THANKSGIVING and JOY.

Oh my goodness. I am SO THANKFUL. Where do I begin to tell you?

I feel like there are a lot of things I could be frustrated about this year. Lots of things that didn't go as I thought they would. In fact, some things that really broke my heart. I lost my baby. One of my best friends lost her marriage. My hubby and I were frustrated with each other. I have family members pregnant (which is super joyful, but bittersweet). We have no clue what our future holds.  Our rental house got trashed.  But I choose to rejoice in all of it. Because that is what the Lord allows me to see. It is not a fake attitude of joy. But real, true joy.  Life on this earth is too short to spend it sadly and with no joy.

I went to the gym yesterday morning, on Thanksgiving. And on my way home, I was just beaming. Thinking of all the blessings in my life.

I mean, just to start... I really prayed that there would be someone we could give to. But where could we find them? I wanted to help someone who needed it, but didn't know if we should just drive around with our leftovers looking for someone hungry...
and a guy showed up in our yard. And said he was trying to make money to feed his son. Brandon worked with him and talked with him for a while. He seemed very legitimate. And in my opinion, it is not up to me to judge him and his motives. I just pray that he used the money he made cleaning our yard (and raking) to help his family. We invited them for dinner but they couldn't come, he said he wanted his son to think he could provide for him.  That didn't make sense to me, but it did to the guys.  I was happy there was that opportunity I had prayed for! We had a guy that is studying in Brandon's course over for dinner. HE is from Serbia/Montenegro. It was great to talk with him.

Okay, but back to the blessings in our life.
I met my son this year. I held him. I kissed him. And I was able to feel him kick me for MONTHS. What an AMAZING blessing.  It is still tough that he's not here with me.  But to know he's at the feet of Jesus....it just changes things.
My hubby and I overcame a HUGE obstacle in our marriage. We were not loving each other well through the pain of this loss. And we are coming out of it and communicating so much better. We are pursuing each other again. It never got horrible, but boy...it was not what our marriage usually looks like. I am SO THANKFUL for an amazing hubby....and for getting back to the roots of our marriage.

Another blessing: we began our Ethiopian adoption.  We paid and put in the paperwork for our homestudy. We started gathering paperwork. And my mind is all over the place!! We had our adoption yard sale in July, and we began the paperwork in Haiti in January (before I even got pregnant), so that has been a long time on our hearts. Not to mention that when we got married we talked about adopting.  Not that I thought it would look like this!!

Blessing#4..or was it 3? .my amazing friends and family.  This year I have really felt true love and friendship.  I have understood what it means to walk alongside someone through pain.  I have learned how true friends sacrifice and do what they must do to make sure your heart is okay.  I have made some amazing friends who are walking through the same journey as I am.  Who knew there was such a 'club' of baby loss mommas?? I was talking to a sweet new friend after church the other day who recently lost her baby (I hate that people have to join this club!) and some other friends came up to us. You could tell that they weren't quite sure what to do with us :)  Uhh, hi...how are you?? (sad eyes)....it is nice to look at someone and laugh and know that we are 'normal' in our little world. haha!!

Blessing#5...the dogs.  Really? Dogs? Yes. The dogs. I love those babies so much.  I get so so so mad at them. But I just love them. THey do not obey very well. They do not listen. They give lots of kisses and are always there when I need them.  I truly think they are preparing me for some of the emotions that come with children. Are they different?? 100000%.  Will I probably neglect them once I have kids? Maybe. (I'm just being honest!) But for now, they are such amazing parts of our family.

I am so thankful for the things in my life.
But I have learned a valuable lesson this year.  No matter what the circumstances, it is so important to rejoice.  I just received a Christmas card today. The first one of the season.  It was from my friend Courtney who recently lost her sweet baby Ella.  It talks about REJOICING and BEING JOYFUL.  THe picture on the card is of her and her children and hubby around her hospital bed with baby Ella.  I think we are called to know that we must take every moment and put it in perspective.

Phillipians...it really puts things in perspective. Read the first couple chapters.  I feel like I should print out all of Phillipians and carry it around to read when I feel like I'm in the pits or in a bad place. DO I really feel like I could lose all things and still praise God? That I could pursue him in the deepest pit? SOmetimes I complain because I am not perfectly comfortable.  Oh, goodness....such a long way to go....we all have :)
Here, just a couple verses I pulled out, but trying to still keep it in context.
"Finally, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord.  7 Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. 8 More than that, I regard everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and I regard them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but one that comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God based on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, 11 if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 12 Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus."
Phillipians 3: 1,7-14

Some sweet ideas..

 I am really excited because I just ordered these from the pleated poppy:

I just sent an email to find out more about the women's version of these skirts.

