Polka Dots and Ric Rac...

Watch out for momma bear!

2012-02-11T21:37:00.000-08:00

oh goodness, watch out ladies, because four month old finn is turning into a handsome little man! he has always been handsome, but now he is starting to look a little less 'baby' and a lot more 'boy'. I'm not saying I'm happy about it...but trying to embrace it, because come on, he will grow whether we like it or not!

No joke, I did not enhance his eyes. Got them from his dad. I ran a basic preset over the photo, but I didn't brighten his eyes up. Crazy little guy and his bright blue, gorgeous eyes. And the drool. One month of drool now. Waiting for the tooth, but not in a any hurry to have it either :)

Let me tell you about my crazy momma bear instinct that I had no idea that existed until I had children. I didn't even know it happened, but let me tell you it does! I am sure you all have it, in one way or another. The way I hear parents talk about their kids, "Little Johnny is so naughty when he does this, I wish he would stop", but the minute anyone else talks about little johnny, you better watch out! It's not okay anymore :)

I have seen this in several instances with my children, briar included, two of which I will give examples of, but neither of which were that "big of a deal". I am sure the other person didn't recognize that the situation even happened and probably didn't even think to say anything to me about it, because it was that minor.

Okay, here we go. First, we'll talk about Finn. I stay at home with him. I love being with him. I leave him with Brandon once every couple of days to run an errand. Other than that, he has hung out with my friend Terri (holla for a screaming child!) and my friend Karlisa's mom, the childcare workers at fitness for women (5 times), max fitness (3 times) {WHY AM I TELLING YOU, YOU DON"T CARE...SORRY! JUST MAKING A POINT..}....oh, and the grandparents...but needless to say, he has not been away from me that much. So leaving him is a big deal. I try not to be one of "those parents", so I have been trying to leave him with people more...but at the same time...he won't be spoiled people, he's four months old. And if he does get spoiled, well...then we'll deal with that :)

ANYWAY, I left him at our church nursery. I trust them. They know him. I knew he would be fine. I left him sleeping with his airplane engine (sounding) noise machine, and a cover over his car seat. Sleep should have lasted an hour at least. When I get back, about 50 minutes later, he is being held by a worker. I ask if he was fussy and she said, "Well that white noise was pretty loud and he MUST be hungry", then she said, " He sure is a serious baby". I felt fine until she said the last part. I mean, I can say that he is serious. But when you tell me he is serious (unless you're a family member, who can make those comments :), it is like saying, "Wow, that scarf is interesting" or "Your hair is different looking". I wouldn't call them insults, but I certainly wouldn't classify them as compliments either! So, of course, i couldn't stay quiet. i said, "Well, he smiles all the time for me". {really? why did I feel the need to say that? she wasn't being mean, just making an observation! see what i mean?? momma bear is coming out!}.

Then there is example number two. Involving Eli. Well, since I can't show his real photo online, but I can show it in person, I am desperate to show off my child to others. You can find me flashing it to the workers at Starbucks, my dental hygenist, etc. So, when my 5:30am workout buddies (random acquaintances who I have been seeing at the gym for 4.5 years..>} asks about my "new" baby, I proudly get out my phone to show a picture of Eli. Although Finn is my "new" baby, most of the people there have already seen him. To make sure we were talking about the same child, I said, "This is the newest baby who we are adopting". As I held out the phone to show him (an older man, in his 60's}, he seemed confused and then uninviting. He looked at me, almost disappointed, then said, "Oh, well where is the picture of YOUR baby?"...insinuating that Eli is not mine..?! Also, looking at his photo, and making me feel a very distinct sense of RACIAL prejudice. I cannot read minds, but I feel pretty certain that there was something bothering him about the way my child looked. And that made me so mad!!! I know that I have to prepare myself for a lifetime of weird questions about his race and his place in our family, but as far as I'm concerned, he is just as much "my" child as Finn is. He might not have been born from me, but the Lord called us to him, and prepared his way to be in our family...so there is no difference.

Okay, just had to see if anyone else had these crazy momma instincts to protect their children when others start to talk bad about them! Or even start to talk ANY WAY about them...or even look at them a different way. If I'm this bad now, how will I be when he gets here?!

In other news, I am feeling very weirded out by my angel care monitor. I have a video portion of it, and it is quiet until it hears something in the room (usually him fussing). But lately, close to midnight, it has been coming on, but all I hear is white noise. So I click on to see him, and he is sleeping SOUNDLY. Not moving, not rustling around, NOTHING. Then, it goes silent again. THen, about 30 seconds later, I hear the white noise again, but when I inspect the screen, he is STILL. Umm, hello house from 1924, I do not believe in ghosts, but I would appreciate that whatever is happening in Finn's room...could it please stop?! It is weirding me out to have this thing come on! Umm, thank you.

Oh, and in further news...I did launch the photography blogsite, only about a month past my projected goal..which was at the beginning of 2012. :) If you get a chance, go say hi there :) I will just post there with new photo shoots, and occasionally some personal shoots of Finn, etc.

{mr.finn} four months

2012-02-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

This child is mine, so I'm a bit partial.
But really?
Does it get cuter?
I love this guy so much.
4 months old.
He is DROOLY (is that even a word?)...which is quite clear from these photos.
He loves sperry's. Well...maybe his mom does. :) But either way, he is ready to be on the boat this summer.
He is getting more hair.
He loves to dress up :)

Overall...I love spending my days with him.
I literally miss him when he takes naps.
Pathetic, i am aware.
But, I'm not missing a moment. and I feel lucky for that. I didn't get these moments with briar. I don't get them with eli. So i'm soaking them up with finn. every one of them.

FInances aren't the prettiest thing around here.
I quit my job, which I loved...and which paid pretty well..
Brandon is weeks away from leaving the army for a much lower paying job.
But we somehow feel content.
I'm not sure how all the bills will get paid.
Well, yes I am.
God is clear about his commands. And so we will follow him, even when it seems scary.
I am tempted to apply for jobs.
Starbucks?! I should work there just to pay for the habit...
But I feel like God has us in a season of waiting, of trusting...
So, we are doing that.

Without further suspense...our sweet boy...

I realize these are a tad blurry, but it's worth it to me for the sweet smiles :)

Gosh...

I LOVE IT.
I love spending time with this guy.
Focusing more on ministry and on God's purpose for my life.
Poor and happy.
Yep, I think I'd rather be that than Rich (or well off) and not content.
Let's be honest that this is going to be a battle.
Satan knows my weakness...that I covet other people's houses..stuff...abilities..

I am embarrassed to share this story, because this friend reads the blog (Hi t!), but for the sake of authenticity, here we go...

It started out a normal movie/switch date night. One couple goes to a movie, babysitting the children and then in the same night, you switch children, and the other couple hits a movie. PERFECT. Well, as I sat in this beautiful, clean, organized, well decorated house...I began to play the game of comparison. Wow, she is a wonderful house keeper. Wow, her house sure is organized. I'm so impressed with her style. She has such nice things (which she later told me were mostly from garage sales...see...darn comparison...). She decorates so well. she keeps up with a scrapbook of photos. She has an organized and beautiful bookcase. She has a simple and clean baby room. And in every one of these thoughts, I heard Satan..."you're not good enough", "You're not enough", "you will never be a good mom", "you will never be a good wife", "you will never cook like her", "you will never be this organized". And after sitting down when the kids were asleep, Brandon sat down to watch a movie, and I sat down and cried. In the middle of this beautiful living room. I let the lies of Satan permeate my heart. And I hate that.

