Monday, October 25, 2010

How is your baby?

I know this is blurry, but I LOVE that you can see his muscular little leg.  He was working out in my belly :) But funny enough, my legs looked similar, even when I was little!
Today I walked into the gym and a guy that I know said, "How is your baby doing?"
It COMPLETELY caught me offguard.
It didn't make me sad. But it did make me confused....
What in the world should I say?
This poor unsuspecting guy does not need the whole story.
But gosh, i do LOVE talking about Briar (I get asked less and less as the weeks go on)
But, not to this guy...not now.  Oh no. {brief panic}
I paused....waited for a moment...and eventually said, "Umm, Good!".
Walked away quickly, hoping he wouldn't say anything else.
I decided that if he kept asking, I would just say something like, "Yeah, he's doing really great, but he's in heaven".  It would be one of those weird, awkward moments, but hey....if you're going to ask, I want to tell you. :) I am sure that would be enough to spark some questions.  I know it might seem like a sick sense of humor, but I think of it more like I am a proud mom who just wants to talk about her son. It's more awkward for others to hear about a loss than it is for me to share about it.

There is this group of people that likes to work out at 4:45-6am at the gym...and we've all been there for years. Even if I'm not friends with these people, we all know each other by sight and we acknowledge each other. So, obviously, these people know that I was pregnant. It got really obvious, really fast :)
We didn't talk about it, except with some of the ladies, as we got ready in the mornings.
So I should have expected this.
But I just wasn't ready.
It had me thinking all day...

He is "good".
He is in heaven!
How can you consider that anything but good?
It's a hard thing to answer though. I don't want people to think I'm happy I don't have him.
I'm not happy. I want him.
Maybe sometimes I'm not good.
But HE IS!
There are still pictures of Briar that I haven't seen, because we've been gone.
That makes me excited! There is still something that involves my baby that I haven't seen yet. Because he's been gone six weeks, it seems like he will never produce anything new. Any new memories...but there are some things I haven't seen...and I can't wait! I think I'll get to see them this week. That makes me smile.
Exciting! I can't wait.


  1. Thanks for sharing Brooke. I am positive that Briar is "great"!!!

  2. I love the picture of Briar and I'm so glad you are getting to see NEW pictures of him!

  3. My cousin lost her son when he was 18 years old. Trevor has been dead now almost 20 years, and she has always said that it bothers her that no one wants to talk about him. Of course she understands why people are reluctant to bring him up in conversation, but she said his death doesn't mean that he didn't exist, and that she didn't still love him and want to talk about him. :)

  4. Brooke,

    We lost Naomi Elizabeth at 31 weeks. She would be 6 1/2. I still feel grief. BUT God is amazingly good. Praying for you tonight...

  5. Good job making it through that question! I sent some packages out last week at the post office and had some cutesy little baby stickers all over them - the lady commented and I started crying.

    And on your six week Monday (I never know what to call it for people like us). I thought of y'all all day.

    Also - I think the first comment I made about the legs picture was how he must have your runners legs too funny, have you even mentioned running before? are you a runner? I swear my brain is still baby-scrambled.

  6. Love the Europe pics. Good for yall to get away! I really love any sweet pic we get to see of beautiful Briar. His legs are great legs!! Athlete inside there obviously! God is amazing, the details of us that he places in our children. God is amazing for so many reasons. Still praying for yall daily.

  7. What strong legs! Soccer/Runner legs for sure!! How beautiful!

  8. Ahh! Those are the cutest little legs! Love you girl...

  9. yes, i have definitely seen those legs somewhere
    before, and they are awesome! thank you so much
    for sharing this photo of your beautiful son.