Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Mothers Day; tough cookies...


Mothers Day has not always been a happy day for me.  Last year, I was pregnant with my sweet Finn man and waiting on Eli's referral and missing Briar...who I had lost about 7 months before.  It was a tough day.


The year before, I was pregnant with Briar, and I knew I was going to lose him.  

The year before, Brandon was deployed...and I wasn't a mom (although at the time, i was okay with that), it was lonely.
This picture was last week on our date night...but illustrates Brandon and I on our own :)

I have countless friends who have endured miscarriages, baby loss, and infertility.  I have a friend who endured a procedure to have a baby the morning of mothers day, before church.  I have friends who have broken relationships with their moms.. I have a friend living with a child slowly losing his battle with a fatal disease that is taking him from her.  

I know the loss that comes along with being a mother.  I have walked it.

But at the same time, being a mom is the BEST GIFT I have EVER been given. I love Finn. I LOVE ELI.  I love Briar.  I love my children. My heart is in a more whole place this year.  But so many people had a tough time.  One of my best friends just miscarried, and she lives far from me. I prayed for her all day...just knowing that her heart hurt today. Because she is a mom, but doesn't get to hold her baby.  On this earth, I don't think we will ever see the reason for our pain, but we just pray that we can be thankful for the moments that we walk though...good and bad.  That we can give glory to God through all of it...and be most thankful for the GREAT times.

Right now, as we wait for Eli...I am just trying to love on mr.finn and enjoy our days.



I love the top left in this last one the most.  My fave. :)  
Both of these guys make me smile.  

I have found that when I talk to people lately, I say, "My kids" as if Eli was already home. " I just took care of my kids all day".  Yes, Finn is the only one here...but I find myself speaking about Eli as though he were here.  Brandon says he does the same thing. :)  I love that he is already such a part of us.  

Today, I finally got Finn out of the house.
We got to Target.
I hear a loud "WHOOOOSH" coming out of my tire.
I see a nail.
So immediately I drive to the tire place.
Goodbye, Target.
I end up there 3 hours, getting 3 nails patched.
No problem.
It was tough keeping Finn entertained...and he certainly didn't nap.
I just kept wondering what I would do if Eli were there too. How would I have controlled them both by myself?  I have no clue.
Life is about to get crazy.
Happy Mothers day to me.
name
gray ric rac copy

4 comments:

  1. Oh, lady. If I can survive Wal-Mart with three, you can do life with two. God.equips. Even if "equipping" means he populates the public with lonely grandmas eager to love on cranky strangers. So eager for Eli to be HERE! (And now I'm stalking YOUR blog!)

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    1. hahahah, thank you. I need the encouragement. So happy to hear that I will be just fine!!

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  2. true story, I was at the grocery store with all 5, a fight broke out between 3, and I actually had to walk out and leave a buggy full of groceries....I just had to grab everyone and escort them to the car, leave, dicipline the culprits and go back later that day, for round 2 at the grocery store.....such is the life we lead as moms! You are gonna be just fine, God gives you these great coping mechanisms that kick in when the chaos breaks out!!Love!

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    1. You do what you have to do.......thanks for the encouragement. Even if my sweet baby breaks out with his ethiopian scream/cry of AY, AY AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! :)

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