The past several days have been tough. I have no idea why, but I feel like I am just coming to a weird realization... just remembering and reflecting on the loss of Briar. I am really missing him and going through some natural emotions, but just reminding myself of the joy that is to come, and reminding myself of the JOY that he is experiencing in heaven. He was so beautiful, by far the most incredible gift we've ever been given. Getting to a large part (ie. I am large) of my pregnancy makes me realize that I am in a similar spot to when I had Briar. So now we are entering new territory. I am in my 30th week right now We went into the hospital at 31.5 weeks and had him at 32 weeks. So...we are close. And it is scary. I had a dream last night that I was bleeding, and I was so relieved to know that it was only a dream.
Overall, I will continue to REJOICE that our boy is in heaven. I will also continue to feel the emotions I have, to give Briar all the attention he deserves. But this sweet boy in my belly...I will rejoice for his health and continue to have huge hope for his future!
Last night, we had a celebration for Samuel....a WELCOME to the WORLD party, if you will :) I took zero pictures (whoops...) but it was a lot of fun. I can tell samuel has gotten a lot bigger, but he is still most likely below 7lbs. To hold him and realize that I have a 2lb baby in there now...and that I will birth a baby this big....wow...I was in awe all night!! It is just crazy to think about! It is a true miracle...that God has created in us the ability to create humans....just unbelievable...
Anyway, enough rambling. Happy Saturday to you!!
It is so hard getting into the "uncharted territory". It was incredibly hard for me, too. I just kept thinking about all that Harper and I missed out on together but at the same time I am so happy that her little sister is growing and thriving...it is all so bittersweet!
ReplyDeleteSo glad that you had a nice party for Samuel! It is crazy to think about the size of our sweet babies right now compared to how big they will be at birth. Truly a miracle!
Sorry I missed the party - heard it was a fun time!
ReplyDeleteI agree about being in awe at what a miracle pregnancy and child birth all is - for me I understood that on a whole new level when I was pregnant. Just the greatest gift - to carry a child and give him/her life. truly a miracle. Looking forward to your little miracle in a short time here :)