Why do I allow that to happen? Because I do not listen to God's promises for me.
I am a great mom.
Perfect? NO. Great? yes!
God has given me everything I need to be a great mom and wife.

One of the things I LOVE about our church...and our pastors..is the way they focus on living in your STRENGTHS. Don't try to live in the things you don't thrive in. I should never strive to be the most organized person in the world. It is not my strength. So I will try to remain organized enough to function well, but I don't need to be the best. In eternity someday, will God judge me on my cleanliness, cooking, or my organizations skills?!? NO! Will be judge me on the way my child serves the Lord? YES! On the way I served him? Yes! On the way I shared in my blessings with others? YES! None of that has anything to do with my house. Or my faults. So, that night was good for me. I left that house feeling encouraged. Although my house doesn't look anything like that...it is US. it is eclectic. And although not messy...it has craft supplies peeking out of cupboards sometimes..and books sitting on shelves..but it is US. So I'm okay with it for now.

But, I might like to have her over to help me re-arrange things...

2012-02-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Life. It is so funny.

Tonight, Brandon is packing up our army life. Well, the gear that completely fills our attic...the army helmet, the backpacks, the EVERYTHING. It has always been so annoying...all that "crap"...but now it just feels weird. They let us have all of the gear that brandon needed to go to war, to do training...and then they take it all back...as if he never had that life. I mean, let's be real...I'm glad it's leaving.

But it seems so final.
We will be out of the army in just a couple weeks.

Last night we hung out with friends and they were asking him about the army..about war...and it was crazy..to think that he has seen and experienced so much. It just seems normal to us. But fast roping out of helicopters...jumping out of planes, sleeping in the woods for weeks....being afraid for your life and seeing buddies die....those are just not normal things... :)

In other news...

We just recently found out (TODAY) that Ethiopia decided to close their courts for three weeks.
Really? Just close them?
Yep.
Closed. For some mandatory training.
Our agency said they have never closed in February.
Lucky us :)

So the court date won't be set for at least three weeks...probably early April.

So, we will continue to wait.
And I am excited to see what will come out of the waiting.
I try not to think about our little boy directly. I have the time for Addis Ababa; Ethiopia on my phone. It is 7:45am there now. I am about to go to bed and he is just waking up. I pray for him all throughout the day, but I try not to think too hard about what he is doing. Who is talking with him or not. Because either way I'll be sad. If people are interacting with him and loving him, I am wishing it was me. If they are not, I am broken hearted he doesn't have it. Luckily, he is in the transition home right now ,or the place that the children go when they are waiting for their families. So they get better, more specialized care. This week, a friend of mine who is honest (Thanks, T!), told me I might be a little stupid for taking Finn to Ethiopia. She was scared for me. You might have felt he same way. I don't know if I have fully explained why. Nor do I need to...because I am sure many of you have your thoughts either way... but... aside from nursing (I am not ready to stop AT ALL), bonding (to be gone for a week, I could do, but I don't want to!), and being halfway around the world if anything happened to him... I want this to be a family thing. I want him to look back and know he was a part of picking up his brother. I want Finn to know that he was our first child (okay, this is getting confusing, because Briar will ALWAYS be our first child and the kids will know that...but for this instance we will say Finn is first because he is the first living in the home...) and that he and I had time alone before Eli came. It is special to tell the story. Most people adopt when their kids are older. They get to explain adoption and the picture of Christ to their kids through it. Sometimes I am bummed that we got called to adoption a little early. :) But how neat that hopefully Finn will grow up understanding it, rather than learning it later.

I have a new mentor/discipler. I didn't know her at all and I had my pastor's wife ask her if she would disciple me. I just wanted an older woman, as spoken in titus 2...to encourage me, model for me how to raise godly children in a godly home. to love my husband well. This particular woman has an amazing testimony. And after fostering newborn babies for many years, they are currently in the process (after all 8 of their kids are out of the house...) of adopting an older foster child..or children... Yes, I think that this is the person to learn from.

I wish my mom lived in town (and maybe she eventually will!)..but even then...I think you always need someone outside of your family to just pour into your life. And mel...you have been wonderful in this for me. But I need someone physically here, although aside from my mom and mother in law, you are my go-to person to call for wisdom.

Anyway...back to the children... and how that relates to the discipler...sometimes I get scared...How will I raise a toddler? What will I do? Most people just tell me how horrible and hard it will be. My mentor reminded me that if God gave us these children and provided us with the calling to have them...then he would give us EVERYTHING we needed to take care of them. Emotionally. Physically. Even financially. Shooo. She is so right. I have been able to trust him financially (surprisingly, usually I worry in this area...), knowing that he has called us to this, so he will provide. But emotionally I am struggling. I want to feel inadequate...
Because I am!
Apart for Christ I am completely in adequate to raised an orphaned baby with brown hair (how will I handle it?!?) with a (probably) rebellious toddler heart.
But in Christ, who has already overcome the world...I will ask him for strength each day.
For the courage to do what he has called me to do.
I will ask him to take the worry away.
And I will parent these children.
It won't always be pretty.
But what is?
I want to always look back and know that even when our kids didn't know and weren't aware of it, we were teaching them to love others. to love God first, other second. As Kanakuk (a camp we worked at in college) would always say, God first, others second, I'm third.

Today, I try to walk around thinking about that in my mind.

I am THIRD.

Too tired to add pictures. It would just be finn.
I'll show you more of him tomorrow.
He gets his four month shots.
He will not be happy :)

Accepting Compliments

2012-01-26T20:56:00.000-08:00

Do you accept compliments well?I have always known that i do not.
However, my "love language" (if you've read the five love languages..) is words of affirmation. I thrive on hearing positive words. But people probably don't like to compliment me because I don't take them well.I usually deny (because I don't know how else to respond) and then compliment them in return.
For example, my friend told me I looked skinny at church. I said, "Oh no, not really (mumbling under my breath), then looked at him awkwardly". He was just being kind. Then, he could tell he made me uncomfortable (it actually was nice verbal affirmation that I just couldn't accept well...) so he said, "WEll, I just have only seen you pregnant for two years and. you look so much smaller". Well guess what, it made the compliment a little less awesome when he added that on. If I could have just graciously accepted the compliment from the start, it would have been better.
At the gym, a friend said, "Wow, your stomach looks great, you have really come a long way". I should have said, "Thanks so much". No way. Why would I be so gracious? Was I fishing for more? Or could I just not accept it? I said, "Well, I have a long way to go". She was supposed to say, "No, you look great'. She said, "Well, yeah, but you have come a long way". HAHAHHA. Basically saying, Well, you've lost a lot, but you're still a fatty. Gotta love that.
Whose fault was it? MINE!Just accept the compliment and WALK AWAY!!
It is funny, because I have been realizing that I am not good at this. Even with Brandon. He said that he doesn't give me as many compliments because he is afraid I am going to think he's lying. Really? I guess I might be that bad.
I suppose being pregnant for two years straight will do that to a girl.
Today, I went to visit a friend in the hospital who just had a baby. She was talking about her belly and how it was a little jiggly. I told her I understood. Then she named another friend and said she hopes she can get her belly back like hers. I wanted to say, "Oh, what, you don't want this bowl of jelly I have?". :)
~~Maybe~~ Definitely the problem is that I want extreme compliments. When I compliment someone...I go on and on. And I make sure they leave CONVINCED that I meant it. I guess when I ask questions, I am testing the person to see if they meant it. Everyone fails my tests :)
In other news...Finn is sweet as can be. But I think I have an irrational fear of him getting sick.Let's be honest.Kids get sick.Babies get sick.It's going to happen.it's a matter of time.Why am I so scared of it?
Maybe becasue I can't control it. I don't get a say in when it happens, and what sickness it is.
I also think I'm in panic mode a little about Ethiopia. My pediatrician said maybe we should take someone we trust to stay in the room with Finn while we visit the orphanage. I agree. But that is a lot of money to ask someone to pay to help us with Finn.And I know you're thinking "Just leave him!!".Well, sorry, I can't.
Leah, if you are reading, you convinced me not to.Leah adopted a baby when she had a newborn. She decided not to take the baby, and her husband went on one trip alone and she went on one alone. She said it was not encouraging to do it separately, and her milk dried up. Both of those sound sad. So she convinced me...I'm taking him. I want to continue nursing. I do not want to be away from him. And I think he will be fine.But I am nervous.
So if you think of it. Pray for peace in that area. His health.Maybe I'm just nervous because I NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO HIM.There.I said it.I already lost one.I don't want to lose another.
And I won't. And if I do, the Lord will carry me through it, just like he would for any of you. But there is no need to live in fear.
So I won't. Okay, God? I am choosing to trust you with Finn's health. With Eli's health.With Brandon's health.I am going to choose not to spend life worried.And I don't.But I can see how easily it would happen.
Okay, just for fun...here are some {blurry} pictures of Finn and Dad playing!

