Thursday, May 17, 2012

Consumed with the creator

Today I didn't wake up for 5:30am spin class.
I was bummed.
I love a good workout, and it really energizes my day.
I sent my friend a message to tell her I was sorry I missed her. She could tell something was up, more than just the missed class.
My tone must have given it away.
She texted me, "How are you doing today?"
That was all it took.
I burst into tears. 

I deal with this separation from Eli like a deployment where I just buckle down and deal with it. But some days, it is just HARD. AND SAD. And lonely.  
i texted her back, "I miss eli".  
I wish it were easy.
My little Eli is not here.
we left him with some nannies in a country far away...and we are trusting that he is happy...
and people are loving on him.
I am forever indebted to friends going over and playing with him.
But it is not me.
I am not the one kissing him.
Or hugging him, or tucking him in at night.

My heart aches to get back there.
Today I got an email saying they got the police man's phone number yesterday and they are working on our case. I am happy they are communicating with me. But I am so eager for things to keep moving.  It has been one week and one day since we were submitted to embassy. I am praying it will be any day....knowing it could be longer. 

This is a photo when we left him.
Can't look at it long or I will break down.

In other news, we have our house on the market.
We are considering moving to a bigger house, but the same price as the house we live in. It is newer (READ: LESS CHARMING) but definitely has more room. I find myself becoming prideful about dumb stuff.  The neighborhood isn't nice enough as you drive into our neighborhood.  The house isn't quite nice enough. And on and on it goes.

My prayer is this: 

I hope and pray I can be consumed with the one who created me and all the things in this world.
And if we get a new house, I would simply be thankful for room to spread out.
Not complaining about some of the material things that only someone focused on the wrong things would focus on.
Thanks for hearing me...and not judging me. :)
The Lord is really working on my "ME" spirit lately.
Constantly remding me that this life is not ABOUT ME.
Hard lesson.
I think it won't come easy.
Probably the Lord will continue impressing it on my heart the rest of my life.

gray ric rac copy


  1. Just wanted to say hi. I love your blog. :) I tried again to do one several months ago. I remember I wrote something about loving thank you notes and then when I went back to re-read it, I felt like a thank you note snob. Ha! Meant it to sound like I love finding new note cards...oopsies! Anyway, I always think your blog sounds great. Sorry you're missing Eli. I hope, pray, it is soon. xoxo

  2. Sweet sister. I am wishing I could hug you right now! And Eli! This is such an unspeakably hard time for your family. I wish there were words to encourage you or make you feel better, but I'm pretty sure the only thing anyone can say that will help is "Come get your baby." Until then, may the love of the Creator -- Eli's Father, and yours and mine -- surround and overwhelm you.
    And let's play soon again. Monday was wonderful.

  3. Hang in there sister! I'm praying for speed on your case. It really is awesome they are communicating with you so well, that's a good sign :)
    Praying for sweet Eli and can't wait to see him again!!!

  4. Love and prayers and hugs! :)
    Maybe one day I won't be so ASHAMED of my house, and I can invite you over.

  5. Your honesty always speaks to me...even though we are a country apart! I miss you and your family and I am praying that you get to bring Eli back to his home soon. You are doing such a great job, Brooke! Love you friend!