Because I will wear them.  They are adorable. Heather Bailey and Amy Butler fabric. You can't help but have joy when you see these. :)

A sweet high school friend of mine, who I have reconnected with through the blog world, passed on these sweet words to me that she found on another blog.  The girl who wrote this is amazing, she is the worship leader at my old church in Lexington, KY.  I never knew her, although she went to my high school.  I was so encouraged by this yesterday.  Joy is available to all of us.  Joy is what the Lord intended for us, but it does not come from us.  That is the whole point :) Joy is made available to us through Christ. I wanted to link to it, but I didn't save it as a bookmark like I thought I did :)

Joy is undeniable and cannot be fabricated. Joy is not a smile or a laugh, joy is different. Joy comes from inside - and you just can't force joy to come out of you.

Joy can preach, too. You can have joy even when you're really sad. Joy is not happy. Repeat after me, joy is not happy. Joy is settled, sure, steady, peaceful and strong. Joy is resilient, not fleeting. It's more than a mood, it's a state of being. How else could the Bible say to consider it "pure joy when you face trials of many kinds"? (see James 1:2). James sounds nuts! But, he knows joy is not being thrilled you're facing trial. Joy looks further down the road than the present trial. Joy says, "Somehow, someway, God is going to use this for my good." Joy says, "This is building character into me in a way it could not have been developed otherwise." Joy says, "God's got this and because of that, I'm okay even though I don't feel okay." Joy is awesome, joy is available to you and joy reeks of hope.

The more freedom we experience in Christ, the more joy we have because we stop worrying about the Christians we should be, or shouldn't be and we start simply enjoying God. We start letting the truth about who He is and who He says we are really become the only truth that matters to us. We find that the joy of the Lord really is our strength (see Nehemiah 8:10). Right now, I'm praying that if you feel miserable, you will be reminded of the freedom available to you in Christ. People often think God is a rule maker and the punish-er of rule breakers. What a cheap shot at God to think that! He's a Dad and He's not stupid. He knows we need boundaries and ways to live so that we don't get kicked in the pants by a very real enemy.


I love this.  FREEDOM is what I seek when I am in the midst of pain.  Freedom  not FROM PAIN but IN THE LORD.  Lord, today I pray for FREEDOM to feel JOY.

A lesson on Grief

 my bible and journal and fun pen

Don't be scared of this post. Please ;)
Lately,  I have been finding joy in things such as this:
Journaling
Exciting Soccer Games in the World Cup
Good, fun workouts (often while I watch these games)
Long walks with my hubby
Reading books outside in the heat
Feeling Briar move around
Homemade fruit smoothies
Sweet snuggles from Bella (the  lab)
Long, unrushed quiet times in the mornings
Fresh fruit in the morning
Connecting with old friends on recent trips
Cleaning my shower...something feels good about getting it squeaky clean and smelling beautiful :)
Peanut M&M's
**Caveat**Here it comes. I am having a good day, but I'm choosing to write on something more sober. It's just the way it goes. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to feel sad, or I need to put on a happy face for others. But I am all about being AUTHENTIC and REAL.  I am not going to be debbie downer, but I also want to show others that I can walk through this with the Lord, even in the midst of pain. I don't always want to run from pain, which is my first idea and first reaction. I don't always want to walk away from it.  I have a really neat devotional about walking through grief that I have been reading each day.  It really talks about how you will often feel alone, isolated, down, etc.  It doesn't mean I am depressed, I am simply walking through the stages of grief.  The place I am in is an odd one. Meeting with a friend this week, she described it best. It's almost as if I'm in a dance of grief and joy.  One cannot be present without the other.  In the most joyous parts of this pregnancy (feeling my man kick or move, seeing him on ultrasound), it is still bittersweet in the loss.  It doesn't mean that I am not happy or that when I"m happy, I'm not in the pain, it is just the journey I'm walking.

Last night we watched our ultrasound on DVD.  It started out okay. It ended with us both in tears.  Knowing the reality that our  little guy is so content in his little place in my belly.  That he will not be okay when he comes out. It makes me want to stay pregnant forever....to keep him in a place where I can experience the joy of knowing him. Seeing that sweet little 4-D face with his hand above his head...that will bring you to your knees. :)

This actually isn't a lesson for you going through grief. It's a lesson for you to deal with others who are dealing with grief.

 I say these things not to condemn you if you have said them, or to make you feel silly. But honestly, I had no idea before I walked through it and I KNOW I have said some of these things.  I know everyone walks through the process differently, so I know I am not the one and only master of knowledge in this area.

Some things not to say:

**God has a plan for this baby (this death, etc).  "God works for the good of those who love him" "God has a reason and purpose for this."
We know this. Believe me, i am holding on to that truth above all else..that God's true and perfect plan is so much bigger than the moment of grief I am in.   But it doesn't help to hear it. My grief book actually says that when you tell a grieving person this, it doesn't allow them to feel the feelings they need to.....in order to get to the place where they can feel and understand God's bigger plan.  Try not to say these things. God will use circumstances and people, as well as his word and truth to get the person to a place where they can understand this, but it can't be said as a platitude.

**You look better today (this week, this month, etc)

By saying this, you infer that I was a total basketcase last time I saw you.  And I am not better. I am simply having a good day. Allow me to be there...try not to act like I'm a weirdo if I am sad one day and normal the next.  In the grief devotional I have, it talks about how all loss effects you greatly, but the loss of a child is the ultimate loss. They call it a 'shadow loss' because it will always pop up for the rest of your life. That scares me...but it is reality.

