I feel like I have so much to say that I just choose to say nothing at all.
Between all my emotions...
I am just a bumbling mess.
And I hate to capture that in writing :)
Half the time I am so, so excited about what is coming.
The rest of the time I am terrified.
Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to leave me alone. If I were just gaining weight because I was fat, I sure hope you wouldn't walk up and tell me so.
So why can people say it when I am pregnant.
Usually, friends are awesome. It is the strangers and acquaintances that really drive things home.
Anyway, life happens that way.
I am positive that I am a little extra crabby with not sleeping at night. Probably 10 times last night I got on my hands and knees in bed and did some yoga stretching and then tried to fall back asleep. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my pregnancy pillow I almost go crashing to the floor when I try to roll out of bed to go potty.
I look a little creepy.
It is 5am.
Before the baby shower that my gym friends threw me at 6am...
When you work out at 5:30am every day for 3 years...you develop some friendships...
Most of the ladies are my mom's age...
But I love them..
And they have shared life with me. Walked through some really tough times.
So I was completely blown away when they wanted to skip our Friday workout and celebrate Baby Finn.
So darn sweet.
Taken with the little point and shoot...
all 36 weeks of me.
Praise God for a GROWING and HEALTHY child.
That is making me Large and in CHARGE.
I feel good about it.
Because it means he is growing!
Life is weird right now, not working. I am doing a lot of photo editing, photo boook making, etc. I am also working (volunteering) in a couple ways at my church.
My hubby runs the growth groups at our church, so since he is working full time, I want to help.
We are working hard to get growth groups at our church up and running for the fall semester. I might be out of commission a bit when they first start, so I want to prepare. It is funny, because there is always some excuse for me not to lead. Oh, I'm working. Brandon is deployed. I'm so tired. I'm overwhelmed, etc. As I talk to other friends and hear the same thoughts, I realize that there will ALWAYS be SOMETHING or SOME REASON not to lead. Just yesterday morning, I felt pushed to lead a walking group. Come to find out, two other people had similar ideas. I might do something else, but I definitely think I am going to lead. With a great co-leader...so if I have a fussy baby, I can take a day off...
But God blesses our sacrifice to step out and lead. Not saying it is wrong to take time off from leading..everyone is in a different season in life...my friend R needed some time off...and she has lead for a while...and I think in this season she should take time off. But I guess what I'm saying is...when I think about relaxing...and then I think about the book "Radical" or "Crazy Love" and about how we are called to love God with REcKLESS ABANDON and serve him....whatever that looks like.
For our family, that means sometimes serving until it is uncomfortable...because when I get to the end of my life, I don't want to just say, "Hey God, I lived a really comfortable life and I served you as much as I felt like I could"...I want to be able to say, "God, I did more than I was capable of, because I know that YOU are capable of SO MUCH MORE than I could EVER ask or IMAGINE!".... I do think that in different seasons it will look different...because we are also called to minister within our families, to our children. But for now, I feel like that is where I am.
Just a thought that I have been having lately.
Last semester I did not want to lead anything.
And then we did and it was so fulfilling.
And incredible. And challenging to my faith. And we saw people in our group come to know the Lord, and grow in their walks...and it was just an amazing encouragement.
And to think that I didn't even want to lead...
Last night we had a party to encourage leaders and it was just amazing to see all the awesome volunteers we have at our church. Living out the gospel and choosing to give of their time and energy ....to serve...it is so neat!
I guess sometimes I get in a funk. And I forget how amazing God is.
I can't wait to see his blessings through this baby that is coming into our family....but also through our adopted son Eli...and the people that he will place in our path in ministry this year.
I can never say, "I have enough friends"....because the Lord doesn't tell me to find friends, buckle down, and chill out. He tells me to step out of my comfort zone and disciple his people. To pour into others. I want to keep my core group of friends close. But I always want to step out and disciple others....and pour my life into theirs...even in my life is messy and imperfect.
Wow...that was all over the place.
Don't come talk to a crazy pregnant lady, if you want nice and organized....