Just a crazy redemption revelation

First of all, thank you for your encouragement about EVERYTHING!! I love hearing about things that you go through, and how you relate to me. Even if my add mind doesn't always respond, I really really appreciate you sharing your stuff with me.

On a funny note, as I was writing this title, I was writing "crazy" and wrote "cray"...and I keep hearing these middle schoolers say "cray cray" instead of crazy and it makes me laugh so hard, just like omg used to. So...here I go...my cray cray redemption story.
Why does middle school reality make me want to join in? Getting too old...

This story has to do with my sweet Briar, and my new little man Eli.  Finn isn't involved in this story as much, although you know if you have read this blog for any time at all, that he is just the light of our lives at the moment ;)

 

As you know, (hopefully), we lost our first son, Briar, last year in September 2010. He was due in November 2010. You can read about the story here.  We started our adoption process a while ago.  You can see some of the process here.  Which, by the way, I'm not sure why I said in that post, "we got a referral".  More like "We got a child!!!" :)  Anyway, we always asked for a young child in our referral, we were thinking under 12 months.  Not long before we got our referral, our agency called just to double check where we felt like the Lord was leading us.  We said we really felt like up to two years old would be appropriate, we just wanted our children to be close together in age.  I had trouble with this, because I really wanted a young child, to make the transition easier (<---selfish) but I felt like I should be open to older, for whatever reason.  Brandon definitely felt open to that.  The night we got our referral, I really felt like she was going to say it was a child around 12 months.  Sure enough, she said that our child was around 13 months.  His age was estimated, so we actually don't know for sure, although he does have an estimated birthday.

I was talking to a friend at the gym.  A sweet, wonderful guy married to the funniest, sweetest friend I know.  She reminds me so much of Sarah Clore :)  Anyway, her hubby and I were talking about how I was bringing home a toddler, and I was nervous.  We were talking about toddler behavior, and I said he was about 13 months.  He said, "THat is the same name as Ezra".  I froze for a moment.  Because, you see, Ezra is one of those kids that most of the time I have no problem seeing, but sometimes I do, because he had the same due date as Briar.  Of course Briar was born early, but they had the same due date. So, for a while, I would look at Ezra and think "that would be how old Briar would be".  Things are not like that anymore, as now I see him and just think he is sweet and kind and cute, and that is not my first thought...

Anyway...here is the crazy redemption part.  God knew this.  He knew that he would be giving us a baby that was Briar's age.  not to replace Briar in anyway.  But to bring his story full circle.  To ease my fear of raising a toddler by saying, "I have already equipped you to raise a toddler...Briar...".  I feel like God has been clear that this is no accident.  It is the story he has written.  A beautiful story...that I feel blessed to be a part of!   Eli Matthew....we cannot wait to meet you in a little more than three weeks!!

On another note, if you have adopted, or know people who have, do you know anyone who does fund raising or offers help with that? We are applying for the "both hands" project through lifesong, as well as a local grant through an adoption agency in our community. We applied for money through an awesome place, jscfoundation.com, but they do not offer money for travel.  Unfortunately, those are the only expenses we have left.  We are going to do a fundraiser with some things we buy in Ethiopia.  we are also going to do more t-shirts. But other than that...it is time to get busy...we only have about $7000 left for expenses, and about $12000 or more left in expenses.  Just wondered if you have any ideas?

and one last note...I did zumba for the first time today. And I won't lie, I really enjoyed shaking it a little :) but I didn't sweat like I would in spin class or after a run. It was a workout though...so I'll take it! Have you ever done it?  Will I sweat more after I start to get it? I felt like half the time I was lost with choreography..

Little man feet...

One of my favorite parts of Briar were his feet.
They were huge for his little size.
He was adorable.  the photo of his feet are still on my desktop of my macbook.

The feet together on the canvas.  The set you see on the wall is the top set, Briar's feet.

sweet feet.  Brandon and I always thought Briar's feet were huge.  Then we did Finn's footprints, and we put them under Briar's.  The vision for the canvas in that room is to have all three boys' footprints on there (Briar, Finn and Eli).  Finn's look HUGE, thus making sweet Briar's look so small.  I am not quite sure how that makes me feel.  I liked feeling like his feet were big, because it made him seem real and substantial.  Obviously he is real...was real...but as Finn is VERY real and PRESENT every day, it makes me miss Briar that much more and wish he were here every day.