ps. to my real friends who have read this far..I need help. I am getting my photography website together. Does anyone know how to do a portfolio on there? Right now it is a blogsite...but I don't have a portfolio. I don't know how I would host it..or include it...?! If you want to see the work in progress, email me, and I will show you so you can offer constructive criticism. :) GOODNIGHT!

It's about time...

2012-01-23T20:44:00.000-08:00

Since Finn is almost four months, I thought maybe you would want to see three months.
He is so darn handsome.

ps. I just saw the typo-bat at oys. Forgive me. I'm not sleep deprived, but I am a momma...

I am a little nervous about taking him to Ethiopia, but there is NO WAY I am leaving him. I am still nursing, and he will only be four or five months when we go. There is no way I am leaving him. But, as I begin to think about logistics....I am realizing it might be more challenging than I think. But, I will be praying for lots of grace and an extraordinary amount of easy travel. if you have ever taken a long flight with a little baby...give me all your tips, please!!!!!!

More soon, but this is all I can manage at almost midnight. 5:30am spin class will be here soon. I should've been in bed hours ago!!

{embrace the camera}

2012-01-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

we got a video of our sweet Eli.
Friends (new friends) of ours were in Ethiopia, at the transition home where our boy is. We gave them permission, and they took photos and a short video of our boy. I can't tell you the joy and immense sadness that I felt to see this video! It was just AMAZING.

You wonder about the sadness? Well, he was standing in his crib. I wanted to push him down. Like on that movie...(where Josh Duhamel and Catherine Heigl raise the baby and they push the girl down when she is about to walk, so one of them doesn't miss it...)....I don't want him to make any moves without me. I want to call out to him, "Hey buddy, momma is on the way. Please just freeze until I get there".
But clearly, that is ridiculous.
I want him to grow.
And learn.
And walk.
Well, maybe I don't "want" it. But since I love him, I want to see him growing and healthy.
How do I love him so much already?
This journey of adoption must be the way the Lord grows the immense love...just like a pregnancy..without the cravings and weight gain (hopefully).
Wish I could show you the video! HE IS PRECIOUS. His smile melts my heart. He is sleeping on "cars" sheets. Goodness, I want to squeeze his cheeks and look into his HUGE eyes. Don't even talk to me about the way my heart is being moved to adopt two...because the Lord would have to force me into it. Because that is clearly PSYCHO.

So, instead of showing you pictures of my boy...

I'm going to link up with The Anderson Crew. She also adopted from Ethiopia. A sweet girl named Elsa.
And she is an advocate of making sure you get photos with your children. Most of mine are self portraits with my phone. Whatev. You take what you can get.

Today is no different. I cannot hold my DSLR and do a self portrait. Usually I am kind of a stickler about naps in the crib. But he really wanted to be held. And these days won't last forever. So I strapped him on with the "sleepy wrap"...and pretty soon he was snoozin. So sweet. That baby smell is just MAGIC.

And then all bundled up before a run. Not that it is that cold in Georgia. But 30...that is pretty darn cold if you ask me. It's all relative, I suppose.

So this is all I have for now.
Happy Thursday to you!

Passports, tshirts...missing our boy..

2012-01-18T06:51:00.000-08:00

Hey friends.
So I showed you the picture of Eli's legs. :) I found out (this is CRAZY...or CRAY CRAY...which makes me laugh EVERY TIME I hear or see someone say it...) that the outfit he is wearing is the SAME OUTFIT that my friend Lesli's baby was wearing when they went to meet him for the first time (he was 12 months ish when they met him). I was asking Lesli about the outfit and she said it was 6-9 months. That made me feel way better. Finn wears 9 months of 12 months clothes now! Shoo...is it weird that I want him to stop growing until I get there? I want him to grow, I suppose I just want time in general to STOP! It is so tough to miss out on this time with him!

So, I had to take a passport photo for Finn. You wouldn't believe all the requirements. No hands holding your baby up, white background, baby can't be smiling, laughing, yawning, drooling, etc. Must be straight faced with mouth closed. Took me about 48 tries to get one that worked. His face is a tad pink and the background isn't perfectly white. But I just didn't have time to fix it all up. So...Finn is getting his passport app. turned in today. Pretty exciting. It takes 4-6 weeks for a passport and we are traveling in 8-10 or less...hopefully our timeline works out!

Shirts Available: They run a little small (because they shrink).
Brandon wears a L, but after a couple washes, it is pretty tight on his arms.
I wear a M or L, although pre pregnancy(chest) I wore a small or medium. TMI, sorry. Just trying to help you size yourself.
Here is what we have left:
Small: 1 green, 13 gray
Medium 4 blue, 13 gray
Large 8 green, 2 blue, 11 gray
XL SOLD OUT
2Xl 3 gray
If you want to go ahead and purchase a shirt, you can send a check (email me for my address at brooke(dot)whitis@gmail(dot)com.) or pay through the chip in link at the bottom of the blog. If you have a paypal account, you just click on it and it will take you straight there! Just write in the sizes and colors of shirts you want. I just sold five of the larges, but I don't know what colors, so get yours now! And help us raise a quick $1100 to pay for the rest of our referral costs.

If you are new to adoption, a referral from Ethiopia (the photo of the child and the info about him...costs $8000. Total adoption costs are close to $30,000. We have paid quite a bit already, and we feel confident that the Lord will continue to provide. Thanks for being a part of our journey.

And if you already have shirt, or don't really want one :) thanks for supporting us anyway, just by checking in and hopefully praying for us!

Sweet Eli,
I hope you are happy, healthy and safe today. I wish I was there with you. I wish time would stop until I could be by your side. I love you, sweet boy.
Love, your momma.

