Saturday, October 2, 2010

Please don't judge me...

but we're going to take a trip.
It's much needed.
Something to get away.

I think I told you that Brandon isn't working right now. Neither am I. It's a first in our marriage. It is GREAT for our marriage, especially considering what we are going through. I would say that I am healing really well. But some days are sad. Not weepy sad, but just lonely sad. I'm not lonely because I'm alone. My hubby is home with me. But I am without my child. And sometimes that is just lonely.
We are going to get away for a couple weeks.
We're going to try to catch a military hop to Europe. But if we can't, we're going to go somewhere.  The dogs are staying with grandparents.  But if you want to break into my house, someone will be here, so don't get excited.  Valuables won't be here. Well, most of our stuff is from thrift stores anyway, so you won't find too many fancy things here :)
I guess I'm asking you not to judge me because I do have kids. 19 of them. They are in a classroom on Fort Benning. Sometimes I feel like I"m letting them down by being away. Doing something wrong, almost. I have calculated it, and even if I come back at the latest possible time (which I'm not planning on), my class and I will still have six months together, plus the month plus more that I was already there. So I shouldn't worry. But I do. I don't want the parents of my kids in my class to stress. I don't want my kids to struggle in reading and writing. But I know they won't. I will get them where they need to be. And who made me in control all of a sudden?
All this time I have chosen to trust the Lord. To trust in his perfect timing.
So why do I try to control this part?
Maybe because it feels like something I can control and manipulate. Silly me.
I have NEVER been in control.
I'll be posting, but it might be more sporadic :)

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3,7
‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7 (AMP)

So, I'm going to have some scheduled posts going up while I'm gone. Could be two weeks. Could be three. I'll try to check in from there. But no promises. It's a vacation, after all.


  1. I hope you have a GREAT time! A couple months after Whitney was born, my hubby and I went to Egypt for 2 1/2 weeks. It was perfect. Just what we needed. People thought we were crazy, but we loved it. It was kinda bittersweet, because of course, we'd rather be home with our baby, and we wouldn't have made the trip if she were here. But she isn't here. So getting away and experiencing something positively lifechanging at such a hard time was great. Can't wait to hear about your trip when you return! Blessings to you!

  2. I think getting away sounds wonderful!! I hope you guys have a great trip. Take lots of pictures for us!!

  3. I might judge you if you DON'T take a trip and think you're nuts for not doing so :) I hear that East Asia is nice this time of year if you aren't sold on a location yet!!! jk. its more stressful than anything else and that's not so much what you need but I love you and miss you ookie.