Enjoying the moments with Finn helps me to realize all that I am missing or missed with Briar.
But every time I look back on that day with Briar, I am thankful.  I recently had a girl reach out to me who was dealing with a diagnosis of anencephaly.  It is not a journey I would wish on anyone, so it is tough for me to hear that someone else is dealing with it, but it is also really neat that the Lord has given me the opportunity to encourage others.  The journey is tough, so I am happy to support people that are dealing with the loss of their sweet baby.

The moments with Finn are special because he is special.  Time with him is not diminished just because I miss Briar, but there are the moments that I think back and wish that we got more time.  I put this print in the nursery to remind me that I can CHOOSE to be happy, even in those moments that I miss my little man.  "Today I WILL (indicating I will choose to be) be happier than a bird with a french fry"...now I don't know if birds love french fries...but there is something that makes me happy about this print.  A little random, just like me...and just random enough to make you smile...

 I got hats like this for Briar, and so I wanted to get them for Finn. I got bigger ones for Finn, but they didn't fit him.  :) So they are still cute to hang, but he didn't really get to wear them.
Look at this sweet vest.  Finn wore this home from the hospital.  I can't believe how much bigger he is ALREADY!


I realize that this post is ALL OVER THE PLACE.  But remember what I wrote yesterday?  That is just my mind...so you'll have to be okay with it. :)

PS.  have you ever decorated your nursery, and wondered why you haven't spent more time decorating the rest of your house? I love spending time in the nursery, which makes me feel like I should have beens pending more time decorating other rooms in my house.  Hmm..

Briar's Celebration

We celebrated on our {shared} birthday...September 13th...
I am a little late in posting about it. :)
I don't need to tell you that it was pretty special to celebrate the one year of losing Briar.
Because we also choose to CELEBRATE his life, rather than focus on loss.
He is living an eternal life with our savior.
TO LIVE IS CHRIST and to DIE IS GAIN...Phillipians 1:21
Although hard to grasp, and hard for a momma to FEEL it...I know that our life is not about us, but about the GLORY of GOD.  So, in some way, I think that this serves to bring God eternal Glory.

I cannot believe it has been a year.
So hard to believe.
I see my friend's baby that had the same due date as Briar and sometimes I think that Briar should be that size, and should be here to greet Finn.
But I know that our family is forming just the way the Lord intended it.
And Briar was a special part of our family and always will be.

Someone was introducing us the other day at our growth group and they said, This is Brooke, Brandon and Briar...oops, I mean Finn Whitis...
It made me feel SO GOOD.
He is not forgotten.
His name is still spoken.
He is part of our family.
Even if he isn't here to really be a part of our day to day life.

We had the one year celebration at the boat club, the same place we had the original celebration. Same color balloons. It was a beautiful night.  After we released balloons, all the kids played in the water as the sun set.  It was such a peaceful, beautiful night.  Just perfect.

PHotos taken by my sweet, incredibly talented friend KATE WHITMORE.  thank you, kate. love love love them.






Happy one year birthday/anniversary in heaven, baby briar!
love, mom and dad and brother finn

A special birthday...one year...a special blessing

I can't believe it's been a year.It feels like I held that sweet boy in my arms yesterday.But, no, it has been an entire 365 days that have gone by.Sometimes I feel like I haven't grasped it at all.Then other days I feel like the Lord is so good to have brought him to heaven....to the place that we all long for in eternity.  That he never spent a day here on earth.
Wow, the emotions today are full of peace...but they sure are real.I wish my little man were here to celebrate my 28th birthday and his first birthday.I wish we got to do that together.  I wish he was about to welcome his baby brother into the world.  
But we do. and he is!  Because I know he is with Jesus. And I sit and talk with Jesus daily.So I know sweet Briar is here as we celebrate.
{Random} Today Brandon and I both seperately read a part from the book of JUDE in the bible.  Right before Revelation. I did not know it was in the bible {embarrasing}....but I read a verse that really struck my heart.  
Jude 1:21  "Live in such a way that God's love can bless you as you wait for the eternal life that our Lord Jesus Christ in his mercy is going to give you."
I love this.  Live in a way where I am giving of myself...for the gospel...for Christ....and even in that...he can bless me, as I wait for the eternal life that we will have...  I do not NEED to be blessed. My life is not about receiving blessing.  But even now, I know that we will receive sweet Finn as a blessing in our lives.  And for that I am so thankful.