** You are depressed.  (**unless you truly have seen signs of this for a while and the loss happened a while ago**)

I am going through grief (oh, and I'm still pregnant too....hello TIREDNESS and HORMONES :). There is a difference.  It is a tough journey.  Some days look different than others.  Someday, I could deal with depression and I will reach out to the tools I need to get through it then if it happens. But right now, I am dealing with pain. with loss. with the ache of never taking my son to baseball practice.  to prom. to his wedding. That is okay.  People going through grief need a season to feel that pain.  Do I want to? NO WAY!!!! But should I? Absolutely.  I didn't ask for this lot. But the Lord knows that this is something I can handle, and he has allowed it to come.  Brandon and I are walking this journey hand in hand with the Lord.
**(Insert your opinion about the situation here) 
When you share your opinion about a death, a circumstance, etc...it makes the person who is going through the pain feel as though you will judge them if you do not deal with the circumstance as they did.  Just a thought. :)

A couple things TO DO:

**Don't ignore the loss. It's like a huge white elephant in the room. Acknowledge it with a "I've been thinking about (Briar) today" or "I've been praying for you" or "I'm thinking of your family a lot"....."I'm sorry", etc.  You don't need to say too much....but acknowledging the life and loss (for me) is such a blessing. It really bums me out when people ignore it completely because if this were a healthy baby, you would talk about it...although in all loss it's a balance....definitely don't dwell there and ask a million questions unless you are a good friend who should be doing that.

**Listen. If someone grieving wants to talk, they will often do so when they know they have a sweet and willing listener. I often feel I need to validate feelings and talk a lot when I am listening, but it is often important just to have a listener who cares.

**Be there. Check in on the person who is grieving. It is a very lonely feeling and you often feel forgotten about, as if everyone else has gone on with life and doesn't want to deal with your sadness anymore. Even if this is true, check in with your friend who is grieving. Say hi.  Ask them to coffee. It is important.  

**Do something to honor the loss.  My friends are throwing me a 'love shower' instead of a baby shower.  That is so special to me.  Think of a way you could buy a necklace with the name of the person lost or make them a quilt, etc.  Do something to let them know their loss is not forgotten.
(EDITED TO ADD)**Pray for the person

I can't believe I forgot this the first time. This is the most important. Rather than try to insert your wisdom into the situation, simply pray that the person would seek wise counsel, would hear from the Lord. Pray for their comfort, their peace.  Pray that the Lord would walk them through this.  That is what I pray for :)

Bakerella does it again...

I'm feeling Joyful.  How could you not be when you look at these?

As featured on Martha Stewart. Could they be any cuter?

I haven't tried to make any yet, but I feel certain  mine will be a disaster.

I have made cake pops before. They are not as easy as they look.

But I will try these until I get them right. Because they are so sweet :)

These are the No Sew Curtains (mine)...which I still have lots of leftover fabric from..

Below is an adorable dress (not mine)...(which I found under Ashley Ann's lovelies)

Looks a little ambitious for me.

I wonder if I could hire someone to do the hard parts? :)

Speaking of cute....Look at this easy, adorable necklace...

Laura started her blog around the same time as I did and we found each other. I keep up with her often because she is adorable and always posts the cutest things.  She has almost double my followers...no wonder :)  She loves Jesus, her hubby, and crafts...like I do...so you've got to love her.

Speaking of her, I feel super lucky that my blog friend Laura decided to give me a blog award.  

Here are the rules for the award:

Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.

I don't know that I am incredibly interesting, but how about I just tell you some facts...

1.  I am an only child.  I want four children or more.
2. I met my husband in my homeroom classroom, the first day of high school.  He wore a dirtbike jersey. I ignored him and said "NO" when he asked me to homecoming.
3. . I was proposed to in my (High School) homeroom classroom, by him, near the last day of college.
4.  I've had three knee surgeries on the same knee, which is why I choose to workout every day. I"m thankful.
5.  I am a crazy University of Kentucky Basketball fan. I will stop people on the streets if they are wearing Kentucky stuff. It must be something about moving away and wanting a connection to home. :)
6.  I was in a Montgomery Gentry video called "My Town".  If you watch close, I flash right across the screen. They shot it in my hometown...because it is THEIR TOWN TOO! :)
7.  I was married on my husband's birthday, which happens to also be two days before Christmas...poor guy, he claims he doesn't mind because he won't ever forget his anniversary.
I nominate:

Meg-Whatever

Ashley Ann- Under the Sycamore

Rachel- No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane

Sarah- The Nashvegas Clores 

Megan- Life as we Know it

Joy- The Joyeful Journey

Jenna- The Indecisive Organizer

Most of these women have so many people visit their blogs...I'm embarrassed to even link to them.  I visit their blogs ALL THE TIME, and they probably are thinking "Who is this person?". But...I don't care...because they deserve awards too....

Enjoying a weekend in historic, beautiful, charming Savannah, GA....catch up with you later!