Tonight, Brandon is packing up our army life. Well, the gear that completely fills our attic...the army helmet, the backpacks, the EVERYTHING. It has always been so annoying...all that "crap"...but now it just feels weird. They let us have all of the gear that brandon needed to go to war, to do training...and then they take it all back...as if he never had that life. I mean, let's be real...I'm glad it's leaving.
But it seems so final.
We will be out of the army in just a couple weeks.
Last night we hung out with friends and they were asking him about the army..about war...and it was crazy..to think that he has seen and experienced so much. It just seems normal to us. But fast roping out of helicopters...jumping out of planes, sleeping in the woods for weeks....being afraid for your life and seeing buddies die....those are just not normal things... :)
In other news...
We just recently found out (TODAY) that Ethiopia decided to close their courts for three weeks.
Really? Just close them?
Closed. For some mandatory training.
Our agency said they have never closed in February.
Lucky us :)
So the court date won't be set for at least three weeks...probably early April.
So, we will continue to wait.
And I am excited to see what will come out of the waiting.
I try not to think about our little boy directly. I have the time for Addis Ababa; Ethiopia on my phone. It is 7:45am there now. I am about to go to bed and he is just waking up. I pray for him all throughout the day, but I try not to think too hard about what he is doing. Who is talking with him or not. Because either way I'll be sad. If people are interacting with him and loving him, I am wishing it was me. If they are not, I am broken hearted he doesn't have it. Luckily, he is in the transition home right now ,or the place that the children go when they are waiting for their families. So they get better, more specialized care. This week, a friend of mine who is honest (Thanks, T!), told me I might be a little stupid for taking Finn to Ethiopia. She was scared for me. You might have felt he same way. I don't know if I have fully explained why. Nor do I need to...because I am sure many of you have your thoughts either way... but... aside from nursing (I am not ready to stop AT ALL), bonding (to be gone for a week, I could do, but I don't want to!), and being halfway around the world if anything happened to him... I want this to be a family thing. I want him to look back and know he was a part of picking up his brother. I want Finn to know that he was our first child (okay, this is getting confusing, because Briar will ALWAYS be our first child and the kids will know that...but for this instance we will say Finn is first because he is the first living in the home...) and that he and I had time alone before Eli came. It is special to tell the story. Most people adopt when their kids are older. They get to explain adoption and the picture of Christ to their kids through it. Sometimes I am bummed that we got called to adoption a little early. :) But how neat that hopefully Finn will grow up understanding it, rather than learning it later.
I have a new mentor/discipler. I didn't know her at all and I had my pastor's wife ask her if she would disciple me. I just wanted an older woman, as spoken in titus 2...to encourage me, model for me how to raise godly children in a godly home. to love my husband well. This particular woman has an amazing testimony. And after fostering newborn babies for many years, they are currently in the process (after all 8 of their kids are out of the house...) of adopting an older foster child..or children... Yes, I think that this is the person to learn from.
I wish my mom lived in town (and maybe she eventually will!)..but even then...I think you always need someone outside of your family to just pour into your life. And mel...you have been wonderful in this for me. But I need someone physically here, although aside from my mom and mother in law, you are my go-to person to call for wisdom.
Anyway...back to the children... and how that relates to the discipler...sometimes I get scared...How will I raise a toddler? What will I do? Most people just tell me how horrible and hard it will be. My mentor reminded me that if God gave us these children and provided us with the calling to have them...then he would give us EVERYTHING we needed to take care of them. Emotionally. Physically. Even financially. Shooo. She is so right. I have been able to trust him financially (surprisingly, usually I worry in this area...), knowing that he has called us to this, so he will provide. But emotionally I am struggling. I want to feel inadequate...
Because I am!
Apart for Christ I am completely in adequate to raised an orphaned baby with brown hair (how will I handle it?!?) with a (probably) rebellious toddler heart.
But in Christ, who has already overcome the world...I will ask him for strength each day.
For the courage to do what he has called me to do.
I will ask him to take the worry away.
And I will parent these children.
It won't always be pretty.
But what is?
I want to always look back and know that even when our kids didn't know and weren't aware of it, we were teaching them to love others. to love God first, other second. As Kanakuk (a camp we worked at in college) would always say, God first, others second, I'm third.
Today, I try to walk around thinking about that in my mind.
I am THIRD.
Too tired to add pictures. It would just be finn.
I'll show you more of him tomorrow.
He gets his four month shots.
He will not be happy :)