YESSSS!!! WE GOT A REFERRAL!!!!!! :)

2012-01-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

BIG NEWS!!! BIG, BIG NEWS! WE GOT A REFERRAL!!!!!
WE ARE SO EXCITED!! I don't know if we can tell his name, I'll have to check on that!
He is 12+ months. A little older than we thought...but just perfect.
I can show you his picture. Well, actually I can't.
I can show you a picture of some of him. You can't see his face, because that would be considered child exploitation until he is legally ours.
He is SO HANDSOME, I can tell you that!! He is just amazingly good looking. :)

If you are reading this and waiting for a referral, I am so sorry. I know what it's like to watch other people get theirs and wait for your own. We are beyond excited and a little overwhelmed to know we will be traveling in 8-10 weeks...could be less. AWESOME!!!!
If you aren't up on the way adoption works {pretty much if you haven't adopted or aren't adopting, you will need this lesson}...here is how it works
1. Do all basic paperwork, homestudy, fingerprints, etc.
2. Mail Dossier to selected country and wait.
3. Wait, wait, wait.
4. Wait some more.
5. Receive "referral" or paperwork that shows your child, information about them, etc.
6. Accept referral, begin paperwork to go to court to claim your child.
7. Travel to Ethiopia once you have a court date and travel approval. Meet your child!!! Go to court.
8. Once you 'pass court', the child is legally yours, but you cannot take them because you have to wait on papers to process the US Embassy.
9. You return back the US to wait. THE WORST PART.
10. Wait on embassy approval. WAIT seems so long. DREADING THIS PART! Could be 8-12 weeks...
11. Return to pick up child.
12. Return home and try to begin the new, challenging, amazing life with an adopted child.

We are on step 5.
Step 5 costs a lot of money :)
Now, let's back up.
So many people have been generous since we began our process of adopting.
I found the following timeline, and I wanted to share it with you.

Okay. What is today? January 16th. We got the referral last night. January 15th. So the updated timeline should look like this:

How neat is that?!?! We found out we were PREGNANT January 15th last year...found out we were "PREGNANT" with a child in Ethiopia...who is already a year old...on the same day, one year later. WOW. So neat. That is clearly from the Lord, nothing in our own power.
I sure wish you could see his face. He is so handsome.
Here is the deal. We have calculated with costs to travel (roughly $2000 per plane ticket, two people, two trips, plus probably an extra seat on the way home, plus 10% of our ticket for a lap baby...), referral fee $8000, costs to stay at the guest house, driver ($50/night), plus tons more small fees that you probably don't care to hear about...the total we have left to pay is around $24,000. Overwhelming, yes. The Lord has already provided $14,000 of that. We have already paid around $8,000. All this to say, we are trusting and believing that the Lord will continue to help us raise the rest.
We have a limited amount of t-shirts left. If we could sell all of these at $20, that would be $1,100 right there! Don't you need a t-shirt?? They are super cute...I will try to post a photo tomorrow.
I will post a list of available shirts tomorrow....and beg you to grab yours up!

Thanks for being excited with us. We are truly overjoyed. We cannot wait to meet him, bring him home, and make him a part of our family...

Adoption is not easy. Not cheap. Not what God intended. God intended us to be with the people that birthed us. But SIN is in this world. And sadly, it isn't always like that. There are children starving to death, or dying with no clean water. There are children dying of treatable diseases. So, we are going to push through some of the "hard" and the "expensive"...and the "scary"...because we feel like God has asked us to do that.

Am I scared? YES.
Am I possibly terrified to miss my best friend Hayley's wedding...in almost exactly 8-10 weeks from now....YES.
Am I scared to see how Eli will sleep? How he will eat? How he will transition into our family? ABSOLUTELY.
But I know that God has asked us to walk this road. So here we go!

Thanks for joining in the journey with us!

Farewell to a place we have loved...and hated...

2012-01-13T10:55:00.000-08:00

"We" will be out of the army in just a matter of months. The mixed emotions that come with that are surprising to me. I never thought I would love the Army as much as I do. It is shocking that I have made so many friends in the military. The military is such a unique place.

Where, in life, do you ever make friends with other women....spending every night together and all weekends together bonding over the fact that our husbands are at war...
When would you ever have the opportunity to take weeknight classes, "Holiday Treat making", "basic household tasks..", etc. NEVER if my husband was home, but I definitely did that with him gone!
We endured 4 (or was it 5?) deployments in five years. It has to be four, because one of them was 15 months long! We dealt with losing several great friends, watching children lose parents and wives lose husbands. We watched parents sit alone each night as they missed their spouses on long deployments and tried to raise their children alone.
We made great friends. We realized that the bonds you make during wartime are unlike any other bonds, for the husbands and the spouses at home.
We took road trips and had girl's night to keep ourselves entertained.
Who else understands it when you say, "My husband is in the woods this week" or "My husband will be in the field for the next month" or "He is TDY for three months this year" or.."He has worked until 11pm every night this week"..."Live fires this week, so he'll be spending the night at the range"..."We're going out to the dropzone to watch the jump".
Just bizarre, this life we have lived.
We realized that we were beyond blessed to be a part of the RGR community, as they are a group of people unlike any other. They are tough, hard core, family oriented, crazy, 'type a' and just all around WILD.
But...They rallied around us when we found out about Briar's fatal birth defect. They sent him home. FORCED him to stay home to be by my side. For that, I will be forever grateful. I called a girl who lost her spouse to tell her how sorry I was, and she proceeded to tell me how sorry she was about my sweet boy. That is the sort of family and community that we lived among.

When we got in {the military}, I couldn't wait to get out.
Now that we've been in, I don't want to get out!
It is clear to me that the Lord wants us to move on, or we would not. Brandon has been in his dream job for the last 7 years. Blowing things up, going after bad guys, and ministering to guys he works with.
Did I mention stable income and incredible healthcare?
Clearly, God has called us out of this job, or we wouldn't be leaving. Never did I think I would say that about the military. Gosh, how God shapes our desires into his own...

It is such an amazing thing to know that you are walking out of a place you are called to be...the military...into a place you are called to be more (right now)...we have LOVED the military. And I have loved the people I have met being involved with it. It is certainly not a warm, fuzzy place full of the easiest times in the world, but it is a special bond I wouldn't trade for anything.

So, farewell military world...we aren't leaving you until my husband's back gets straightened out...since all those jumps (out of airplanes with 50lbs attached to his back) and ruck marches for 15 miles with a 75lb pack have really messed him up :) We leave you with lots of great memories. Lots of special times, good and bad, with other families (our plt sgt {platoon sergeant} breaking it down at the military ball with the batalion commander's wife.....traveling to Arlington National Cemetery to honor one of our dear friends and fellow soldiers....introducing Briar to one of our favorite Ranger families (he only met two families other than our own)....knowing that my husband prayed for his guys before every mission...the doors the Lord opened....meeting friends at Captain's Career Course who came to really know the Lord and will be forever friends.... The memories are dear...we leave with tons of them.
I scanned this photo in. It has rips and tears in it. It is special. It is my man in his uniform, such a ironic picture of a lover of the Lord...but a fighter against the enemies of this world. Only going after the worst of the worst....whether you agree with fighting the battles our country has fought or not....the fact is...the military men of our country have been put on the line to fight for us. To fight for freedom, for peace, for all the things our country stands for. Whether they agreed with the actual reason for fighting or not. It is now a part of history. And as we leave the military, we are proud to take with us a little piece of that history.
But also proud to move on!

2011 in my phone...

