25 weeks, back to work

A quick story about our trip.
When we were at the beach, we wanted to commemorate that we took Briar with us.
It was his big trip to the beach.
As we were leaving, (and by leaving I mean we had already entered the pool area for the last time, washed our feet and things off, etc..) I realized we never wrote his name or did anything fun like that. Since it was his only time going, I was kind of bummed.
I just said it was no big deal. I didn't feel like going back out there.
Luckily AG insisted we go back out.


So we did.
I didn't really think it was a big deal. We took some pictures.

Then we left and I started getting mad at AG. For taking a bad picture of me. For not walking right (not really, but the things were that silly). For not knowing to take a picture at a flattering angle. For his yucky and not so pretty crocs (can you see them in the picture? They are CAMO. And the deal was he could buy them as shower shoes for his deployment. He broke the deal :) For EVERYTHING really.  Eventually, I realized that the small act of writing my son's name in the sand made me a little lot sad, because it was his one and only trip to the beach.  Probably. I still pray for healing. But most likely his one and only.  Our other children will spend year after year playing in the water, building sand castles...writing their names in the sand. They will never meet him.
It was tough. And even tougher to realize that my first instinct is to take out my frustration on my hubby in a passive aggressive way. I have to work hard to be aware of when I do that so I can STOP! It is not fair to him. Luckily he knew I wasn't really mad at him...and he gives me grace when I am crazy ;)


So, today, we'll write a note to our man.


Sweet Briar, just know that we love you. We want to make each moment with you special.  We took you to the beach. We are taking you to your third wedding this weekend. You have met one little baby and soon you will meet your friend Catherine's baby, your would-be girlfriend Mary Brent.  We like to talk to you and push on you to see if you will kick.  We can't wait to go to the doctor next week and see pictures of you.  We like to talk about you with everyone, so they know how special you are. In fact, we talk about you so much people probably are uncomfortable. But you are that kind of guy, like your dad, you like to make people feel awkward.  :)  


Today I went to work for the first time all summer. It was hard because I had to tell lots of people about you. That was fun, but I always feel bad letting people down when I tell them about you, because they aren't always so proud and happy when they first hear about you. To be honest, I wasn't either.  I'm sorry for that buddy. But I'm proud that you're our son. And I like to share who you are with people. God created you in such a special way.  On Friday, you'll meet lots of second graders. They will probably bump you and poke you a lot.  I don't know if you will like that. But, you're taking us on this special journey and we love you for that.
Love, your parents :)