The things that little child has taught me this year about God's absolute sovereignty...his grace...it is unbelievable.  The eternal perspective his life has given me.The way his life has made me want to live in a way that I serve and GIVE all that I am...All the time...because being caught up in myself isn't worth the time...It is worth it to pursue Godliness...and pursue the Lord.He has made us realize that the blessings the Lord gives us do not always come the way we imagine.  In the package we think. In the perfect way we plan.  But they definitely come.  You just have to be willing to accept them...whatever they look like.
What an amazing gift God has given me in that.

I love this picture.  Almost a PICTURE of God taking Briar to heaven.  This picture just is a tangible show of the eternal light of our savior...and how he was shining that day on the outer shell of Briar...and how he shines now...on me while I wait to join my son in heaven. I pray that I will live a long life of influence here on this earth before I go to meet him. But who knows what the number of my days is. So I will live each day with purpose.  I say all this with the chance of sounding "CHEESY"...but also just sharing my heart...even if it might come off that way.

I don't think I have shared this before. My little boy, and his sweet face. I love him so much. I wish I could kiss those cheeks today. But I know that the one who does kiss those cheeks is so much better than his momma....although days go by when I still feel like momma would be best.. :)  I chose to cover up his little eyes. Because he was not just sleeping, but had moved on...

Later today, we will release balloons and reflect on the blessings that we have in this world...Briar being such a special one to us.

If you live in Columbus...I would love for you to join us.

If not, be thankful for your blessings today, wherever you are!. 
I sure am!!

Thinking about Briar..and birth...

The past several days have been tough. I have no idea why, but I feel like I am just coming to a weird realization... just remembering and reflecting on the loss of Briar. I am really missing him and going through some natural emotions, but just reminding myself of the joy that is to come, and reminding myself of the JOY that he is experiencing in heaven.  He was so beautiful, by far the most incredible gift we've ever been given.  Getting to a large part (ie. I am large) of my pregnancy makes me realize that I am in a similar spot to when I had Briar.  So now we are entering new territory.  I am in my 30th week right now  We went into the hospital at 31.5 weeks and had him at 32 weeks.  So...we are close.  And it is scary.  I had a dream last night that I was bleeding, and I was so relieved to know that it was only a dream.


Overall, I will continue to REJOICE that our boy is in heaven.  I will also continue to feel the emotions I have, to give Briar all the attention he deserves.  But this sweet boy in my belly...I will rejoice for his health and continue to have huge hope for his future!

Last night, we had a celebration for Samuel....a WELCOME to the WORLD party, if you will :) I took zero pictures (whoops...) but it was a lot of fun.  I can tell samuel has gotten a lot bigger, but he is still most likely below 7lbs.  To hold him and realize that I have a 2lb baby in there now...and that I will birth a baby this big....wow...I was in awe all night!! It is just crazy to think about!  It is a true miracle...that God has created in us the ability to create humans....just unbelievable...

Anyway, enough rambling.  Happy Saturday to you!!

Thinking of Briar...

One of the things I treasure the MOST from my time with Briar is the photos I have to REMEMBER everything. It is sad how much my memory fails me sometimes.  I WISH I would have had my video camera at the hospital.  I will definitely have it this time.  Even Brandon has trouble understanding, saying, "Well, we don't need that many photos this pregnancy, I am more concerned after he is born, we just did this...". I just take NOTHING for granted....knowing that I Have no guarantee about this baby, although there is surely a HUGE hope and prayer that this baby will be 100% healthy. I just don't want to take it for granted.  So we will have some photos of this pregnancy, because we want to appreciate every part of this journey with baby Finn.

I have been thinking of Briar a lot. I am about 29 weeks. At this point in my pregnancy with Briar, I was getting very, very full of fluid. I was uncomfortable.  But, with no extra fluid this time, I still feel super uncomfortable :)  Oh well!!

  I really want to order a print that the AMAZING, INCREDIBLE CAPTURE PHOTOGRAPHY (JESSICA FLYNN) took of us while we were pregnant with Briar.  I am missing him so much lately, but it feels silly to talk about a lot of times.  Brandon definitely understands and there are several friends that I know will always listen, but it is so tough.  I find myself just feeling sad some days during this pregnancy, and I'm just missing him.  Knowing that he is rejoicing in heaven right now...and HONESTLY that is a better place than here in my arms, but boy, it doesn't feel that way...

 Either way, I want a print on my walls to remember that pregnancy, that child.  I am trying to decide what photo to print on metal.  I scored a groupon for $39.00 for an 11x14 metal print, but since I already had a $10 off coupon, it was only $29.99!

