Friday, September 24, 2010

Where to begin?

Lots has gone on this week, and I'm sure you don't want a play by play..

But I'll tell you a little about it.

Monday we went to Jess' house and saw the pictures of Briar. Brandon thought we were just going over to hang out and edit pictures. He didn't realize that we were going to look at all the pictures of Briar. And of course it was a slideshow with really neat music, and as it started, Brandon was literally delivering the it was a bit emotional. I knew it would be emotional for me, because I love photography and the way it can capture a moment. It was awesome to see the pictures.  I wanted to curl up with them and transport back to that moment.  The only hard part about seeing them is the knowledge that we can never have that moment in time back.  I would not have done anything different, but just knowing that it is over...that my time with my son on earth is over, well (as an understatement) it's just kind of a bummer.  Then, Jess gave me a gift (for no reason, those are the best gifts...)...a perfect fall wreath to go on my door.  Just something that really makes me smile.  She got it from a friend of hers with an etsy shop. I wish I knew where it was, because I would certainly tell you about it!

Then I went and helped Jess with a photoshoot of my friend Margaret's (did I spell your name right?) daughter. Sometimes doing something a little creative is good for me.  I am definitely not ready to be back with my kids all day, but doing some fun things are good for my soul :)  I rested most of the day so I would be ready to do something active for a couple hours. Hayley is beautiful, and it was fun to be a part of that. I took a couple pictures, but I haven't even tried to edit them yet.  Also, I know that if you see them on Jess' blog then you will know how stinky a photographer I I'm a little timid to even show you what I took!

Wednesday I took up my friend Karlissa's birthday present offer. Her offer was to take me to Atlanta to go to Anthropologie on any Wednesday of my choosing.  (she has Wednesdays off)  She also gave me a giftcard there. I also had one from the love shower from my friend Megan. So we went. It was a big day for me, probably the biggest outing that I've had yet since B was born....but it was so fun to spend some good time with a sweet friend. She was a great listener and wanted to hear all about Briar's birth. I didn't realize it, but I hadn't really been able to verbally tell the story yet. Everyone else was there for it...and I hadn't said any of it out loud. It was so fun to tell someone about the way he came, what he was like, etc. He was so perfect.

I got these pillows from the boys I babysat/nannied for/ college.  The whole family is just a family who I love dearly.  I could go on about them for days...but these pillows will always be a part of our house. I'm happy that I can have the title of Briar's mom forever.  At first I thought I would want them in the trunk that I have all of Briar's stuff in, but then I thought that it is worth it to have a couple things left out.  His trunk is full of neat things, all the cards you have sent, all the fun things that Briar had, his foot prints....I have already gone through it once. I'm sure I'll go through it often. I love looking through everything that is him!
One of my FAVORITE things, as I mentioned, is my plaster mold of his feet. We weren't able to get plaster of his hands because they didn't want to cooperate, but we did get this little mold of his darn sweet!

Today I am just on a date with my hubby all day.  Starbucks, shopping, then home to rest.  Good time with him.  I really appreciate that.

I am humbled that some of you have given my blog to other moms who have been diagnosed with the same thing (anencephaly) or even another fatal birth defect.  I am not fancy enough to know how to post my email for others on the right side, but if you would like to email me or you want to pass on my email to anyone,    I feel like I'm in a good place, as the Lord has really walked this journey with me (for me), and it's been a long journey....and I'm happy to talk with others who are trying to figure it out.

Still walking the journey, feeling good....
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all"
2 Corinthians 4:17

1 comment:

  1. This is the first I have read about your journey, sweet Brooke, and I've stayed and read and wept over all your posts. My heart goes out to you and I want you to know that I will be praying for you as you walk one day at a time with Jesus. You have such a positive, trusting heart that is so precious and I know that God is going to carry you through this. He holds your Briar in His arms much like I imagine he holds my Titus. How he loves your son! And how he loves you!