Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Briar and Photos...some weekend reflections.

I spent most of Saturday cleaning.
Cleaning out the attic.
moving things around.
I made my way to the trunk filled with everything that Briar wore. His obituaries. His blankets (minus the one I sleep with). Everything that was him.
It wasn't hard.
It was fun.
To see what was left of my boy.
In heaven, he is FULL, COMPLETE, MADE WHOLE.  God often reminds me of that when I think of him as "gone".
But it was fun...to see this stuff.
To explore it.
To hold the hats that were on his head.
To touch the blankets that he layed on.
The one moment I got sad...was a note that was written by my friend Evan, who was 11 at the time. I helped take care of him when he was about 2-5 years old. He is so big now. He wrote, "Congratulations on being a mom, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!". It was so sweet. And it melted my heart. As you probably know, we had Briar on my birthday. Sometimes I forget that I'm already a mom.  I already have that title.  It made me so proud to remember that.  And it made me cry. :)

Many people seemed SO EXCITED about the new pregnancy..and the adoption. But (obviously it's hard to be excited) not as much about Briar...obviously a hard line to walk.  If I told you about Briar and you said, "Oh, that's so exciting"...I would wonder what was wrong with you...so I'm not saying that it should be that way.  But... I sometimes forget that I already AM a MOM. To a sweet little baby in heaven! It is sad that I don't get to play with him every day, but I am a mom. Yet another reason I am thankful for the Mama project.

I am having a lot of fun doing photographs for people.  It is getting a little overwhelming...lots of requests and not much time while I am in school.  The adoption won't be final until sometime in 2012...so you've got lots of time to be a part of the journey!

I had slowed down shoots during my first trimester. I did this shoot and it took me about a month to edit. I was SOOOOO TIRED.  I am pretty booked until I get out of school, but excited to start shooting once I am out.
IF I have not responded to you on facebook, I am so sorry!  I often read my messages from my phone and think I will respond later, then don't...

But the shoot that took me a month to edit, the Harrisons.
Some of our favorite people. We would like to be their neighbors. WE both bought old, old houses with lots of charm.  Too bad they aren't next door :)  We love being around them.  They inspire us.
Some of my favorites from the Harrisons...
Typical family photo with a five year old..

gray ric rac copy


  1. I love your thoughts. I was the same way before Tucker Mareto came home... I had to remind myself that I already was a mom. Even if the world forgot - even if they didn't see it that way - I was a mom already. I am so happy for you (both the adoption and pregnancy) and know that you are ALREADY an amazing mom! :)

    PS - the photos look great!

  2. Im glad it didn't make you sad to look thru his things. I like looking thru Carleigh's memory chest to be reminded of her. And, yes, you are a mom! I've heard it said its harder to parent a child in Heaven than it is to parent one on earth. Im still figuring that one out! I hope you get some resta