Sweet Memories

This makes me cry EVERY TIME I WATCH IT!
There is no feeling like meeting your son.
Even if he cries a little.
Then there is poor finn on my back, he's not sure what to do either :)
These moments and the progress we made that week help me to get through these days.

These memories are similar to those you have at the hospital. When you think back, you think , "Gosh, you were so small. I remember the moment I first saw you. I remember when you first cried in the night..."  These are our "new parent" moments and memories with him.  Next time we see him, he will be 3 months older (hopefully less).  I would compare it to your child being in the NICU across the globe...

Trying to walk with Gigi

Our sweet boy and his snaggleteeth... :)

The leaning crawler...at the beginning of the week he wouldn't crawl at all.

I kept throwing his toys far away so he had to get them...

Crawling a little lopsided, but he was doing it by a couple days into our visit!

And although the sweet guy can be a little bit unsure, he loves to play!

Sweet Finn got his first tooth on the plane ride to Ethiopia and his second one right after we arrived. He spent a lot of time running his tongue over his new teeth.  

I know updates have been sparse here lately.  I am trying to enjoy these days with Finn, really mourning that they are the last ones that we get just us.  But also childproofing and rejoicing that soon we will have a new brother.  We are so excited about that!  Finn is rolling all around.  If I walk out of the room he will have rolled across the room looking for me!

We haven't heard anything from embassy or our agency.  It will be four weeks since court on Tuesday.  That means we are probably about one third of the way there!  That seems encouraging to me!  I have had friends there almost continuously so far playing with him.  When the last one leaves, that will be very  hard, because noone I know will be going over there to play anytime soon.  That breaks my heart!

I hope you all are having a wonderful Sunday.

Today, I left Finn in the nursery for two services at church while I served the school age kids.  I tried to get him to take a bottle with no luck.  In the past, when he has taken them, he will take them if they are warm (this was not) and if I am not around.  Today, he refused, even though he was starving. It could have been the temperature...but.. Any tips? If I leave this guy for 7 DAYS (slight panic at the mere words), I definitely need him confidently taking a bottle before I leave!!  I am really praying about leaving him home and going tiwth Brandon to get Eli.  He would be with my in laws, who were going to go with us, so I feel very comfortable with that....but not with the idea of leaving him and being on the other side of the world.  Maybe we should start with one night?? It's all hard...but I definitely need him to be used to a bottle of breast milk...and..has anyone pumped for a week and kept their supply?

I am SO HAPPY we took him on our first trip. NO REGRETS AT ALL. But, he will be mobile for our next trip...and I don't want to be trying to transition home to Georgia with Eli while dealing with a possibly sick (I'm talking colds, not big illness...) Finn as well.  I haven't written off the idea...but I am trying to look at options.  Plus, taking him in the car there was crazy....horrible pollution, no car seats, etc.(He threw up every time we got out of the car there)..so we ended up staying at the transition home most of the time...and I would love to get to see Eli's place of birth,etc, which we can't do if we have Finn...so...just some thinking points.

ANYWAY. Thanks for reading all the rambling. I love that so many of you have followed our journey!

Meeting Eli.

One thing that surprised me about ethiopia:

First: Photography didn't really happen. Not in the sense that I thought it would.  I thought: beautiful people, beautiful kids, tons of time....lots of opportunity for photos. NO. Two kids. Two hands. Didn't happen. We got snapshots. I am happy with them.  We spent most of our time SPENDING TIME TOGETHER!

The first moments with him are where I will begin the story.  This is right when we arrived, and his nany brough him in to see us.  You can see my face...and his face.  I have known enough toddlers to know he would take a moment to warm up.  It was perfect, even with his first reaction being a little less than thrilled :) 

Handing him over for the first time.

It looks like a smile...oh no...it's a yelp :)

He spent a couple minutes looking around, not quite sure what to think.  We tried introducing him to Finn.

Umm, guys...who are you?!?

I'm not sure if I want to hit you or pet your head, Finn...

We were all figuring each other out, in these first few moments :)

Those first few moments were what I expected.  We are strangers (who love him), coming in and taking him from his caregivers.  No toddler is going to be super pumped about that.  But what came next shocked me.  he wanted to snuggle.  He just wanted us to hold him.  Finn was hungry so went upstairs.  And Eli just snuggled this virtual stranger who was his new dad.  and then he fell asleep.  It was beautiful.  We both sat there and cried.

