Tuesday, May 22, 2012

You like chocolate? I like chocolate...

My friend Kelsey has recently been convicted to live in gratitude. 
For example, she got a speeding ticket and chose to be thankful for what she did have...a car, an ability to drive, safe children, etc. 

I struggle with this.  

It is hard to be thankful when things are going "wrong".  But aren't things always going wrong? it is just a matter of opinion, I think!  So, I am going to choose to see things positively when I want to be frustrated.  For example, I will choose to be thankful that Eli is healthy in Africa with loving caregivers and all the food, shelter and water he needs. I am thankful that his bed is right next to another bed, so he is getting interaction with another child.  I am thankful that he should be good at "self soothing" since he has had to do that so much.  I am thankful that he is OURS, whether we can be there with him or not.

How's that for gratitude? It took me a while to think of things to be thankful for.  What I want to say is, "HOW CAN I BE THANKFUL TO NOT HAVE MY SON?".  But I am choosing gratitude today.
It has been eight weeks since we passed court.
Many people have passed in 5-6 weeks.  Many people have taken longer than 13 weeks.  It is weird....trying to plan the summer and fall.
I find myself telling people "Maybe...we'll have to see".
For someone who already has a tough time committing to things, this makes me even worse. 

Have I posted this yet? This was 6 months...poor little finn. Turned 6 months the day we flew home from Ethiopia.  We were both sickly and tired...even one week later on Easter.  This picture was taken on Easter...and I just remember we were sitting in a corner outside of the service trying to make it :)  But for feeling yucky, he looks pretty sweet, although you can see his tired eyes.  We tried solids the day after we got back, then took a week hiatus when we weren't feeling well.  Ever since, we've been going strong on that front.  He is so much fun.  He is now 7 months. I promise I'm catching up here. 

In other news, I am struggling with home stuff.  I really want to focus my heart on things "not of this world"....like my faith, my children....the ENORMOUS pile of laundry that spills out of the closet...  I don't want to be consumed with my "stuff" or my house...and to go along with the season of gratitude, I have a beautiful house. 2 bathrooms. That is huge in many places. One bathroom is a luxury in many countries.  Hot water is a luxury.  CLEAN water is a luxury in many places. I have a beautiful house. Plenty of room.  Yet I want more. Where is the balance...in finding a home that has more room for my kiddos...but not feeling like I am consumed with "stuff".  The boys and Brandon and I will be fine here for another couple years, but if we try to add another child in this house...forget it :)  It will be squished.  There I go again.  Because Brandon's dad grew up in a small home with an outdoor bathroom.  He and his brother shared a tiny room and his sisters shared a room across the hall. it was "squished" much more that I can imagine. And they made it JUST FINE.  
It's all perspective, friends.
So, if the Lord allows us to sell our home, I will take it to mean we are free to move on. To buy something different. And if not...well...we will be squished for a while.  (NO BABY ANNOUNCEMENT HERE...), we just might get squished in a couple years...

To make you smile, Brandon visited a school in Adama, the town our little man was found in, when we went to meet Yosef.  They sang a song in english for him....can you hear it? You like Choc-o-lot, I like choc-o-lot... :)
I stayed home with Finn and Eli.  I will hopefully get to visit the school on this trip!

No news from the Embassy today. I did email them. 
I bet they're getting sick of me.
If I could take them cookies, I would.
But then, that might look like bribery, so maybe I wouldn't.
Happy tuesday, my friends.


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