|Click on picture to view story...|
Since I posted, I have had lots of people ask "how I have the strength" to deal with this. I will be clear that the journey of grief is not an easy one. But I have such a HOPE and a FUTURE knowing that my son is with Jesus. The ONLY WAY I could EVER deal with this is becasue I know that I have a savior and a hope in Jesus Christ. Possibly that sounds cheesy, but it is the absolute truth of my heart.
Knowing that I walk in a faith that gives me hope. Since high school, I have known what a relationship with Jesus meant. I began understanding that I could talk to God, and pray to him, without any formality. I can pray all through out the day. Knowing this really helped me when we found out Briar's diagnosis. Knowing that scripture is TRUE and REAL has helped me so much as I walk through this season of loss. Because I have so much hope. I know that God is not kidding when he says he does all things for good. The way I look at it, I have a tiny, microscopic view of my life. God is up at 10,000 feet (like we are when we fly in a plane), looking down on my life...knowing how the pieces will fall into place. Knowing that in the end, Briar's life DID serve a purpose even if it felt painful to me.
I think that you MUST acknowledge your hurt and pain. Acknowledge that they are real and present. But then move forward and know that you can't dwell there. I think about BRIAR every single day. But I have an eternal perspective on my life. Knowing that the moments on this earth are wonderful, but I surely will have many more moments in heaven someday to know my little man.
If you are hurting, and you have gone through something similar, please email me. I would love to talk.
Some verses that have comforted me, and reminded me of the truth.
"I will turn their mourning into gladness. I will give them
comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,
For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.
—2 Corinthians 5:1-10
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.
But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.