If you want to place your vote, I need some help!  I love the bottom photo, but I don't know if it shows the pregnancy well enough... :)  Would love your thoughts.





Isn't Jessica Flynn AMAZING? I know...she really is...

As part of the Mama Project..

I was on the news..

which, let's be honest, is a little weird.
But it was done by a super sweet girl. Who loves blogs. And has a heart for baby loss.
So it felt really comfortable. And honest.
It felt good to talk about Briar and his sweet little life.




I thought it was sweet. We want to offer hope to mommas who have lost.  Their journey can move forward, regardless of the pain they are feeling. 
on Wtvm.com there are "extras" and I am in there too...sort of crazy...
Today, I am choosing to feel hope...as I am trying to remember to choose each day!
Whatever is true, . . . honorable, . . . just, . . . pure, . . . pleasing, . . . commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.



-Philippians 4:8 (NRSV)

Happy Mother's Day!

I woke up with a happy heart this morning.
My hubby sprinkled Reeses on me and had a card for me. I opened it up and it was a super sweet card written from him...and he also wrote from Briar, Eli and Finn. (notes from each of them). It made me smile and cry....and then I opened the prenatal massage that I will get to take advantage of, and I just smiled!!
Church was incredible today. Christy Murphy, Jeff's wife, brought an amazing message. A message that reminded everyone to rejoice and praise God in their circumstances. Being a mom is the hardest job I can think of. But there are other tough things going on out there. She brought up a mom who is just an incredible testimony of praising God in the midst of Trial. I had the opportunity to hang out with her today, and host her and her sons as they were our guests at Mychurch this morning. From the moment I met her, she was all smiles and positive. And her story is one that might not make you feel so positive. From losing a house, job, family members, etc....she has stayed in a mind set to stay positive, as it will not do her any good to be negative. I love that attitude.  You can go here to read more about him and their journey.  They are determined to make the most out of his LIVING. I love that attitude.
Her son Ty was diagnosed, at age 10, with Huntington's disease. This disease is fatal and will take his life within 5 to 10 years. He turned 15 today. He is in a wheelchair and has lost the ability to speak or eat normally, but he has not lost his spirit. He would reach out for hugs all the time, and he was admiring the beautiful girl singing on stage. So much so that he started making noise when his mom and I began talking....begging us to take him back in to the SECOND service in a row...he didn't want to miss the pretty girl on stage... :)

I love taking the focus off ourselves.
It is so easy for me to wake up and feel sad, during the baby dedication, that my baby was in heaven with Jesus, while my other two babies are not here with me yet.  Yet, I have no reason not to praise God.  He has given me everything I need. He has provided me with health. With a loving husband. With food and shelter. With everything he has for me at THIS MOMENT.  So, with that, I am going to enjoy every little bit of pregnancy and the waiting that comes with adoption.  Soon enough our house will be full of laughter and tears and screaming and CRAZY....so for now I will just use these moments to relish the quiet moments on the hammock :)

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the mommas out there!

My father in law sent me this today.  It made me smile.  They were up there today, in London, KY...and they went up to the top of the hill to visit the tree and the stone...we know my boy is not there...he is with his Father in heaven...but it is such an amazing place to go and see a representation of his life. :) So glad he sent this!
Thinking of our boy in heaven, our boy in my belly (almost 21 weeks..) and the boy that is waiting for us in Ethiopia...who might not even be born yet.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the mommas!

Briar and Photos...some weekend reflections.

I spent most of Saturday cleaning.
Cleaning out the attic.
moving things around.
I made my way to the trunk filled with everything that Briar wore. His obituaries. His blankets (minus the one I sleep with). Everything that was him.
It wasn't hard.
It was fun.
To see what was left of my boy.
IN THIS WORLD.
In heaven, he is FULL, COMPLETE, MADE WHOLE.  God often reminds me of that when I think of him as "gone".
But it was fun...to see this stuff.
To explore it.
To hold the hats that were on his head.
To touch the blankets that he layed on.
The one moment I got sad...was a note that was written by my friend Evan, who was 11 at the time. I helped take care of him when he was about 2-5 years old. He is so big now. He wrote, "Congratulations on being a mom, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!". It was so sweet. And it melted my heart. As you probably know, we had Briar on my birthday. Sometimes I forget that I'm already a mom.  I already have that title.  It made me so proud to remember that.  And it made me cry. :)

Many people seemed SO EXCITED about the new pregnancy..and the adoption. But (obviously it's hard to be excited) not as much about Briar...obviously a hard line to walk.  If I told you about Briar and you said, "Oh, that's so exciting"...I would wonder what was wrong with you...so I'm not saying that it should be that way.  But... I sometimes forget that I already AM a MOM. To a sweet little baby in heaven! It is sad that I don't get to play with him every day, but I am a mom. Yet another reason I am thankful for the Mama project.