He was such a sweet snuggly man.

He definitely had toddler moments while we were there.  But he loved to take naps with us and snuggle.  Such a little doll.  

More on this guy to come.

It has been a month for good reason...

before diving into all the excitement that has been our lives lately, I will just tell you why I haven't been around.  I have been spending all my time trying to memorize this verse :)

because I miss him. 

I have tons more pics of him, but I haven't gotten to them at all yet. 

Introducing our third son. Elijah Yosef Whitis.  

LOTS MORE ON THIS. :)  Couldn't hold back on this photo though.

First, we went to Kentucky and saw all our family we have been missing out on seeing since we joined the army 7 years ago. Now that we are out we wanted to take advantage. We went to Lexington, where our families are, and our friends (the sweeneys) who also adopted from Ethiopia came to see us. Our friend Kevin from the Army happened to be nearby so we got to see him too. Just awesome! We went to Ashland KY to see B's mom's side of the family. I was introduced to Zumba. :) WE went to London, KY to the family farm. We saw Briar's tree and his spot. I loved it. We hiked around the hills surrounding the farm as a family of three (four with briar...). It was wonderful.
Directly following the trip to Kentucky, we flew to Dallas, TX for one of my best friend's weddings (my sweet Hayley). It was beautiful, gorgeous, just a dreamy day and weekend. We loved all of it. We enjoyed meeting all of Hayley's friends (the six chicks) who we have been dying to meet as a group for years. If I lived in Dallas, I would be best buds with all of them. She has a wonderful group of godly women in her life! Finn got two pink eyes while we were there and Brandon ended up in the ER for a bad skin infection. No problem, but it did complicate things a bit. our sweet friends (the flynns) moved to Texas and came to visit us, and it was AMAZING to see them again. Such a wonderful blessing to see and spend time with them.
We got back, pooped out from all the travel, and left five days later for Ethiopia to meet our son. No big deal. 2 hr drive to Atlanta. 2 hour flight to DC. 12 hour flight to Ethiopia. 1 hour drive to guest house. Shoooo. Finn was a trooper. The fligth home was the same, except 17 hours for the main flight.
I will post about 20 more times to explain how that went. But to sum it up, it was wonderful. Right now, I am fighting jet lag and dealing with my sweet finn who has been cheery but throwing up and pooping quite a bit. I think we've got a stomach virus, maybe even a parasite called giardia, that is very common in Ethiopia. It is supposed to naturally rid itself ...but can take a couple weeks.
Oh, and did I mention that when we arrived home we thought we might have bed bugs (a girl had them after staying at our guest house a couple months ago, and then I had some suspicious bug bites)...so we have been boiling all our clothes and washing them...then drying them twice ...before bringing them in the house.
All this to say....life is out of control :)
I have not touched any of my Ethiopia pics, although I am dying to!
My heart hurts and misses my boy. B's heart seems to be in "block it out" Army mode. So, that can make things tough. Sort of grieving in my own weird way.
Our house is on the market and someone is coming to look this afternoon....so I am trying to rid myself of pukey clothes, boiled clothes, trashbags full of things to unpack that have been quarrantined....all while cleaning (which I am not the best at, self admittedly).

In other news, our beloved University of Kentucky Wildcats brought home another national champtionship the night we returned. Which was AMAZINGLY EXCITING.

Photos and lots of details to come.
Thanks for checking in!!!

God is so good.
We are so blessed and thankful to be a part of the Lord's huge plan for eternity...for all of us.

oh.my.goodness.

what is going on in my life?
look at this child.
growing so fast.
Did I get robbed of my little tiny child? This five month old is large. skinny. but large.

I really want to talk to you about something other than him.
okay, let's talk about my other child ;)
we are going to meet him march 25th!!! IN ETHIOPIA!
I cannot wait to meet that little cutie.
Eli.
He is old enough right now (13-14 months..) where he KNOWS his name.  So we really want to keep it a part of his name.  I think we are going to keep his current name as part of his new name. Talk about identity.  I really want him to keep part of his "old" identity from the orphanage, because he is a little older.

GOSH, he is cute. I am a little partial. 

I love this guy.

