Friday, October 29, 2010

Overwhelmed but carried through!

"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, i'll already be there." 
~Author Unknown 
picture from (whoops, forgot user!!)

I just stole this quote from my friend Courtney's blog.  I love it!  That is how I imagine my boy.  I saw the rest of Briar's pictures yesterday. They totally blessed my heart!  :)
I have had a lot on my mind lately.  I am seriously stressed about my poor kids at school, but I'm just not ready to be back yet. They have had random substitutes going in and out, and I don't like that it is so unstable for them! I just want them to be stable while I'm gone, but I know it won't be helpful for any of us if I go back too soon.  Anyway, I know that situation will work itself out. But I do feel completely overwhelmed. My principal asked me to come back Monday. I just can't do that.  But I feel total pressure to be ready NOW.  I just had a crying attack today (truth alert.). I am overwhelmed. I know very well that I need to just trust what I my instincts. 
I am doing a little blog makeover. Please be patient with me as I continue to play with things for the next couple of weeks.
I feel like it is a metaphor for where I am in life right now. I am changing. I am growing. Hopefully making things better. But I am definitely a work in progress. I always will be.  I know how imperfect I am.
I'm a mess!
But luckily the Lord is not. 

Some days I feel as though I did a lot of my grief while I was pregnant.
Then other days I feel SO EMPTY that I just wonder how I will dig out of this hole I'm hiding in.  It HURTS. But, lots of things in life hurt.  The Lord is here to carry us while we hurt.  It's hard to remember in the midst of it. 

It is crazy that I will be back at work dealing with normal things in just a couple weeks....less than's a little overwhelming. But I know I can handle it. Because I have a God who is WAY bigger than me. Than I can even imagine.
So I rest in that today as I feel overwhelmed. :)


  1. Hang in there girl! Take as much time as you feel is right for you. Your blog looks "shabulous!" :)
    I am so glad we got to hang out yesterday, and really look forward to next Wednesday! So much fun. :)

  2. mmm, listen to *you* about going back to work...I have toyed with "I'm ready!" and then talking to friends from work and the stress they are dealing with I know that it would *not* be good for me to return right now.

    I feel like you will know when you're ready, even if you're always a little not ready.

    Love the 2nd to last paragraph in the I-totally-understand way, what a good way of describing the roller coaster of grief.