2012-01-10T19:46:00.000-08:00

Before I had a baby, I really didn't take many photos with my cell phone. I have an android, so I can't do cool stuff like instagram (although I attempt with my ipad that doesn't have an app and has a bad camera...). Anyway, I have recently started taking phone photos, and I have decided that they are such a cool way to capture day to day life! The quality isn't as perfect, but I'm willing to sacrifice that to get the amazing moments captured. I have realized that nothing makes time passing more obvious than the life of a child. The growth that happens makes it so clear that time is passing, whether you want it to or not!

I've got lots of things to write about, I just can't seem to get myself together enough to blog. I'm working on getting a photography website up and running and trying to just enjoy my little man as much as possible. Will update soon! Happy 2012!

Times are changing!

2012-01-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

I know that I am not the best writer. Sometimes after i write a post, I almost go back and completely change it, but I have realized that there is beauty in my AUTHENTICITY. Which means letting you know how 'not' put together I sometimes am. And how my thoughts ~~sometimes always~~ jump around like crazy.

Mr.Finn is changing OVERNIGHT. So quickly things are happening. He just turned 3 months. He is batting at things that hang in front of him. Laughing and making noises. Playing with toys in front of him. He found his feet and hands. You will see in the two pictures below how he is just fascinated by his limbs :)

Finn also loves to blow spit bubbles. Oh, the talents this guy has already.
Often Brandon will look at me and say, "This is OUR baby!". It is sometimes still so hard to remember that we have a child that is ours! He is beautiful.

Then there is the immense growth of this guy. He is shooting up in height and weight. All his onesies look like the one below...he looks like he is wearing a scoop neck shirt :)

This guy is just beginning in this world...I can't wait to see what is coming.

This year I am doing some cool scrapbooking to document life.
I am trying to figure out how to print photos efficiently. I want to print the photos off my phone. How do you do that? Is there a way that you do that? Help :)

The year in pictures 2011

2012-01-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

WHAT. A. YEAR.

WOW!. We had our first child that we get to parent on earth. SO DARN EXCITING!!
We began our adoption from Ethiopia. We had so much fun watching Rebecca's Emma Jane grow up. We enjoyed our months with Finn in my belly. We visited Briar's hill in London KY several times. We were a part of many growth groups. We grew deeper friendships with several awesome people. We really started to feel like Columbus was HOME this year. This year held excitement (finding out we were pregnant), heartache (celebrating one year since we held our first boy), joy (starting the adoption), and some amazing miracles (finn!!). Six years of marriage were celebrated in December. It was the first year of marriage EVER that Brandon has been home all year, not deployed and not expecting another deployment. We had a wonderful year. We can't wait to see what 2012 has in store!

Rebecca's 30th Birthday in January, soon after, found out we were pregnant with Finn!

Met Natalie Filer in Feb and spent some time at the lake with her!
Our favorite Flitis time with the Flynn's ....every Thursday...and the life changing doggie door :)

EASTER at MYCHURCH was amazing. Eggs were dropped from a helicopter. It was wild...Jesus and his LIFE was celebrated.

Happy Birthday to sweet Kiera...and Happy Mother's Day to Momma...my father in law put a flower up at Briar's cross...

Got our "one less" tshirts (still have a couple left if you want one!!) and began raising money for our adoption!

Spent time swimming with Emma Jane, Rebecca and Noelle this summer!

Also enjoyed introducing sweet EJ to the lake! Clearly, she loved it :)

Released Balloons for Briar at our joint baby shower {with my sister in law)
Picture below is my momma and I in July :)
brandon and I at the farm in London, KY
In case you are wondering, there is an electric fence up there so Cows don't rub against it and mess it up. I didn't want a picket fence because I like being able to look up the hill and see the actual cross!

SItting in our window seat...you can see the belly...

Celebrating my birthday by celebrating one year of my sweet Son being in heaven. Happy Birthday Briar!

Ran a 5k at almost 42 weeks pregnant...on October 1st
Then got this sweet guy on October 2.

Happy Halloween from a pea and the pea farmer!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING. So much to be thankful for, with cousins who were born two days apart...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

This year was amazing. Full of awesome things! WELCOME 2012!

Waiting is not easy.

2012-01-02T19:56:00.000-08:00

A new year is here.
2012.

I am realizing that 2011 was a year of waiting for us.
Have you ever waited on something?
Life is FULL of waiting.
In one way or another, we are probably all ALWAYS in a season of waiting.
Some waiting is more 'predictable' than others.

When I say 'predictable', I pretty much mean, "We feel like we can control it more". Funny that the Lord is in control of all things, but we like to feel 'in control' of even the littlest things.

We waited on this guy for a while. Boy, he was worth the wait.

{the face he gives everyone in public...making them think he is a total serious sam..}

I know people that have waited on pregnancies (me included..)
People that have waited on a new job...
waited on a new house...for the finances or ability to purchase one
waited on a man (spouse..) to come into their lives, sometimes never seeing him come..
waited to get pregnant, sometimes years...
waited on a husband to get sober...never seeing results..
waited on a referral from Ethiopia..or any country...
WAITED.

In life, there are many things that you can make happen if you put forth enough effort. If you work hard enough, you can usually make things happen. Or at least it used to feel like I could. Growing up, if I wanted to be better at soccer, I practiced more. If I wanted to do better in school, I studied harder. In college, if I wanted more friends, I went out and made them...

But waiting on a child....or should I say "waiting on the Lord..on his timing...in all things", for that there is no guarantee on the time...
that is tough.

It is a lesson. Because truly, I was never in control. Only holding the brief illusion of control. Only to have it pulled out from under me.

We should have had our referral in November. Well, I was hoping for it in September..
It's january tomorrow.
No referral.
And my heart aches for that little boy. Sweet little Eli. Where is he? What does he look like? What is he wearing right now? Is he sitting in his own urine or is he one of the few lucky ones with a diaper? Does he have someone who gives him kisses?

I know we will know, in God's perfect timing. But my heart still aches. A good reminder. That the Lord never forgets us. Even when our heart aches. He knows.

As I rub little Finn's face to help him fall asleep (spoiled much?), I think of Eli. I pray for him. I want to cry, and sometimes I do...allowing my tears to drip down onto finn's pajamas. His clean, warm, dry pajamas. Because Eli, he is lucky if he even has clean, dry clothing. He is lucky if he gets picked up a couple times a day...much less has his face rubbed as he falls alseep. Why can't I just go to him now? Why can't I see his face? Oh gosh...so hard to wait.

Lately, we have been seeing commercials for the Aspca. I think it's an animal organization. it shows pictures of pathetic, sad, dying animals. And begs for your help.
These commercials make Brandon mad.
I had never given them much thought.
Because I love animals. I love dogs. I have one. I used to have two until my parents took custody of the other :) She is our baby.
But she is not a person.
Brandon loves Bella too. We will be heartbroken when she dies someday.
But she is a dog.
I am sorry if this offends you, but don't you think we should have commercials on tv about the starving children in AMERICA? The lack of clean water around the world? The extreme poverty happening in our favorite vacation spots? The ridiculous sex slave industry that little children are being victimized in...by American business men...in Costa Rica? The nasty, trash and feces ridden slums that house MILLIONS of people in places like India and Africa...and all around the world.

"Then [Jesus] said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field." Matthew 9:37-38

I guess you're in trouble. My soapbox has arrived.

These past couple of years have required a lot of waiting for us. Waiting on Briar. Waiting for our short time with him. Waiting to get pregnant again. Waiting on Finn. Waiting on Eli. Waiting on Finn some more...he was as late as he could have been....and Eli seems to be the same...

But we will rest and wait in the Lord's PERFECT timing. Because it is perfect.
I'm so excited for all the things that 2012 holds...waiting included...

a little bowtie.

