Just talking..

 Today, on the way to work, I had nutella and peanut butter toast.  It was so good!  It started my day off right!!  It was a fun night last night, hanging out with some fun people who love photography.  I have a feeling that some of them will be better than I am....hahaha, which is why you shouldn't volunteer to lead a group like that!  Today I really don't have much planned, so I am looking forward to relaxing this evening...maybe catching up on my bible reading.  I tend to be a rebel.  To turn from authority.  Well, I had planned on concentrating on a couple books of the bible this year, all year.  I had it all mapped out.  Then, out of the blue, our pastor comes up with the challenge of the bible in a year.  And as he said it, I immediately thought, "I know I'm a leader, but I am not doing that.  I already know what I'm doing this year.  People get so caught up with reading the bible in a year that they miss what they are reading....(on and on my devilish inner monologue went...)Then my pastor said this:"My daughters read through a 400-500page book a in a weekend.  But they are having a hard time with the bible.  But they have committed to it.  And they are having fun."  I thought about my NOOK.  And all the useless time I spend mindlessly reading "The girl with the dragon tattoo" or even logical, biblically based books like, "Redeeming Love" or the "Mark of the LIon Series" (Ps, I know that book titles should be underlined, but I'm feeling lazy, so I felt like quotations would be an acceptable replacement....).  These books are LONG! Thousands of pages, but I read through them in a month.
And I have never read the bible cover to cover in a measurably short amount of time.  I read my bible almost daily, but not in a very intentional way. I am (sometimes) one of those prideful Christians that thinks that the challenge that the pastor is giving must not be for me.  It is for new believers, or people that aren't in the word already.  But then the Lord completely convicted me.....I often feel unfulfilled after reading my bible.  I don't get much out of it. I jump around a lot. I didn't go to church when I was little, so when people refer to bible stories, I nod and smile but don't have much to add in.  Sometimes I think I should read a children's bible to understand it in a simplistic way. 
So I decided that I better turn this thing around.   I decided to accept the challenge.  On January 15th or so.  But....better late than never, right??  I am on January 26th in  my reading plan...so I have done 26 days since January 15th.  I find myself sometimes not wanting to put my bible down!  I want to finish the story.  It is great! I think it is the most effective time I have ever had as a believer....teaching myself...outside of a bible study.  But honestly, God's word ON IT'S OWN...is so much more powerful than a study.  Because it is the real deal.  Not to discount a study...it is where the majority of my growth as a believer has come from... All that to say...Exodus is not so boring after all... :) 

I hope you have a wonderful WEDNESDAY!  

Strength? Not my own!

So, I recently posted Briar's story here:

Click on picture to view story...

Since I posted, I have had lots of people ask "how I have the strength" to deal with this.  I will be clear that the journey of grief is not an easy one.  But I have such a HOPE and a FUTURE knowing that my son is with Jesus.  The ONLY WAY I could EVER deal with this is becasue I know that I have a savior and a hope in Jesus Christ.  Possibly that sounds cheesy, but it is the absolute truth of my heart.

  Knowing that I walk in a faith that gives me hope. Since high school, I have known what a relationship with Jesus meant.  I began understanding that I could talk to God, and pray to him, without any formality.  I can pray all through out the day.  Knowing this really helped me when we found out Briar's diagnosis.  Knowing that scripture is TRUE and REAL has helped me so much as I walk through this season of loss. Because I have so much hope. I know that God is not kidding when he says he does all things for good.  The way I look at it, I have a tiny, microscopic view of my life.  God is up at 10,000 feet (like we are when we fly in a plane), looking down on my life...knowing how the pieces will fall into place.  Knowing that in the end, Briar's life DID serve a purpose even if it felt painful to me.  

  I think that you MUST acknowledge your hurt and pain.  Acknowledge that they are real and present.  But then move forward and know that you can't dwell there.  I think about BRIAR every single day.  But I have an eternal perspective on my life.  Knowing that the moments on this earth are wonderful, but I surely will have many more moments in heaven someday to know my little man.

If you are hurting, and you have gone through something similar, please email me.  I would love to talk.

Some verses that have comforted me, and reminded me of the truth.

"I will turn their mourning into gladness. I will give them

comfort and joy instead of sorrow."

~Jeremiah 31:13~

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,

—John 11:25

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

—2 Corinthians 5:1-10

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

—Philippians 1:21-24

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

—Philippians 3:20-21



He stays..

Resting.

Relaxing.

Kind of.

When I say resting...I mean I am able to have some naps. That makes me so happy! It is officially summer. I am also just unbelievably blessed to have a husband who makes my dinner many nights. He cleans the house...he even mopped. Not all husbands would do that. Heck, I haven't mopped in forever! The dinner you see here is chile rubbed chicken with avocado chicken.  Go Brandon!!
My nap today. Very gross...if you look at my eyes, you'll see how my eyes come open a little  when I sleep. Be lucky you don't have to sleep with me...gross.

Today we found out that B will not have to go back oveseas this rotation. WOO HOOO!!!!  Do you know the deep breath of relief that came out of me today when I found that out? This is a really tough journey, but I really appreciate being able to deal wit this situation with my hubby as the Lord intended me to. He created us to be life partners. To deal with the lows in life as well as the highs. So far, we have had an interesting road, with all deployments....learning to communicate and love each other in a special way. To us so far, these have been our challenges.  Now that we have been faced with a journey of a child that will not live in this world, we are realized what priortities should look like.  Family has always been first, but to have him HERE and PRESENT in the FLESH is amazing. I need that.  We are turning to the Lord each day and each moment as we strive to seek him.

Mark 10:6-9
"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Col 3:12-14
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  



We are choosing to follow the  Lord through sorrow and pain.  We are waiting to see what the Lord chooses for our sweet Briar. What his timing will be.  We know the Lord doesn't want my life in danger, but right now I am okay...and he is surviving just fine inside of me. I am 16 weeks preggo. And we are just holding on to hope.  Knowing the Lord is capable of miracles. We are praying. 

"But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have summoned you by name: you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze, For I am the Lord, your GOd, the Holy one of Israel, your Savior"
ISAIAH 43:1-3

Happy Turkey Day!! Hope you have a great day with family and friends.

I am so thankful for a God who has redeemed my life, who sent a savior to die for my sins. This covers all things.

Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. Ephesians 3:20