Sunday, July 18, 2010

Lessons Learned

Such a great day to worhip, to be renewed and refreshed.
To remember why I am carrying this sweet baby.
To not be envious of others.
Today's sermon was about jealousy. When we are jealous, we value something that someone else has. well, that makes me realize that I am sometimes "JEALOUS" of friends who are pregnant with healthy babies. It doesn't happen often, but I do have moments of it that are often fleeting. I think that's okay. I think if I stay there, I am in trouble.  It is natural to feel the feelings, but our pastor suggested fighting it by affirming the person that has what you want.  Well, I do that. I go to the pregnant person and tell them how happy I am.  Many times, I am truly, heart warmingly happy.  Other times, when I'm having a hard day, I am choking back tears as I tell them how happy I am.  It's a balance. The time will come for us.  Jeff also said that sometimes we are not jealous of the other PERSON, but of what God DID NOT give us. that made me realize that God and I have more talking to do about why I sometimes feel this way.  We need to talk about the promise he gives me for a "hope and a future" promises to "prosper me and not to harm me" (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let me tell you about my Sunday.
It started off well.
We were on time, not early for church. (We prefer to be early but on time is okay)
We loved the sermon, as I spoke about above.
After church I ran into my friend Kathryn who is making me an AMY BUTLER BLANKET for BRIAR...and I couldn't be more excited about it :)
Then I ran into another friend who is due with her baby BOY the same day I am due with Briar. I probably will not deliver the same time as her (most likely it will be a bit earlier) but it is super hard to think about seeing that baby boy for years to come and knowing that my guy should be the same age.  They should be pals because they were born the same day, at the same hospital, with the same midwife (yep, we have the same midwife).  Instead, Briar will go to be with the Lord and her boy will live. I can truly say that now with peace, but there will be hard days, I know, especially after he is born. I am going to pray for his grace to come over me each time I see them, and that I would be able to have a peace knowing that my boy is with the Lord growing as their boy is here.
As I stood in my big gladiator heels, I began to get tired. By the time we made it to the car, about 45 minutes after the sermon, I was exhausted. I also didn't feel good.
We went to Moe's for lunch. It was yummy, but I kept feeling funny throughout the meal. I couldn't figure out if it was emotional or physical or what.

Suddenly, like a volcano that cannot be held any longer, I just exploded. I threw up in my mouth. Really. It was horrific and unexpected. I ran to the bathroom and continued to throw up. Was I sick? Was I mourning my child? Was I sad? I have NO CLUE. But I was throwing up Mexican food and it was GROSS.  I still feel like it could happen again.

Then, after stopping at the RED BOX on the way home (and my hubby so sweetly buying me a trashy mag about Bristol Palin getting married), we return home to find this:

a pillow completely ripped apart.
In case you are wondering, we DO Learn from past mistakes, but she has slowly earned her way out of the crate. 

The culprit:

After the pukey lunch, I am going to take a little nap. Maybe watch a movie :)


  1. oh brooke, i'm sorry. i totally understand you feeling jealous sometimes. it would take a superhuman person not to. and clearly God didn't make us that way. i hope you feel better today, and that you have a good week. stephanie

  2. Brooke,I pray your nap is great. One thing I thought of when you mentioned your friends little boy due the same day as Briar is that although her son (as well as the rest of us here) will be "living on earth," Briar will be "more alive" than any of us. I know that probably doesn't help in the "now". I love you friend. Oh, and you totally cleared up the craving I had earlier for Mexican food!

  3. Brooke, you write so beautifully and genuinely that I just wish I could hug you! I am continuing to pray for you, Brandon and Briar. You are amazing.

  4. Hey girlie! I just wanted to apologize for not speaking to you at church this morning. I saw you, and fully intended on coming to say hi, but I got caught up and I'm not sure why I didn't. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you daily and that you truly are an inspiration to me and many others. Hope to see you next Sunday. Love u!

  5. and we were planning on trying Moe's, too.... lol hope you had a good nap and rest.... I know the Lord is with you!