was under six months old....
Now that I have a child (that looks this size..) I can't imagine if someone allowed him to latch. Jess and Grant did not know us that well at the time.  I CANNOT BELIEVE that they still wanted to be our friends.  Seriously, I don't know why they did.

In fact, they wanted to be our friends so much, they (VERY INTENTIONALLY) asked us if we wanted to hang out every Thursday.  We are pretty notoriously anti-commital to EVERYTHING, and I think we were nervous about this, but we agreed.  We called it FLITIS (a mixture of Flynn and Whitis)...and it was/is AMAZING.  It was life.  Some weeks were SUPER MESSY and some were just picture perfect.  Some dinners were burned and some were amazing.  Some bedtimes were easy and some were whiny.  They taught us so much about intentional, loving parenting and discipline.  They taught us about intentional friendship.  Pursuing a consistent friendship with people is IMPORTANT.  Life gets in the way if you're not intentional.  I think I am saying "was" because there remains a very sad fact that rings true for every army family at some point, or many points in the journey they travel.  It is time for them to move.  In one part of my heart, I am OVERJOYED at what the Lord has for their family in Texas.  I am eager to see how he is going to use Jess and her gifts in a different way.  I am eager to know how they will serve and plug in there...but I could not be more sad to lose such an amazing friend in my day to day life.  Jess and Grant are awesome at SKYPE...and do so with their friends and family in Kansas City..but it is not the same as "doing life" every week...

Jess taught me a ton about photography and being a creative mind...and that is not all bad.  In fact, I have seen her business and her creativity just blossom and grow so much the past couple years.  IT has been awesome to watch her value herself and her work how it should be valued.  I have gone on shoots with her and observed her awesome style of photography. I loved watching the way she parented her two sweet kids...and how she just gave her heart to them every day....even if it meant being consistent in disicipline and in schedules...but also flexing when necessary.
 We realized that two creative minds would work HORRIBLY if we tried to be productive, but AWESOME if we tried to accomplish something cool...
Grant and Brandon are two manly, Godly men...and I loved hearing them talk about parenting, army, ministry, etc.  They built each other up...and I loved that.

One of the best gifts Jess ever gave us was photographing Briar's birth and his hours with us.  It was amazingly special and I am FOREVER grateful for it.  She is one of the VERY FEW people that met Briar.  She has seen both of my natural deliveries (if you have done this, you know it's a very..shall we say...vulnerable spot...words are spoken and noises are made that you really don't want even your nearest and dearest to experience...).  She cries when she remembers Briar and it makes me think that there are other people who valued him and thought he was real and beautiful.  This is one of the best gifts I could ever have.

I had her come for Finn's birth as well.  She also took newborn pics and maternity pics.
Spoiled, much?!  She is such a gift to us, not just because of her amazing, breathtaking talent (Which yes, is a factor) but because of her deep understanding of who we are, and the way she makes that come through in the photos.  For example, the awesome globe below..we want to do a globe photoshoot when we bring Eli home, but we did something cool with Finn too...almost reminding him that we want him to be in the world, but not of the world...we want him to have a heart for the nations...and for orphans...but most of all..to know that he is so LOVED.

These are just a COUPLE of the amazing photos that Jess has taken...I will share more another day, but I felt like I needed to do a post on the amazing people that have taught us so much about life and Godly living.  I have been praying for disicpleship, but in this friendship, I truly feel like I have been able to see some "Life on life" discipleship.
Discipleship in my mind is a relationship where you can gain knowledge and insight in your walk with the Lord. Taking a step closer.  That is what I feel like I could do when I watched her and the way she prayed for her kids, her husband....she is awesome.  See photos below for proof.

28 weeks and a premie..

Wow. I can't believe I am 28 weeks. I remember when I was 28 weeks with Briar. I had so much fluid. The kicks and movements felt different that time around. Briar moved more, because he had a swimming pool to move around in. :) I feel like I look just as big this time...(two pregnancies in a row will do that to you..) but I donn't have nearly as much fluid.  Tonight I had a sad moment, just thinking of Briar.  Thinking of how I could barely remember his face.  How his nose went up into the top of his forehead.  It's hard to remember.  It makes me feel like a bad mom.  He's my son. I should know.  But our time together was SO SHORT.  Much too short.  But to think of him now...in heaven...how can I feel sad for him? The only person who I can feel sad for is me :) That I missed out on his life on earth.  But I surely can't feel sad for him.  He is with our Father in heaven. No better place, in my opinion.

