Thankful

This week has been a week where I have walked around feeling thankful. Thankful for poop smeared around the crib as I go in to greet my kids in the morning. Thankful for a night of crying kids, so I have to miss a fun get together with friends. Thankful for two beautiful sons that I hold on this earth. Because there is a third son that I will only hold in heaven.
A sweet friend of mine lost her baby this week. 41 weeks. No heartbeat. I can't describe the feelings it brought back in my heart.  My heart broke for my sweet friend. I took photos of the beautiful, gorgeous baby at the hospital.   What a sweet gift to give to someone, because I cherish my photos of Briar. Every day. But it was by far the hardest thing I've ever done, watching someone else hurt in a way that i could literally feel in the depth of my soul.   She is really turning to the Lord for her strength. I am so proud of her. It is so hard. 
It changed the way I looked at my family this week. Because two years ago I was there, in those shoes. Wondering when I would EVER hold a baby that I could "keep".  I remember having Finn and wondering if I really got to keep him...
Well, I got to keep him. And I got another oni the process :) Three boys, two to hold... One amazing husband... So I will choose to dwell there today, rather than in the messy house that I have...or the sweet boys who are pulling at my pant legs right now.  I'm going to go now, and enjoy them. Because that was me...I know what it feels like to be there. And it's not pretty.   But God is faithful. 
Real quick I'll share with you this: the sweet college girls group that I disciple...we've been talking through lots of things lately, but one thing we hadn't done is authentically shared our life stories. I felt like I should be transparent and honest so that they would feel able to do the same.  So I shared about many times in my life, but I ended talking about Briar.  And about how day to day, it was such a struggle.  I really camped out in 2 Corinthians 4.  esp v.16. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly, we are being renewed day by day".  I feel like it's important to continually say out loud that through the lowest, darkest, hardest time in my life, the Lord REFINED me. He made me new in so many ways. I wouldn't ask to lose a baby again, nor would I wish it on my worse enemy...but I also am thankful for the blessings it has brought into my life. I"m thankful for the relationship with the Lord that is stronger and greater for it.

Yesterday I talked about the "casual 5k"...with Dean Karnases. Well, this was downtown after the race.

Finn saying hi to his buddy :)

Even when he is concerned, he is so sweet.

Our sweet friends and fellow staff members, Josh and Kelsey. Whit, their boy, is 3 weeks younger than Finn.

I've already had to take two breaks from writing this to play on the floor with these sweet boys. So clearly I'm needed.  Going to go.