2011-12-31T10:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, all you need is a bowtie to snazz up your outfit :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

{fave things}: Please host this party...

2011-12-30T21:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am finally ready to tell you about the party. :) Are you ready to be blown away?!

I have to tell you about this party. Because you need to have one.
We had it with a lot of our small group from church. If I didn't invite you, that was why..it wasn't exclusive, but just some friends that had talked about doing it.
It was SO worth doing.
If you like getting fun gifts.
Lots of them...
from people you like..
who have good taste...
this is the party for you to host.
It was super fun.
Funny.
Creative.
And just all around awesome.
Afterwards, I just kept saying, "Wow, that was fun!!".
My friend Stephanie was making fun of me, (since I hosted it with Rebecca, but kept saying how proud I was...) She kept mocking me, saying, "Wow, that party i threw was awesome"....I sure wasn't trying to pat myself on the back, i guess I was just shocked at how much I loved it.

Imagine, getting five gifts from five people that you like...that is what this party was!! When you get gifts from friends normally, you get one $20 gift....you would never guess that several $5-$6 gifts would be so special :) And all your friends are creative, or at least FUN...so the gifts reflected that! I was sad that I didn't get the gift every person brought. Some people made their gifts, some people brought one gift that equalled six dollars, some brought four gifts that added up to it. Some people brought things to eat, some brought things to use. One of my favorites....a mustache coffee mug...hand painted ;)

Rebecca and I had fun decorating...covering mason jars with lace and doilies and twine, sewing doilies for a garland, cutting burlap and stamping words on it...

As
As guests arrived, they grabbed five tags from the branches and wrote their name on each one. Then they dropped them in the bowl in the picture below. We stamped the words on the tags, but favorite didn't fit, so we had to go with "fave" :) The boys helped with that part...

A fun gift from Stephanie....a $2 gift card to circle K (to get a slushie), Kazoozles (because her dad used to buy them for her) and a lottery ticket. These were her (VERY CREATIVE) favorite things :) I didn't get this one, I was sad :)

Burts Bees lip stain... I got it..and wore it today!!

One of my favorites...a STARBUCKS GIFT CARD!! I got this one, lucky me!!

We went one at a time and explained why these things were our favorite. I brought a felt flower from Nest of Posies (different colors for each girl) and a little print about Christmas. Nest of posies was SO DARN SWEET. She didn't see where I had asked for them to be done by the party, so she OVERNIGHTED THEM! It cost as much as I paid for the posies, so it was practically like she gave them to me for free. This girl is KIND....go buy from her. The scarfs she sells are awesome!! She is closed for the holiday so you can go see her blog here. SUPER FUN.

Okay, go plan your party.
We are doing another one in the spring, it was so fun!

{the everyday}

2011-12-29T20:26:00.000-08:00

Some of my favorite things are everyday things. Snuggling. Paying Bills. Cooking.
Sometimes I forget to get photos of these things.
When Finn was about seven or eight weeks, I snapped a couple pictures of him doing everyday things with Brandon, and I made Brandon take some of us. Don't judge my messy cooking self. Or the fact that I am breaking a million safety rules by putting my child on the counter. Or the diet mountain dew that I shouldn't be drinking. Just don't judge...and appreciate that this is 'day to day'...and I want to remember it.

My goal this year, in 2012, is to focus much more on the everyday. The simple parts of life.
If I am going to be a stay at home mom, life is going to be a little less "EXCITING', but much more FULL. Meaning, there might be less big time events, but the little moments each day will be so much more special.

I'm pumped to change the way I document life.

Cooking with my man...

Surfing the net with Finn...

Snuggling and forcing kisses on our man...

Look at those fingers :)
I decided as I begin to change the way I photograph, I am going to try to change the way I document the year. I'm going to try "project life" this year. Every year I make at least one shutterfly book with random photos, but I have not been very happy with the quality of the photos in there. I love printing photos at mpix.com, and that is where I recommend everyone go when they print photos that I take.... so I plan on printing out photos once a week/every two weeks... and then sticking them in this book and journaling as I go. With this being the first year with a baby in the house, and Eli hopefully joining the family this year, I want to document life as it goes. I don't want to miss the everyday! Finn is changing SO FAST!

I am so happy that my "friend" Stephanie introduced me to Project Life. She is ridiculously creative, awesome...and also a really neat Christian Army wife. I happened to find her online. Realized her husband worked with mine and she lived near me. Stalked her. We emailed. Never met. Then realized we had mutual friends. Still never met. She moved. I still think she's awesome. End of story. But now you know what a stalker I am. She is not really my friend, but in my mind we are...

Watch out bloggers, I might call you my friend if we are not careful.

Oh, and no updates on Eli. Not yet.

This sweet boy

2011-12-29T19:50:00.001-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

My FAVORITE things....

2011-12-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness.I can't wait to tell you more about this fun fun party.( I blocked off the address so you can't stalk me... let's be real, I'm not that cool...but you never know)Actually, the address is a friend of mine, with a cooler house than mine, which is why I really have to block it.
I found the idea on pinterest (the place to find all fun things). I brought it up to my amazingly talented friend Rebecca. She is party planner extraordinaire. I knew she would be able to help pull it off. And she is my bff (yes, I'm in 8th grade)... Plus, the most amazing guy needs a fun birthday party ---> JESUS. Lots of people have parties for different holidays, which is great, but I felt like Jesus needed a party. Another post with pictures (that will not do it justice, because I was not in the photo mood...) to come.
Imagine getting FIVE amazing gifts...and wishing you got to take home one of everyone's gifts.....but feeling so lucky to keep getting gift after gift...
So, so fun.We might do another one in the spring, it was so fun.

2 months already...

2011-12-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

Wow, how he has changed ALREADY!

Crazy.

He is 10 weeks old today.

I almost can't handle it.

Seriously? Ten weeks? he will be three months in two more weeks.

GEEZ> time FLIES.

I feel like I haven't held him enough today.

The good news is, today is rare. I feel happy not to have many regrets about our ten weeks together.

I was just thinking that to have a small baby again, I have to go through a whole new pregnancy.

That doesn't sound fun. So I better just enjoy this baby even as he grows at an alarming rate.

Because I sure don't want to watch my body grow and stretch to new heights...right now..

If you got our christmas card, the top picture was on there.

{if you didn't get our christmas card, and you usually would, I am probably disorganized and can't find your address....so would you email it to me? brooke.whitis@gmail.com...i wish I were more organized, but I won't apologize for the way God made me. I try my best...}

Well, it was on one of them.

I made two Christmas cards because I have trouble deciding on things.

So one of them was more like a birth announcement.

And the other was a "merry christmas" card with the above photo.

Why am I even telling you all this? You don't really care!

Let me just show you sweet Finn instead. And some comments I made on his two month bday.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

The ministry team leaders in our church got together tonight. We prayed for one another.

We reminded ourselves that Satan wants to break up our core.

And we have to stay together, pursuing his ministry.

It was a lot of fun, and we made some neat memories.

I love doing life and ministry with the awesome people at our church.

Feeling thankful tonight.

A friend snuggled Finn all night. It was great. He needs to get more social.

NUMBER FOUR!!!

2011-12-08T15:05:00.000-08:00

We just found out that we are number four on the list for Ethiopia. For a child. A little boy. To join our family.

Oh. My. GOODNESS!.