Finn moves quite a bit too, but in a different way. I hear more pushing out (almost like a bruise) on the top of my skin.  I love being pregnant, and I feel so lucky that my pregnancy is super easy.  I am still working out every day, and really enjoying it!  A guy at the gym told me that my baby will come out working out.  Well, obviously not doing squats down to the ground... :)
Teresa Cotey, I laughed and laughed about your comments about living in a country where you were forced to squat to use the bathroom.....this is so true...most people that come from overseas have no problem with this kind of squat.  It was a NECESSITY, not a choice.
Not me. :)

My belly looks lumpy at the top. He is just moving all around. I often feel like he is on one side or the other. A lot of people mention it when they see my belly. He is on one side or the other. So goofy. I forgot to remind Brandon that the little focus dot needed to be on my eyes...not on the chalkboard. So enjoy the chalkboard focused photos :)

Just recently, I think I told you that my friend Priscilla delivered a healthy baby after enduring several losses. I was so enthused to meet him that we did a quick photo shoot the day I saw him at home in his new nursery.  Sweet Samuel.
One of the best purchases I have made recently at my local thrift store was the vintage scale that I got for $8. How awesome is that? So,so sweet.












Oh. My. Goodness. I saw him today and he is now three weeks old. He was two weeks old here. SO HANDSOME!!!! I love him!!  He was just a sweet, 5 lb. premie.  Excuse me for missing the ounces here...but he was just a little, handsome snugly man.

Thank you for your opinions on the nursery fabric.  Keep it coming.  I need help.  I have been trying to go see a dresser my friend has for about two weeks now.  Just ridiculous how crazy my life seems. How? I am not working?! It makes me wonder if I will be LESS productive while staying at home.  When I have to work I manage my time very efficiently, because I have to.  When I am not working, sometimes my ADD self gets to roam.

I did decide on a name for my photography.  It is based on what I often say.  I tell people all the time, "Hello, friend".  I feel like it is a cheery way to greet someone.  I call my students friends. I call adults friends.  Unless they dont' seem kind, then they do not get this title.  I suppose, as I name my photography, my hope is that anyone I take photos of will be doing this so that I can invest in their lives.  So I can capture a moment in their lives, a season.  Every change in our lives is marked at a moment in time, but it will not stay this way for long.  As I photograph life, I really love capturing moments.  And my hope is that by the end of a photo shoot, that they can call me a friend.  If not, I dont want to take photos of you...it is important to me that I can connect with every person and/or family that I take photos of.  It makes it much easier to show personality in photos.
You will see some tweaking on this logo.
But this is the draft one that I am putting on my print releases now.




I am not taking any new shoots at the moment, but if you are interested in future shoots, I can take your name so that when my schedule opens up, I can let you know! :)

Sweet friends...

We always say that in the army, we make friends and then they move away.
People used to say this about us, but we happen to stay put!
We have only lived two places!
One great example of this is one of our favorite couples....
And they moved away.
And we have been sitting in our house crying ever since :)

They actually moved in with us their last week and a half here.
And it was awesome.
It made me think that I could really live with another couple....because it just felt like we were livingin community. It was fun. It was real. It was AWESOME.
Then they left on a cross country drive to their new home in San Diego.
And they took our hearts with them.
Goodbye, Filers.
Hopefully we will be neighbors again, someday!! We love you guys!!
One of the most fun photo shoots EVER!!




That is their sweet little only dog, Georgia, in the background.. :)

A little bit of Emma Jane...

Just a couple sweet pics of my friend Emma Jane.  Because I love her, and her momma.

And I'm going on a field trip with 20 second graders today. 

I'm so excited.

Really, I am.

It might be hot and wild....but what a fun adventure!

Would love to tell you about some progress with the adoption, fun with photography group, date day in Atlanta with my hubby...but I will save that for another day.

