Three weeks later.
It's a hard day today for some reason.
I sometimes have a hard time, wishing I were still pregnant. Wishing that were what we were going through, rather than the loss.
Brandon reminds me that he lived exactly the days that were planned for him in my belly.
These emotions come on like a monsoon sometimes, sweeping in and then leaving as quickly as they came. Today, it was more like a string of hurricanes, that just continue to hit, growing in intensity as they did.
Did I mention we're trying to take a relaxing vacation? I suppose that is when some of this surfaces.
Could use prayer.
I just miss him.
I know that we will move forward.
And things will continue to get easier.
But it does feel empty. In my arms. In my heart.
Choosing to trust Jesus through the pain.
But oh man, it hurts.
More than natural childbirth :)
B- sorry you are struggling, praying it will get more manageable for you - try to enjoy BAW and your vacation...maybe if you put it into a different perspective...like how your parents felt when you "left the nest"...yea, they were happy you were "spreading your wings" but they ached for the time you were little or younger and their life focused on YOU and your activities....that's what you and BAW are doing, you gave Briar quietly and peacefully into the arms of God and He is watching him for you all until you are with him again and your heart hurts to hold him and love him, but God's plan is the one we are ordered to follow and knowing that Briar is with God and you and Brandon still have each other and your friends and family will help to make each day easier...and, you are "Spaghetti" and BAW is a "Waffle" ;) (But sometimes crying helps, too!)
ReplyDeleteStay safe - love each other - and enjoy your time together!
Love you both!
Linda
Love you.... there really aren"t words for this other than to dig into The Word. Enjoy this time God has planned for you....
ReplyDeletePraying for you today!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Yes Yes Yes to all the things we know and trust are true about our good and soverign God! But ya know... sometimes it just sucks! It really does. I believe He is ok with us telling him when we feel that way too. He knows this life is so far from what he originally desinged and I beleive he weeps, literally weeps with us. He has the finaly say and will have the victory, that is the absolute truth BUT today it hurts and totally stinks! So I cry with you and our Lord as we feel the pain of what sin caused in this world...death. I will rejoice with you as he steps in with his grace and mercy and grants a peace and JOY for another day that surpasses all understanding in the present circumstances. One more thing...Briar is fearfully and wonderfully made and is serving the Lord even now in his own special purpose...so are you... and you are equippped with everything neccesary for this journey. You are God's precious, precious daughter. He delights in you.
ReplyDeleteBlessings.