Waiting is not easy.

A new year is here.
2012.

I am realizing that 2011 was a year of waiting for us.
Have you ever waited on something?
Life is FULL of waiting.
In one way or another, we are probably all ALWAYS in a season of waiting.
Some waiting is more 'predictable' than others.

When I say 'predictable', I pretty much mean, "We feel like we can control it more". Funny that the Lord is in control of all things, but we like to feel 'in control' of even the littlest things.

We waited on this guy for a while. Boy, he was worth the wait.


{the face he gives everyone in public...making them think he is a total serious sam..}


I know people that have waited on pregnancies (me included..)
People that have waited on a new job...
waited on a new house...for the finances or ability to purchase one
waited on a man (spouse..) to come into their lives, sometimes never seeing him come..
waited to get pregnant, sometimes years...
waited on a husband to get sober...never seeing results..
waited on a referral from Ethiopia..or any country...
WAITED.

In life, there are many things that you can make happen if you put forth enough effort. If you work hard enough, you can usually make things happen. Or at least it used to feel like I could. Growing up, if I wanted to be better at soccer, I practiced more. If I wanted to do better in school, I studied harder. In college, if I wanted more friends, I went out and made them...

But waiting on a child....or should I say "waiting on the Lord..on his timing...in all things", for that there is no guarantee on the time...
that is tough.

It is a lesson. Because truly, I was never in control. Only holding the brief illusion of control. Only to have it pulled out from under me.

We should have had our referral in November. Well, I was hoping for it in September..
It's january tomorrow.
No referral.
And my heart aches for that little boy. Sweet little Eli. Where is he? What does he look like? What is he wearing right now? Is he sitting in his own urine or is he one of the few lucky ones with a diaper? Does he have someone who gives him kisses?

I know we will know, in God's perfect timing. But my heart still aches. A good reminder. That the Lord never forgets us. Even when our heart aches. He knows.

As I rub little Finn's face to help him fall asleep (spoiled much?), I think of Eli. I pray for him. I want to cry, and sometimes I do...allowing my tears to drip down onto finn's pajamas. His clean, warm, dry pajamas. Because Eli, he is lucky if he even has clean, dry clothing. He is lucky if he gets picked up a couple times a day...much less has his face rubbed as he falls alseep. Why can't I just go to him now? Why can't I see his face? Oh gosh...so hard to wait.

Lately, we have been seeing commercials for the Aspca. I think it's an animal organization. it shows pictures of pathetic, sad, dying animals. And begs for your help.
These commercials make Brandon mad.
I had never given them much thought.
Because I love animals. I love dogs. I have one. I used to have two until my parents took custody of the other :) She is our baby.
But she is not a person.
Brandon loves Bella too. We will be heartbroken when she dies someday.
But she is a dog.
I am sorry if this offends you, but don't you think we should have commercials on tv about the starving children in AMERICA? The lack of clean water around the world? The extreme poverty happening in our favorite vacation spots? The ridiculous sex slave industry that little children are being victimized in...by American business men...in Costa Rica? The nasty, trash and feces ridden slums that house MILLIONS of people in places like India and Africa...and all around the world.

"Then [Jesus] said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field." Matthew 9:37-38

I guess you're in trouble. My soapbox has arrived.

These past couple of years have required a lot of waiting for us.  Waiting on Briar.  Waiting for our short time with him.  Waiting to get pregnant again. Waiting on Finn. Waiting on Eli.  Waiting on Finn some more...he was as late as he could have been....and Eli seems to be the same...

But we will rest and wait in the Lord's PERFECT timing. Because it is perfect.
I'm so excited for all the things that 2012 holds...waiting included...