Happy Wednesday to you!

photography group

Our church does GROWTH GROUPS.  This is sort of an unconventional approach to a bible study or life group.  Each person who leads one chooses a topic. It might be a beth moore bible study.  It might be fencing (does anyone do that, except my old soccer coach from Tunisia?) or it could be reading...  Then they meet each week and do something along those lines.  Brandon plays softball as one of his "growth groups".  I lead a "photography group".  I am NO EXPERT, but I do enjoy it, and I wanted to create community amongst other people that do too!!
One of the favorite parts of my week is photography group. I enjoy being with people who want to learn more about their cameras. Kate, my sweet friend, has been coming since the start and I am so thankful for her! SHe has been a great teacher and helper, and I feel like she has stepped in and helped me lead it, since she is way more of a subject matter expert than I am!  Practice makes perfect in photography.  So, we have had several models throughout the last couple weeks. One of them was my friend Natalie's sweet puppy, Georgia. Another consisted of various couples in our group...which was a fun adventure.

Sweet Georgia



I love seeing Georgia play with Natalie! They are so cute! My dogs don't do this anymore with me :) They just eat my things...



Trying to practice some rules of composition with Natalie.

Oh, and then we have the infamous tandem bike. This little $30 garage sale purchase has taken us on many dates, driven us to the grocery store, to dinner, on the riverwalk, on the Rails to Trails...it is a very fun little bike. And I don't feel scared on it when I am pregnant because the wheels are SO WIDE and my strong hubby is in control.
These are not pictures of us, but friends of ours that we talked into riding it. Some of them were more excited than others :)



Stephanie was a great sport, although I don't think tandem bike riding is her best friend :)

Today is my last week day of spring break, and I wouldn't say I'm thrilled about it.  But it has been a great break.  Pretty relaxing, fun, and full of surprises.  I have been able to stay up for Brandon's softball games.  Last night we got home at 11pm.  Normal me, that wakes up at 5am, couldn't have done that, so I am thankful for this week and those fun little changes!  Hopefully this weekend will be filled with some time at the lake, although don't count on me getting IN the water....more just tanning OUTSIDE it.


On another adoption related note, we are really excited that we got our Fingerprint Appointment in Atlanta for our "I600a: Application for Advance Processing or Orphan Petition". It is so random...we have to drive to Atlanta to get them done on a MONDAY. I know if we reschedule, it will take weeks, so we are just going to have to go for it! Pretty crazy!  That means we are one step closer to the US Government approving our adoption, and then sending their approval to us, which we will send to Ethiopia!  Pretty awesome, if you ask me!

Briar and Photos...some weekend reflections.

I spent most of Saturday cleaning.
Cleaning out the attic.
moving things around.
I made my way to the trunk filled with everything that Briar wore. His obituaries. His blankets (minus the one I sleep with). Everything that was him.
It wasn't hard.
It was fun.
To see what was left of my boy.
IN THIS WORLD.
In heaven, he is FULL, COMPLETE, MADE WHOLE.  God often reminds me of that when I think of him as "gone".
But it was fun...to see this stuff.
To explore it.
To hold the hats that were on his head.
To touch the blankets that he layed on.
The one moment I got sad...was a note that was written by my friend Evan, who was 11 at the time. I helped take care of him when he was about 2-5 years old. He is so big now. He wrote, "Congratulations on being a mom, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!". It was so sweet. And it melted my heart. As you probably know, we had Briar on my birthday. Sometimes I forget that I'm already a mom.  I already have that title.  It made me so proud to remember that.  And it made me cry. :)

Many people seemed SO EXCITED about the new pregnancy..and the adoption. But (obviously it's hard to be excited) not as much about Briar...obviously a hard line to walk.  If I told you about Briar and you said, "Oh, that's so exciting"...I would wonder what was wrong with you...so I'm not saying that it should be that way.  But... I sometimes forget that I already AM a MOM. To a sweet little baby in heaven! It is sad that I don't get to play with him every day, but I am a mom. Yet another reason I am thankful for the Mama project.

I am having a lot of fun doing photographs for people.  It is getting a little overwhelming...lots of requests and not much time while I am in school.  The adoption won't be final until sometime in 2012...so you've got lots of time to be a part of the journey!

I had slowed down shoots during my first trimester. I did this shoot and it took me about a month to edit. I was SOOOOO TIRED.  I am pretty booked until I get out of school, but excited to start shooting once I am out.
IF I have not responded to you on facebook, I am so sorry!  I often read my messages from my phone and think I will respond later, then don't...

But the shoot that took me a month to edit, the Harrisons.
Some of our favorite people. We would like to be their neighbors. WE both bought old, old houses with lots of charm.  Too bad they aren't next door :)  We love being around them.  They inspire us.
Some of my favorites from the Harrisons...

Typical family photo with a five year old..

Sweetness...