I am having a lot of fun doing photographs for people.  It is getting a little overwhelming...lots of requests and not much time while I am in school.  The adoption won't be final until sometime in 2012...so you've got lots of time to be a part of the journey!

I had slowed down shoots during my first trimester. I did this shoot and it took me about a month to edit. I was SOOOOO TIRED.  I am pretty booked until I get out of school, but excited to start shooting once I am out.
IF I have not responded to you on facebook, I am so sorry!  I often read my messages from my phone and think I will respond later, then don't...

But the shoot that took me a month to edit, the Harrisons.
Some of our favorite people. We would like to be their neighbors. WE both bought old, old houses with lots of charm.  Too bad they aren't next door :)  We love being around them.  They inspire us.
Some of my favorites from the Harrisons...

Typical family photo with a five year old..

Sweetness...

In my mind, I update my blog every day...

Too bad for you, you're not in there too :)

Yesterday (is Sunday, so just pretend like I published this when I was supposed to..okay?) was fun. Kentucky clinched the SEC tournament championship. Now we are ready to take on the big time NCAA championship. I am filling out my bracket now, trying to give love to all the teams....UNC for the KREBS...(well, and they deserve it..), Ohio State for my dad...(and they are #1 ranked..), a couple wins for DUKE, although they are not my favorite team in the nation...I enjoy college basketball season. March MADNESS! I tried to ask my class if they knew anything about college basketball and they all looked at me with blank stares. Poor Southern People...all they know is FOOTBALL. I wish they knew the merits of a good basketball team :)

On another note.. Yesterday, Brandon and I went to see high school musical live in theater in the big old Columbus GA. It wasn't too bad...it wasn't the most incredible show...but it was well done, and our sweet friend that was in it was very good! I love some live theater. The last thing we went to was called, "Reefer Madness"...and based on the title alone, you can probably guess how good it was. It was a parody of the myth that pot used to make kids sex crazed, etc...considering two non-drug-trying...straight laced dorks walked in there...we didn't fit in well :) I swear at one point the place filled up with smoke, and it smelled like the real deal.

I would say the best part of yesterday was taking the dogs to the park. We took them to park we love, called Flat Rock. It is a beautiful park, full of natural rock formations and trails and pseudo hiking opportunities. We let the dogs off the leash, as we sometimes do (ignoring the fact that it's illegal..) so that they could run. I don't feel comfortable with it, but Brandon has always insisted. So anyway...Bella is running up to picnic tables and we keep calling her away. She begins to run down to us, but then turns back to the tables. She spends a long time up at one table and I ask Brandon to go check it out. He walks up there, and a guy is standing there, with his arms crossed, watching BELLA EAT HIS DINNER. He said, "Your dog just ate our picnic". Umm...awkward...what do we say to that? All we could say is SORRY! We had no money to compensate.

I love this little gal, but she is so bad sometimes!
And then there is Buoy, who growls at everyone who makes him frustrated, but acts like a cuddly angel to everyone else.

If the job I am doing with my dogs will reflect the job I will do with my children, I might be in big trouble :)

Saturday morning, I proctored the SAT at a local high school. Or, I stared at high schoolers for 3 hours and 45 minutes while not eating or drinking anything :) It was quite boring, but an easy way to make money. I felt the stress of these poor kids. While I waited, I looked through an extra test book, and that test is not easy. Maybe it was easier for me back then, when I remembered all those formulas..?! haha! I am not a math whiz, but all of the english language portions made me happy to go back and look at. Dorky, I know.

The last hugely significant thing this weekend, that made me want to lay in bed all day Sunday...was the 6 month anniversary of Briar's birth. My six month bday, and his too :) If I weren't fasting sweets, I would have had a birthday cake for both of us. I miss him. And Brandon does too. All the time, at random times, one of us will say, "I miss Briar."...and there we sit. There is nothing to say, except, "me too". It hurts. And I wish he were here to hold. Sometimes I have to truly hold my tongue when I hear people complaining about bedtimes, etc. Because I would give anything to be dealing with that stuff with little BA. But it was not the journey the Lord had for him on this earth. And we know that. But sometimes it still aches in my heart and it feels almost unbearable. Good thing that i have a hope beyond that here and now. Beyond that in this moment.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
2 Corinthians 4:17

BUt still...

