Friday, April 30, 2010

Not the best of days...

Okay, here is how my day went.

I backed my sweet friend Jess' car up into a tree and caused considerable damage.

My dog killed a squirrel as I watched it's little body twitch around.

Oh, and I went to the doctor.

It wasn't the best day :)  But regardless, the Lord is good.  You can read the update to come and I will tell you that I am in various stages of anger, fear, sadness and hurt all throughout the day.  I'm sure the days will continue like this.  But the good news is that I am well supported by people who love me and love the Lord. So many people have offered me encouragement in the last couple of days through email, phone and facebook, and even this blog. It  means so much.  The reason I shared my pregnancy in the first place was to go through the journey with people. To share in the LIFE growing within.  The life I did not form, but the Lord placed in my womb. Not for me. The baby has never been mine, only his. 

You probably are curious what happened at the doctor. Let me tell you that I had the sweetest old grandma doctor EVER.  He was so kind.  He spent a lot of time looking at me through ultrasound and eventually when he spoke, he gently told me that he was very concerned.  He said that it looks as though the baby that I am carrying, our firstborn, is not developing a skull in the back of the head.  This can be called several things, but the most common term is anencephaly.  I am going back in one week to have the doctor look to make sure nothing looks any different, but the prognosis is not good. They have told me that a baby like this cannot sustain life outside the womb.  Of course, I am praying for life and for bones to be visible when we return in one week. But I am also praying that the Lord would begin to show us how he wants to be glorified through this situation. Right now we have no clue.  We are hurt and angry and sad.
I have done everything right. The day I found out I was pregnant I stopped going to Starbucks (a huge deal for a latte a day drinker), dropped all beverages except water (again-it used to be one or two diet mt. dew per day), became very aware and cut back on my working out (as I was training for a triathlon) and did all the things they recommend for a healthy baby.  None of these things matter when you are talking about a neural tube defect.  It is nothing I did or AG did. It is simply the way things work.  Why? That is something I will ask God someday when I enter his kingdom. Why does it have to be that way Lord? For now, it is nothing I need to concern myself with.  I just need to concern myself with how does he want to use this to be glorified.

So now as we wait to return to the doctor, I try and try not to google. But I can't help it. It is tough.  We have lots to think about. Your prayers would be appreciated as we pray through this maze.  We honestly know and believe that the Lord has a plan for our pregnancy to affect others.  I just pray that we will continue to be guided in the meantime.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. We are leaning on the Lord alone. No one else has the power to provide a life worth living. 
This might be a long waiting game. We are prepared to wait.

"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." Ps 9.9-10


  1. Oh Brookie. Thanks for sharing. I am praying for you, Brandon, and your sweet baby. Praying for strength, understanding, comfort, and more than anything else, healing if it is His will. With an open heart and hands, you have left this baby in the Lord's hands from day 1 and I am confident that He will continue to strengthen your faith through this season of waiting and uncertainty. Love you so much friend.
    - Hay

  2. Brooke, know that I'm praying for you right now. It is not always easy to see why certain things happen in life. Things we may never have clarity on. But I DO know that God can be trusted, always. He never leaves us or forsakes us. God is not done yet though, Brooke. I'll be praying for His hand of healing over Baby Whitis.

  3. Aw Brooke, we are praying for you all and your baby! I want to share these verses with you because they were a rock for me to cling to daily during my 1st pregnancy when we found out we'd had a miscarriage. I hope you find comfort in the fact that the Lord is knitting your baby with His own hands,and that He already knows each day He has planned for this precious baby. Love you guys.

    "For you formed my inward parts;
    You knitted me together in my mother's womb.
    I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
    Wonderful are your works; My soul knows it very well.
    My frame was not hidden from you,
    when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
    Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
    In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
    -Psalm 139:13-16

  4. Brooke! I love you friend. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling. I am praying for all three of you and passing this prayer along to as many prayer warriors as i know. As you know, our God is sovereign..."He is before ALL things and in HIM all things are held together." Col. 1:17. He holds your heart and this babies life. Your reaction is admirable and so glorifying to God. We are praying friend!

  5. Brooke,

    You don't know me, but you know my brother, Bryan and sister-in-law Danielle. I will be praying for you and your sweet baby. Rest assured there will be many prayers, many prayers!

    In His love,
    Brittany (Baise) Richey

  6. Brooke, sweet brooke, you guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. Life happens and sometimes it happens hard. Please keep me updated. Give Brandon my best.
    Big hugs

  7. Brooke, it's Brittany again. I just can't seem to get you off my mind. I have been praying for you in the past few heart aches for what you are going through.

    I know you probably have lots of resources, but I keep coming back to "Bring the Rain"
    (, it is a wonderful blog of faith even in times of trials. You'll have to start from the beginning and read their beautiful story. She has recently taken Audrey's story and written a book ("I Will Carry You"), that was just out in Lifeway stores on May 1st. I've already read it, couldn't put it down. Just thought I would mention it.

    With love and prayers,
    Bryan and Danielle's sister