This weekend, we hung out with our sweet, wonderful friends.  They adopted a little guy from Ethiopia not too long ago. They are the only people we know that have a child from Ethiopia, so we have lots of questions for them, clearly.  Since we are leaving soon...we have so much to find out.  It was great to watch her discipline her adopted child.  Her toddler. My friend lesli is a great momma. I loved watching it.

big fan of this blurry picture :)

Today, (in kentucky) we got to experience snow.   Greer (who came home about a year ago) was loving it.  Ryan (who is so much like my husband...very inapproriate, awesome, loves the Lord..etc..) is such a great dad to Greer and is a great college friend to us.  They drove down from Louisville to spend the weekend with us. Look at my little man. Very uninterested in the fun :)  Either that, or checking out this first snow of his life...

l to r: kevin, my daddio, my momma, me, brandon, jenny (mil), calvin (fil)  Love them all so much.

I will talk more about this later...but my large group of family (including Kevin, on the left who is a family member by friendship)  ran/walked a 5k this weekend in Kentucky.  Noone wanted to do it, but I reminded them that we were making memories.  Our pastor constantly says that...whenever he invites us to do fun (inconvenient,expensive or not sounding fun things) he tells us that we are MAKING MEMORIES.  So, my parents did their first one. My in laws did their second one ever. Brandon and I did it.  It was great.  More on this later. :)

Focused on one another...again..

I love this man.  

Glad he loves me during these days of limited showers, baby drool, etc.

Wow.  Our 7th Valentines Day married.

We have had many more than that dating and knowing each other.

We have been through a lot, especially the past two years.

Lost a child. Had our first living child. Gone through a long adoption.

no excuses. but facts.

Dealt with our last deployment, tried to learn what it meant to "reattach" emotionally.

This was harder than we thought...

And we are still working on it.

The Army is VERY SUCCESSFUL at training soldiers to detach from their emotions.

To get things done effectively with no emotion attached.

Especially in the infantry.

With all men.

Even more so in the group of Rangers B worked with.

This is to be expected.

But we are trying to be aware and reconnect.

Now, knowing that he will never leave again.

It makes us so happy.

It is what we have always hoped for.

But we finally can let our guard down.  I think that until now, my heart's goal was to stay disconnected so that it wouldn't be so hard when he left again.  I think he feels the same way, but  more on a day to day basis, where h doesn't attach as much each day, because he is used to this with the guys.  If they get annoyed with something he does, he doesn't care...because emotions aren't involved in the army.

In addition, whether you are married to someone in the military or not, a manly man or not...whether he is old or young, tall or short...he is a man.

and you are a woman.

which makes you different.

in many ways.

We communicate differently. We talk differently.

We relate differently.

But at the end of the day, we just need LOVE.

I remember when we went through premarital counseling with our dear friends and Brandon's discipler at the time, they had one child and were going through marriage counseling.

At the time, I thought we would never be at that place.

We went through counseling during Briar.

We're not in counseling now.

But, we are pursing each other.

We are trying to put our selfishness away, and really serve one another.

Because we can see how marriage becomes a isolated, selfish thing.

And neither of us wants that. 

We want a partership.  To LOVE one another with actions, not just words.

 "You and me against the world", is what Brandon used to always tell me.

I love it.

Valentines Day fell at a great time this year. 

We are finally back on our feet after baby.

Just in time to really re-focuson one another.

I'll be honest. i don't really care for the "holiday".

Commercialized crap. 

Everything I do not like about 'holidays'. 

But, this year, it serves to help refocus us on our marriage.

And THAT is worth any commercialized crap. :)

We needed it.

We LOVED going on a date. It reminded us that it needs to be a priority every week. 

EVERY WEEK.

So, thank you to the commercialized, over done day.

Because it helped us realize that we can have so much more for our marriage. 

A marriage that we have allowed to slip a little in the past two years. 

Don't get me wrong, we are doing fine. But I think if we aren't always on the road to pursuing each other and pursing a righteous, God focused relationship, we will FAIL miserably...

I am encouraged today :)

My in laws sent a small vday gift that allowed us to go on a date.

We got flowers and candy from my parents, which we enjoyed together before we left.  

And we left this guy with our friend Bryan's parents. His Georgia grandparents. 

SORRY GIGI and GRAMMY. TIME TO MOVE!!

And thank you, Whitmores, for offering us a night date this weekend, since our Tuesday date was a afternoon quick dinner... :)  That makes us smile!

MY SWEET SECOND VALENTINE.  My four month old boy. Nothing beats that smile.