I'm glad the weekend is done.

I'm excited to hear from another great photographer tonight at our photography group.

I am so thankful for our church. The people there who push one another to reach out, to LIVE OUT their faith. I am so thankful not to be lost in a church. To NOT just be a number. But to know that I am PERSONALLY being challenged and CALLED OUT to live in my faith. TO surrender to God. And know that he will provide. And he does. I am so thankful for that. I am so excited to see what the Lord continues to do through Mychurch.

Goodbye sad weekend...hello wonderful week!

5 month reflection, decorating...

The coolest things happened this week.

Those things that just is so ordained by the God of the Universe that you have to step back for a moment.

Well, it started several weeks ago.
I don’t know if I told you that Brandon and I had the opportunity to share our story at church, the same week that we got the big check for our adoption. Several really amazing things have come out of that. One couple came up to us at church and said that the Lord had asked them to move forward with fostering to adopt after we spoke at church. So they went on Monday to enroll in the program and immediately began the classes. They hope to have a child in placement in 30-45 days!! Whoa...that blew our minds. We weren’t there to motivate, just to share what the Lord was asking us to do. It was incredible. And so humbling. To know that we had nothing to do with that, but the Lord will use us if we allow him to. It’s true in so many areas, but was so unavoidably obvious in this...

Just more confirmation of that little life, that visited us so briefly 5 months ago {today}.  Brandon remembered this morning and I forgot.  But obviously, he is  more of a day to day, moment by moment thought...than one that I celebrate 'death anniversaries" of.  I just want him to live on.  And the journey to find Briar's brother is one way that his little life is continuing to inspire.  Praise God for that.  Because above all else, we prayed the God would allow us to see his Glory through Briar's life.  And we do.  Every. single. day.

Today, just by chance, my computer froze on this picture on the screensaver.  I couldn't stop staring at it.  It is so sweet.  SUch a sweet little gift to momma, on the 5 month day... His one little finger looks cut off, but it's not, must be the angle... (in case you thought I took it as some sort of weird souvenir...oh gosh..not even a good joke, sorry)

Then there was another girl, Priscilla, whose blog I was already following. I have loved reading about her journey. She was someone who had lost several babies and wrote about her struggles with such openness and complete vulnerability. It was refreshing to read and not only that, she lived near where I live, so I had been following her story for a while. She made a post about our church, and hearing our story on their first visit there. Someone from our church staff saw it and sent her post to me. It was all about her and her husband and their journey as they lost one baby after another (3 total) and how their faith in God began to falter (please...join me in saying that if you were in those shoes, I am sure you would have MAJOR QUESTIONS and maybe some harsh words for our heavenly father......). Anyway, after that, I just felt so burdened for them. For their losses, their hurting hearts, their babies in heaven (with my little guy)...I just felt moved to pray. So I did. And I have been. For weeks now, whenever I think of them. I just felt that they were a special couple and I could relate to just a little portion of their loss.

Well, on Tuesday, Priscilla showed up at my photography growth group!! I think the first thing I said to her was, “OH! It’s so good to meet you in real life!!!!”. What a mess I am. I am sure she was terrified to walk into my house like that. But it was incredible and definitely a moment that was completely from the Lord. I think we will be friends. We have a ton in common and we are walking through similar pain. She is pregnant again, about 19 weeks now. I am so excited for her, but I know she has a lot of fears, having lost baby in all three trimesters. I cannot even begin to say, “I understand” to her losses, but I can support her and know what my loss feels like. To add to it, she is leading the Faces of Loss group in our town, which I think I will be a part of. I am so excited for what this spring has in store!!

I think I’m in way over my head with the photography growth group. I am NO expert. But I am looking forward to learning and growing as we move forward. And I know I have not been updating. Can I be honest? I don’t have much to offer you. Don’t fight with me about it, I just don’t.
I am tired and busy. And with kids this will get busier. So, the blog could be coming to an end?! :)
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In other news...

In other news...this is an inspirational room of  a sweet blogger named Edie...unbelievably creative and wise homeschooling decorating momma.  Her house burnt down right before Christmas.  She is blogging through the journey with an inspiring real spirit.  And I have always loved reading her, and I have always loved her decorating.  I'm sure her new house will be just as beautiful, if not more!