Well, we found that out this weekend, but our homestudy update wasn't done, so I wasn't as enthused. Nothing could move forward until that was done. But yesterday our homestudy update was finished...and I feel like we are wheels down, ready to go...

And I am PUMPED.

Brandon and I are so hopeful for what is to come. God already knows the sweet boy that will be a part of our family.

It really hasn't felt real. It has all been so hypothetical. Not tangible.

But now it feels so much more real.

Soon we will have a picture to look at when we pray.

A picture to kiss goodnight.

I just can't WAIT.

In other news...Christmas is coming FAST and I have been thinking a lot about how I will present Christmas and Santa to my kids in the future. Obviously this year, it's not an issue. Finn likes to grunt and kick his legs...other than that, not much is happening at the moment. ;)

Sweet Finn...he is so much fun. And he smiles all the time now. But it's hard to catch on camera. When the flash goes off, he freezes!

But I read this post, from this girl...and I just related to it so much. How am I going to flip a switch when my kids are 8 or 10 years old and tell them to stop being so selfish and wanting gifts if we allow it to be about that when they are little?!

In case you don't want to read all of it, here is a snippet of some of my favorite:

What if a bunch of us pulled out of the system? What if we said something very radical and un-American, like: "Our family is going to celebrate Jesus this year in a manner worthy of a humble Savior who was born to two poor teenagers in a barn and yet still managed to rescue humanity."

I'm going to throw out some ideas for what I hope is a more meaningful Christmas; you may take some and leave some. Good reader, you may take none. Maybe you'll tweak an idea to fit your family. You might say, "For the love of Baby Jesus! She's ruining everything! We'll try one little thing this year, ok?! And then we'll quit reading her blog."

THen there is this:

gift-giving policy for each kid: Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. That's it. (This year we are adding something to give, and I'll talk about that in a minute.) Brandon and I don't buy for each other, and we draw names with our extended families, so each adult only buys one gift.

AWESOME. LOVE IT.

Hope you read it.

I couldn't say it better.

I am not there yet...but my heart lately has just been hurting for those in need.

So...how do I meet those needs?

Without driving around and looking for homeless guys?

Allow my kids to GIVE TO OTHERS for Christmas. Especially giving to the needy.

LOVE THIS IDEA.

Love that I am reading it before my kids are older. I already got rid of a bunch of my santa stuff this year. Not sure why, I just felt the push to do it, so I did.

I'm not against him...but is he really what I want my kids focused on?

Why would my kids want Jesus when they have Santa?

Heck, I am tempted to just "partially" buy into this.

But I really do think that this is where my heart is moving.

A christmas focused on those two teenagers that birthed the savior of the world...

in a little, nasty manger.

So many years ago.

There were three gifts that year, from three wise men.

Anyway...This is my soapbox for today.

On another note, we are going to Atlanta to the Pediatric Urologist on Tuesday. Apparently sweet Finn could have an issue with that kidney...we are going to do a more intensive look...

Please pray for that.

Also, I have a sweet friend who is dealing with some serious health concerns. My heart HURTS for her. I can't sleep thinking about it. She has two sweet babies. She is having surgery next week. I am so nervous, but knowing and beliving that God is good...but I am terrified and nervous...for her heart, her family, etc. Please join me in praying for her.

I'm asking you to pray for a lot. Sorry. But maybe it just begins the whole process of taking the focus off of ourselves.

Missing Eli, learning about giving.

2011-12-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

I miss my child.
Does that sound dramatic?
I don't even know him yet.
I don't know his face.
I don't know where he lays his head at night.
I don't know how old he is.
But my heart aches for him.

I know that once I have him, I might long for my family the way it was...the ease of having only one child. I am not naive to know that we have a hard journey coming...
But the Lord has pushed my (our) heart(s) to adopt, and there is no going back. There is no denying that we are bringing a little boy home from Ethiopia. Right now we are trying to wait patiently

The andersons adopted sweet elsa earlier this year. It seemed so dreamy and fairytale...but I know there are challenges ahead. She says it well. Scary. But honest. I am scared to death of having to choose to love my child...through some hard things. But, adoption is something that God has chosen to do for us. To adopt us into his kingdom. When we were orphaned, deserving NOTHING. He chose to send his son to die for us. So, I strongly believe that he has called the body of Christ to do something about the orphan crisis in our world. He says he will not leave us as orphans. I think we're called to reach out. And specifically, in our (the whitis family) case, we are called to bring one of these sweet babies home. And very possibly do it several times, maybe in the states next time.

There are tons of things I am scared about regarding adoption. Will love come naturally? What if he doesn't love us back? What if he remembers his biological mom and would rather have her? What if our child is not cute? Oh gosh, you know you've thought about it. What would we feel? Would it be like a biological child where you just think they are cute anyway? Or will I see his photo and think, "oh wow, he's not the cutest child.."... :) I know I will choose to love him no matter what, but I wonder what those emotions will be.

In other thoughts..

The Lord has really been pushing me lately. To give of my time and energy to the 'least of these'. I'm not being cheesy, I just really have felt burdened. I am looking for places in my town to invest, without just driving around and looking for homeless people. Although, i am going to buy some gift cards to mcdonalds, so at least I can give them out when they come up to me at the gas station (every day).
I think the urging to help was really pushed and challenged when I began reading this book.
Have you seen it? Kisses from Katie...
Maybe you have seen her blog? I have been following it for years, Amazima. You can find her blog there. Just incredible. And inspiring.

She inspires me to know God more. To pursue him more. Brandon and I both have a heart for international missions, as well as meeting needs in the United States. I wonder what that is going to look like for us in the next coming years. It may be California. It may be Africa. It may be Kentucky. Who knows...but my heart is to continue to pursue meeting the needs of those who are less fortunate. Katie makes me want to adopt ~~2 ,~~ 10...

Have I shown you these pictures yet? I probably have.
I took these (first two) when sweet Finn was one week? two weeks?
Oh gosh, I don't even remember anymore...

taken by sweet Jessica Flynn: Capture Photography

Oh gosh, even looking at these, makes me long to meet my sweet boy in Ethiopia before he gets too big...I want to meet him now...when he is brand new. Also: quick note; sweet finn has grown into his ears now :)

Firsts..

2011-11-28T14:33:00.000-08:00

my goodness, what whirlwind!
All kinds of firsts this week.

Today, was my first time to make Baked Oatmeal, and boy was it good!! Thank you Kathryn Means for the recipe!

This past week was full of firsts..
Our first airplane ride (also, Finn's first time nursing with his feet in someone's lap other than his dad...poor seatmate..)
Our first time nursing in public (on a plane and at the ATL airport)
our first time on a roadtrip (7 hours) with a baby!
Our first time meeting our cousin! Jackson was born two days after Finn, and is the son of Brandon's brother Jerad and our sister in law Alicia. Jackson and Finn even look a little similar. We are so excited to have them grow up together.
Our first time meeting sweet little Ethiopian boys and girls...at the adoption reunion through lifeline in Louisville. Made me so excited for the next couple of months!
Our first time shopping with gigi...and we ended up with lots of new clothes..for Finn.
Our first time with regular naps during the day (up until last week, I just let him sleep when he wanted...but eventually realized it was time to transition to more structured naps in his crib...)
Our first time meeting ALL of Brandon's family ...which was so much fun!! We even went to London, KY to see everyone...which was just wonderful!
The first time Finn smiled AT US....and now he does it very often...it is wonderful!
I am thankful for all these firsts, for the opportunity to have so many 'firsts' with my second boy.