Watch out for momma bear!

oh goodness, watch out ladies, because four month old finn is turning into a handsome little man! he has always been handsome, but now he is starting to look a little less 'baby' and a lot more 'boy'. I'm not saying I'm happy about it...but trying to embrace it, because come on, he will grow whether we like it or not!

No joke, I did not enhance his eyes.  Got them from his dad.  I ran a basic preset over the photo, but I didn't brighten his eyes up.  Crazy little guy and his bright blue, gorgeous eyes.  And the drool.  One month of drool now.  Waiting for the tooth, but not in a any hurry to have it either :)

Let me tell you about my crazy momma bear instinct that I had no idea that existed until I had children.  I didn't even know it happened, but let me tell you it does!  I am sure you all have it, in one way or another.  The way I hear parents talk about their kids, "Little Johnny is so naughty when he does this, I wish he would stop", but the minute anyone else talks about little johnny, you better watch out!  It's not okay anymore :)

I have seen this in several instances with my children, briar included, two of which I will give examples of, but neither of which were that "big of a deal".  I am sure the other person didn't recognize that the situation even happened and probably didn't even think to say anything to me about it, because it was that minor.

Okay, here we go.  First, we'll talk about Finn.  I stay at home with him.  I love being with him.  I leave him with Brandon once every couple of days to run an errand.  Other than that, he has hung out with my friend Terri (holla for a screaming child!) and my friend Karlisa's mom, the childcare workers at fitness for women (5 times), max fitness (3 times) {WHY AM I TELLING YOU, YOU DON"T CARE...SORRY! JUST MAKING A POINT..}....oh, and the grandparents...but needless to say, he has not been away from me that much.  So leaving him is a big deal.  I try not to be one of "those parents", so I have been trying to leave him with people more...but at the same time...he won't be spoiled people, he's four months old.  And if he does get spoiled, well...then we'll deal with that :)

ANYWAY, I left him at our church nursery. I trust them.  They know him.  I knew he would be fine.  I left him sleeping with his airplane engine (sounding) noise machine, and a cover over his car seat.  Sleep should have lasted an hour at least.  When I get back, about 50 minutes later, he is being held by a worker.  I ask if he was fussy and she said, "Well that white noise was pretty loud and he MUST be hungry", then she said, " He sure is a serious baby".  I felt fine until she said the last part.  I mean, I can say that he is serious.  But when you tell me he is serious (unless you're a family member, who can make those comments :), it is like saying, "Wow, that scarf is interesting" or "Your hair is different looking".  I wouldn't call them insults, but I certainly wouldn't classify them as compliments either!  So, of course, i couldn't stay quiet.  i said, "Well, he smiles all the time for me".  {really? why did I feel the need to say that? she wasn't being mean, just making an observation!  see what i mean??  momma bear is coming out!}.

Then there is example number two.  Involving Eli.  Well, since I can't show his real photo online, but I can show it in person, I am desperate to show off my child to others.  You can find me flashing it to the workers at Starbucks, my dental hygenist, etc.  So, when my 5:30am workout buddies (random acquaintances who I have been seeing at the gym for 4.5 years..>} asks about  my "new" baby, I proudly get out my phone to show a picture of Eli.  Although Finn is my "new" baby, most of the people there have already seen him.  To make sure we were talking about the same child, I said, "This is the newest baby who we are adopting".  As I held out the phone to show him (an older man, in his 60's}, he seemed confused and then uninviting.  He looked at me, almost disappointed, then said, "Oh, well where is the picture of YOUR baby?"...insinuating that Eli is not mine..?!  Also, looking at his photo, and making me feel a very distinct sense of RACIAL prejudice.  I cannot read minds, but I feel pretty certain that there was something bothering him about the way my child looked.  And that made me so mad!!!  I know that I have to prepare myself for a lifetime of weird questions about his race and his place in our family, but as far as I'm concerned, he is just as much "my" child as Finn is.  He might not have been born from me, but the Lord called us to him, and prepared his way to be in our family...so there is no difference.

Okay, just had to see if anyone else had these crazy momma instincts to protect their children when others start to talk bad about them!  Or even start to talk ANY WAY about them...or even look at them a different way.  If I'm this bad now, how will I be when he gets here?!

