His power is made perfect...

Sometimes I am completely dumbfounded when I read this verse.
The verse about his power being made PERFECT in our WEAKNESS.


But walking through this journey makes me BELIEVE it.
Today I was talking to a mom in my class. A special mom.  She is the mom to a girl with spina bifida, who is in my class.  She is a sweetheart girl named Jenna. I just love her.  She is awesome and sweet and kind.  Spina Bifida is the other neural tube defect.  The non fatal one.  Well anyway, I was telling the mom about Briar, because she had asked several times about the baby.  It is always a little awkward to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad. She just kept saying over and over how sorry she was.  Then she said something shocking. "I don't think I could do it'.  I wanted to say it back to her.  I mean really.  She is living a life taking care of a sweetheart girl who relies on mom for everything, FOREVER...with a husband in a special operations unit in the Army.  I am carrying a baby for nine months and then he will be only a memory.  Both are hard. Unspeakably so.


My pastor loves to say that when he started the church, he LEANED on that verse. He knew he was weak.
Right now, I LEAN on that verse.
I am weak.
But where I am weak, he is strong.

 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I am proud to be weak. I will just be a weak, measly little gal, carrying her son.
Seriously. I feel weak in every sense right now.  Physically, I get out of breath so easily. I can't workout very much anymore, other than walking and doing the stationary bike.  AG will actually walk with me now. He used to say I went way too fast, now he doesn't complain. I suppose I have slowed down a lot :)
Emotionally, I am weak.  I pick fights with AG for no reason.  Luckily he is super nice to me about it. But I am weak. Today, I got mad at him because he said "I forgive you" to something I apologized for.  I told him, "When you say that, it makes me feel like it was something I needed to be forgiven for".  He was so confused. I think he had one of those moments like, "What do I do with this woman? I'm trying so hard to understand how her mind works".  Then I told him, "I don't even WANT to be forgiven"...and then as we were taking the walk I gave him silent treatment.  I am just wanting you to understand this weakness....in the flesh....no joke....total weakness.

I am weak before you Lord.
I need you.

This week at church a former PORN STAR (ps...I am not linking to a gross site, not to show you her former work ;), only to show you her ministry) came to our church to speak.  She was amazing.  I am so proud to know the power of the Lord.  Boy was she weak. She was the weakest place you can be, in the depth of despair, and the Lord rescued her.  Sometimes I think I believe that the Lord can transform. Can change. Can move. But then I find myself doubting and thinking that 'he doesn't want to do that'.

I am called to believe. To trust.
Blindly.
Because I am weak.
And he is strong. 

For my mom, and Jenny, I know you will like to see how all this fluid has made me look like I'm carrying a large balloon..