Saturday, September 18, 2010
Since so many of you are far away and don't know the story, or you live here but still don't know the story, I will share some parts of it on here. Obviously, some parts will stay with my family, they were too special to try to describe in words.
As I mentioned in the last post, I had an amnio reduction on Thursday, then an appointment with my counselor. The amnio reduction was so fun (well it was painful, with a needle inside my stomach for about 2 hours) because I got to see Briar on ultrasound for TWO HOURS. The whole time they were suctioning fluid, an ultrasound lady had to sit there. It was so great! I loved seeing him wiggle and move and kick. He kicked so much, and bumped the needle so much that I thought he might be a little scratched up when he came out. My counselor had some good insight for me on what was to come. She prayed with me. She even cried. I was glad to know that it was mutual, because when you share so much with someone, it's great to know they care too :)
Anyway, so I checked in to the hospital on Thursday, September 9th. We all thought that sweet Briar would come within a day or two, maybe three. We all went into the process knowing that we might have to be patient. Little did we know we would be so patient that we would end up waiting as long as we did. But Briar wanted to make an entrance. He held on to life so sweetly. Kicking me until the very end....punching me in the lower stomach just to let me know he was there. I miss that. As a mother, I would never be READY to deliver. I would never be ready to say goodbye to my first baby, my first son. It would never be TIME. I was thankful that I didn't have to make that choice, as a combination of doctor's and midwives helped me to know that it was time. I prayed and prayed for confirmation from insurance and doctor's...not any choice of my own....to dictate when it was time. I prayed that insurance would say NO and Doctor's would get weary if it wasn't the right timing. I felt like the Lord confirmed for me the decision right when it was made certain by my medical team. There will always be a part of me that wishes I just still had him with me now, because that time was all I had with him....the time when he was within me. I am thankful that I feel an overwhelming peace that he was born EXACTLY when he was supposed to be born.
My husband deserves to be mentioned for this entire post because he was absolutely incredible through the whole process. He refused to leave the hospital. Absolutely refused. :) I kept telling him to go out and get some dinner, but he said if I was going to be there, he was too. He sometimes snuggled in the hospital bed with me, then made remarks to the nurses who came in and made them feel awkward. (quite typical :) He made friends with everyone around and was so sweet and kind. Every time I got out of bed to go to the bathroom, he jumped up out of bed to help. He became an expert at changing bedside linens and seeing feminine things that no man should have to spend time around :) When I woke up in the middle of the night with painful contractions, he would just sit and rub my back. He deserves an award.
Now that I've said that I need you to know that the nurses were absolutely incredible at Doctor's hospital...not to mention my midwife. So amazing. I don't know if these nurses knew about my situation in advance of my arrival, but they acted as though they had known me forever. They treated me normally, and didn't look at me with the 'pity eyes' that people often do. They helped us make our tv go on mute so that we could watch the Kentucky football game with no noise (because it was too much for me to hear all the noise in the hospital, I preferred worship music). They spent time sitting and talking with us, hearing our story. They anticipated things I would need in advance and got it ready. They were completely sensitive to our situation and I felt like they really cared. Some of them even shared some of their stories with me.
Thursday night I just went to bed after starting some oral medicine to start the process. Friday we checked the progress and it wasn't much so we changed things up a bit but kept the same medicine. My brother and sister in law joined us at the hospital along with my mom and dad and Brandon's mom and dad. They all rotated in and out of the room. By the end of the night, we still hadn't made any progress, but I wasn't stressed. I had lots of friends come by to visit and my spirits were high. Brandon and I felt so lucky that we would be able to meet our son. We started another medicine, to try something different. I was feeling much stronger contractions on this, so I was hoping we would see progress. We told our parents to go home, and we would call them if anything happened. By morning, there were still no changes, except that my body was more ready for labor. When I went into the hospital, I was 1cm dilated and probably 0%effaced. By this point, I was still 1, and about 20%effaced. Very Sllloooww progress.
Saturday came and more visitors came, because they were off work. Contractions seemed to be worse through the night and then varying during the day Saturday. They were strong, but tolerable. I liked to compare them to an E-Stim Machine....the machine that will stimulate your muscles to contract if you ever go to physical therapy to recover from a surgery or injury. It is uncomfortable at first. Then the more they turn it up, the more you want to ask them to please turn it off. Contractions feel a lot like that. Annoying. Yucky. But honestly, I was patient. I would rather have gone through days of contractions, and have that extra day feeling Briar. So, I wasn't complaining at this point. I thought Saturday would be his birthday, September 11th. To me, this seemed like a good day, because it was already a sad day, so if I was sad every year on that day, people wouldn't think I was a weirdo.
If you read all this way, I'm impressed.
He wasn't born Saturday.
It turns out that the Lord had much better plans than us. I will continue... :)