In other news, I am feeling very weirded out by my angel care monitor. I have a video portion of it, and it is quiet until it hears something in the room (usually him fussing).  But lately, close to midnight, it has been coming on, but all I hear is white noise.  So I click on to see him, and he is sleeping SOUNDLY.  Not moving, not rustling around, NOTHING.  Then, it goes silent again.  THen, about 30 seconds later, I hear the white noise again, but when I inspect the screen, he is STILL.  Umm, hello house from 1924, I do not believe in ghosts, but I would appreciate that whatever is happening in Finn's room...could it please stop?! It is weirding me out to have this thing come on!  Umm, thank you.

Oh, and in further news...I did launch the photography blogsite, only about a month past my projected goal..which was at the beginning of 2012. :)  If you get a chance, go say hi there :)  I will just post there with new photo shoots, and occasionally some personal shoots of Finn, etc.

{mr.finn} four months

This child is mine, so I'm a bit partial.
But really?
Does it get cuter?
I love this guy so much.
4 months old.
He is DROOLY (is that even a word?)...which is quite clear from these photos.
He loves sperry's. Well...maybe his mom does. :) But either way, he is ready to be on the boat this summer.
He is getting more hair.
He loves to dress up :)

Overall...I love spending my days with him.
I literally miss him when he takes naps.
Pathetic, i am aware.
But, I'm not missing a moment. and I feel lucky for that.  I didn't get these moments with briar. I don't get them with eli.  So i'm soaking them up with finn. every one of them.

FInances aren't the prettiest thing around here.
I quit my job, which I loved...and which paid pretty well..
Brandon is weeks away from leaving the army for a much lower paying job.
But we somehow feel content.
I'm not sure how all the bills will get paid.
Well, yes I am.
God is clear about his commands. And so we will follow him, even when it seems scary.
I am tempted to apply for jobs.
Starbucks?! I should work there just to pay for the habit...
But I feel like God has us in a season of waiting, of trusting...
So, we are doing that.

Without further suspense...our sweet boy...

I realize these are a tad blurry, but it's worth it to me for the sweet smiles :)

Gosh...

 I LOVE IT.
I love spending time with this guy.
Focusing more on ministry and on God's purpose for my life.
Poor and happy.
Yep, I think I'd rather be that than Rich (or well off) and not content.
Let's be honest that this is going to be a battle.
Satan knows my weakness...that I covet other people's houses..stuff...abilities..

I am embarrassed to share this story, because this friend reads the blog (Hi t!), but for the sake of authenticity, here we go...

It started out a normal movie/switch date night. One couple goes to a movie, babysitting the children and then in the same night, you switch children, and the other couple hits a movie. PERFECT. Well, as I sat in this beautiful, clean, organized, well decorated house...I began to play the game of comparison. Wow, she is a wonderful house keeper. Wow, her house sure is organized. I'm so impressed with her style. She has such nice things (which she later told me were mostly from garage sales...see...darn comparison...). She decorates so well. she keeps up with a scrapbook of photos. She has an organized and beautiful bookcase. She has a simple and clean baby room. And in every one of these thoughts, I heard Satan..."you're not good enough", "You're not enough", "you will never be a good mom", "you will never be a good wife", "you will never cook like her", "you will never be this organized". And after sitting down when the kids were asleep, Brandon sat down to watch a movie, and I sat down and cried. In the middle of this beautiful living room. I let the lies of Satan permeate my heart. And I hate that.

Why do I allow that to happen? Because I do not listen to God's promises for me.
I am a great mom.
Perfect? NO. Great? yes!
God has given me everything I need to be a great mom and wife.

One of the things I LOVE about our church...and our pastors..is the way they focus on living in your STRENGTHS. Don't try to live in the things you don't thrive in. I should never strive to be the most organized person in the world. It is not my strength. So I will try to remain organized enough to function well, but I don't need to be the best. In eternity someday, will God judge me on my cleanliness, cooking, or my organizations skills?!? NO! Will be judge me on the way my child serves the Lord? YES! On the way I served him? Yes! On the way I shared in my blessings with others? YES! None of that has anything to do with my house. Or my faults. So, that night was good for me. I left that house feeling encouraged. Although my house doesn't look anything like that...it is US. it is eclectic. And although not messy...it has craft supplies peeking out of cupboards sometimes..and books sitting on shelves..but it is US. So I'm okay with it for now.

But, I might like to have her over to help me re-arrange things...