It's been a week...

since I've posted.
Every day I think I'm going to come on and post...and then I feel like there is no way I can sum up everything that is going on. So I don't.

I will try to begin the updates.
Some things I'm into:
1. Spending time with sweet friends, the Fitz.  I was a nanny/helped out when I was in college there, when the twins were newborns and Evan was 2.  Now they are very grown up.  The boys are going into SECOND GRADE and EVAN is going into FIFTH GRADE!!! Oh my goodness. I teach second grade! The little twins still snuggle with me and Evan does what fifth graders do..he teases me :) The twins would ask about Briar (can we meet him? could we hold him?) and they would hug him.  THey would give me a big hug, then give my belly a tiny hand hug.  It feels good to have him acknowledged. So far, that might be the hardest part. I don't want to talk to him all the time, but I don't want him ignored all together either.  Yep, try to be my friend, I'm pretty hard to please :)

2.  Weddings.
Brandon's cousin got married last weekend in Eastern KY...which was very fun, but interesting.  The wedding was not interesting,it was beautiful.  The city, my mil's hometown, is very nice.  But I saw some interesting sights.  Mullets everywhere.  Rebel flags.  Coors Light bottles used as wind chimes.  IT_ WAS_AWESOME.
The pics below are with my brother and sis in law and our cousin.
My cousin is getting married this weekend in Illinois. In fact, I'm about to get ready for the rehearsal. I am so tired, but trying not to be an annoying complainer :)

3.  I have been ignoring the Lord a little.  When I ignore the Lord, I can make it through most days just fine.  Then someone will say something and I will explode with emotion.  Yesterday I had an amazing time with the Lord in the car on the way to Illinois.  I almost cried about five times, but it was sweet time.  As I processed and read through Psalm 57, (a little snippet)  "my soul trusts in you. and in the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge.  until these calamities have passed by. To God who performs all things for me.  He shall send from heaven and save me.  He reproaches the one who would swallow me up.  God shall send forth his mercy and truth". 
I hesitate to even write this about "calamities"...I don't want to consider Briar a 'calamity', but it truly a trying time...knowing I have a baby that is not going to survive.  I love spending time with the Lord and remembering that my time is not my own.  When I spend time with him and rest there...my emotion comes out there...not on others.  It is not going to be easy no matter how I deal, but it is so important that I cling to the Lord in each situation.  He is here to comfort.

4.  I have been re-reading a book written by a blogger that I love.  It is called , "I will carry you".  Many of you have mentioned it to me. I actually have been following her blog for years, little did I know I would relate so well with her.  Her hubby wrote the song below after it happened. I love the lyrics.

I checked out her blog today and I didn't realize that she just had another baby!!  What an amazing blessing...and I love that!! Check it out here.
And the lyrics to the song below.  It makes me cry.

I Will Carry You Lyrics

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?People say that I am brave but i'm not
Truth is i'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says

i've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One who's chosen Me
To carry you

As long as you won't judge me.....I'll show you a picture of myself.

I feel huge.  Strangers still seem  shocked that I'm preggo where as friends seem shocked  that others wouldn't notice.

The one on the right was taken last night and the one on the left taken today. I was more bloated last night and I was standing at an angle...it shows how the outfit can be deceiving!! 

20 weeks. 

Blessings to you today!!