(for some reason I can only type in all caps. I'm not yelling...just a small problem with my blogger :)
So we left off talking about Saturday. WE TRANSITIONED INTO SUNDAY VERY QUICKLY AND I THOUGHT, "OH MAN, THAT ISN'T A GREAT BIRTHDAY....RIGHT BETWEEN SEPTEMBER 11 AND 13TH (MY BDAY)." But I figured it would work, since at this point I had been in labor for several days. Sunday I was just having a day that was a little discouraging. Most people thought that I would be having the baby that morning. My water broke that morning. Briar would be coming that day, I think we were all sure of it. When I found out that I hadn't made much progress (i was just a little more effaced, no more dilated). I started to feel bummed and discouraged...tired. Lots of people came to visit that afternoon after church, etc and I eventually had everyone go so I could just take a nap. I had a minor sad moment thinking that maybe we we didn't hear the Lord right. Maybe we were wrong. Maybe I should have put myself in more danger and waited longer. Maybe I should have had a c-section already. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.
I loved what happened next. It was almost as if something audible said, "Never doubt in the darkness what the Lord has shown you in the light". I don't know when I first heard that. I don't know why it popped into my head. But i feel confident the Lord wanted me to know that i had felt completely confirmed in the Lord's timing before coming into this, and I couldn't begin doubting the lord now. just because i thought he should come before my birthday didn't mean that was his plan.
As Sunday came to a close, i felt a complete peace about sharing my birthday with my son. how special, i thought to myself, to share something with him forever. if he wouldn't be here to celebrate with us, he would at least make sure we celebrated him every year. As i went to bed that night, on sunday night, i knew that in the morning we would be doing a c-section unless he came before that. I even felt a peace from the lord about that...whatever would bring him.
They tried to help me sleep that night as my contractions were very strong, and i fell into a very hazy sleep. i kept waking up and sitting straight up in bed because of the pain. i would look over at brandon and say, "i can't sleep'...and he would rub my back. i called the nurse around 1am and asked if i could get anything else to sleep and she said she just gave me benadryl a couple hours ago, so she couldn't give me anything else. she told me she would be back when she could. I was writhing around in pain in silence, because noone was up. i felt wimpy, after going so many days with no progress, i figured i still hadn't made any progress. so i just waited and prayed, and listened to the worship music we played every night. i tried to relax. at this point i was wondering if it was time for an epidural, but i thought that i would just wait until morning, because i knew it would be silly to get one if i was just one cm dilated.
when my nurse came in to give me benadryl about 2:15am on september 13th (monday), she could see i was in pain. she got my midwife, who decided to check me. my hubby woke up and came over to the bed. she told me i was at 3cm. this was exciting because this was the hugest jump we had ever made. b asked if he should call our parents and she told him not yet. I was in a ton of pain at this point, and i thought i might just be dramatic, so i tried to downplay things. my midwife decided to check again about 5 minutes later, and i was 6cm. melissa (the midwife :) told Brandon to hurry and call our families. He did, a little before 3am. things progressed very quickly, much too quickly for an epidural. so much for all the worries about my platelets, i ended up with no choice :) in the end, i was so happy about that. it was very painful, but those were special moments with my sweet son, as labor progressed. i wouldn't have said that when it was going on....but i can say it now.
my mom and mother in law were supposed to come in, but somehow they did not make it. I think i might have said for them not to, in the midst of my non medicated haze. I regret that, because i really really wanted them in there. but...luckily we had it set up so everyone was going to come in immediately after he was born, and they did. Everyone got to meet him. we took lots of time with him, examining each part of his body. his amazingly long toes and perfect feet. his sweet little nose and mouth. his little man parts. his super long and muscular legs. it was so beautiful and perfect.
This will probably be the last cake I have with only my name on it :) That makes me so happy to know my son and i have some tangible way to be together.
tomorrow we are going to see pictures of briar with amazing jess. I'm also going to follow her to a photoshoot :) very fun. probably sort of hard to see pictures, but special...so very special.
thanks for reading the ridiculously long story. I wanted to make sure it was documented so i remember later. so we all remember. he was so special....and will always be so special to us.
I SAMUEL 1:27-28