I am thankful for my incredible husband, who loaded his poor self down with monster energy drinks to make the drive up to KY and then back again. I am thankful for the extra weight I am carrying around my middle that reminds me of a beautiful journey I came on to create this child!

Little man feet...

2011-11-23T08:32:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite parts of Briar were his feet.
They were huge for his little size.
He was adorable. the photo of his feet are still on my desktop of my macbook.

The feet together on the canvas. The set you see on the wall is the top set, Briar's feet.

sweet feet. Brandon and I always thought Briar's feet were huge. Then we did Finn's footprints, and we put them under Briar's. The vision for the canvas in that room is to have all three boys' footprints on there (Briar, Finn and Eli). Finn's look HUGE, thus making sweet Briar's look so small. I am not quite sure how that makes me feel. I liked feeling like his feet were big, because it made him seem real and substantial. Obviously he is real...was real...but as Finn is VERY real and PRESENT every day, it makes me miss Briar that much more and wish he were here every day.

Enjoying the moments with Finn helps me to realize all that I am missing or missed with Briar.
But every time I look back on that day with Briar, I am thankful. I recently had a girl reach out to me who was dealing with a diagnosis of anencephaly. It is not a journey I would wish on anyone, so it is tough for me to hear that someone else is dealing with it, but it is also really neat that the Lord has given me the opportunity to encourage others. The journey is tough, so I am happy to support people that are dealing with the loss of their sweet baby.

The moments with Finn are special because he is special. Time with him is not diminished just because I miss Briar, but there are the moments that I think back and wish that we got more time. I put this print in the nursery to remind me that I can CHOOSE to be happy, even in those moments that I miss my little man. "Today I WILL (indicating I will choose to be) be happier than a bird with a french fry"...now I don't know if birds love french fries...but there is something that makes me happy about this print. A little random, just like me...and just random enough to make you smile...

I got hats like this for Briar, and so I wanted to get them for Finn. I got bigger ones for Finn, but they didn't fit him. :) So they are still cute to hang, but he didn't really get to wear them.
Look at this sweet vest. Finn wore this home from the hospital. I can't believe how much bigger he is ALREADY!

I realize that this post is ALL OVER THE PLACE. But remember what I wrote yesterday? That is just my mind...so you'll have to be okay with it. :)

PS. have you ever decorated your nursery, and wondered why you haven't spent more time decorating the rest of your house? I love spending time in the nursery, which makes me feel like I should have beens pending more time decorating other rooms in my house. Hmm..

The way I work..

2011-11-22T06:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a major realization about the way you function?
Hanging out with my dad makes me realize that I am just like him!
My dad is awesome. But I will tell you that I notice the things about him that are hard for me....
I am interested in many things.
I am very creative minded, and very talented in some areas with my hands (working with things, crafting..his is more construction/woodworking and mine is more just crafty..)
We have lots of interests and love to research things.
But we are all over the place.

ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.

A typical trip through my brain in a given morning would be this.
Are you ready? You might be scared. You might respect me less.
I do not finish tasks.
I need some help learning to function with my strengths (creativity, thinking outside the box, etc...) while allowing my mind to FOCUS and accomplish tasks...

I am going to go to the kitchen to make some coffee.
On the way there, I see a dirty sock, so I take it with me to the laundry room, which is near the coffee maker. On the way to the laundry room, I see the computer and decide I should check my email. When I am checking my email, I realize I should probably check the bank balance. Ooh, I should probably pay bills while I am here, I think. When I walk to the desk to get the bills, I see a mess on the dining room table. I take that stuff to the sink and clean it. When I try to put the things in the dishwasher, I realize it is full of clean dishes. Oh, well...I need to return to the computer, I'll have to finish it later. I return to the email and notice an email from two days ago I haven't answered. When I am answering that, about halfway through, I notice I still have some photos up from last night on my desktop. They are so cool, I should probably work on them, I think. When I have been doing that for about 10 minutes, I realize I still haven't had any coffee. When I stand up, the sock falls out of my lap and I realize I wanted to take it to the laundry room. I stand up and take it to the laundry room and I notice all the clean laundry. I re-start the dryer and decide I should fold that load when I finish making my coffee, so I will warm it up so I can fold it and make it wrinkle free. When my coffee is done, I walk back to the computer, where I think I should go ahead and look for recipes for dinner. Instead of doing that, I notice my email open where I proceed to answer the last email I was working on. As I am answering that, I think about my frined Susie in California, and I think that I should check what she is doing on facebook so I can ask her that question I was thinking about, before I forget. Oh man, but what was that question? Oh gosh, I better go get my crying baby..... and that is the end of the task run around until I think of something new, and then inevitably make my way back to some/most of these tasks...

Seriously, no joke, that i just a glimpse.
As I wrote this blog post, I sat here, but I checked facebook, uploaded pics to facebook, tinkered with photos on Photoshop, came back to this post, went back to facebook, went back to photos, rocked my baby, got up to have a brownie (yep, I know, do I want to lose the baby weight or not?!), came back to the blog post, and now here I am.

If you are like me, and have found a way to be successfully productive and organized, will you help me? SOme of you are much more naturally 'task oriented"...where you must complete one before moving to the next (my hubby..). This is so much more efficient, but it is not how my mind works... but remember that I could take it personal...so be nice :)

A post isn't a post without pictures, and since I haven't shown you Finn in a while, here are some pictures back at five weeks (yep, a whopping two weeks ago)

A big belly... and a long torso, that makes our three month clothes not fit, at five weeks...

This round face makes me laugh. Looking at baby pictures though, it looks like pops (Brandon) had the same shape face as a baby!

And then where we like to hang out, on the floor of the nursery

New perspective

2011-11-21T13:28:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in a previosu post, you will get a brand new perspective when you have children (or I suppose any life change).
One main perspective changer was remembering back to March 2010.
When my husband nursed (or tried to..) our sweet friend Jess' little boy, Caed.
He is now two years old. In this photo he was under six months old....
Now that I have a child (that looks this size..) I can't imagine if someone allowed him to latch. Jess and Grant did not know us that well at the time. I CANNOT BELIEVE that they still wanted to be our friends. Seriously, I don't know why they did.

In fact, they wanted to be our friends so much, they (VERY INTENTIONALLY) asked us if we wanted to hang out every Thursday. We are pretty notoriously anti-commital to EVERYTHING, and I think we were nervous about this, but we agreed. We called it FLITIS (a mixture of Flynn and Whitis)...and it was/is AMAZING. It was life. Some weeks were SUPER MESSY and some were just picture perfect. Some dinners were burned and some were amazing. Some bedtimes were easy and some were whiny. They taught us so much about intentional, loving parenting and discipline. They taught us about intentional friendship. Pursuing a consistent friendship with people is IMPORTANT. Life gets in the way if you're not intentional. I think I am saying "was" because there remains a very sad fact that rings true for every army family at some point, or many points in the journey they travel. It is time for them to move. In one part of my heart, I am OVERJOYED at what the Lord has for their family in Texas. I am eager to see how he is going to use Jess and her gifts in a different way. I am eager to know how they will serve and plug in there...but I could not be more sad to lose such an amazing friend in my day to day life. Jess and Grant are awesome at SKYPE...and do so with their friends and family in Kansas City..but it is not the same as "doing life" every week...

Jess taught me a ton about photography and being a creative mind...and that is not all bad. In fact, I have seen her business and her creativity just blossom and grow so much the past couple years. IT has been awesome to watch her value herself and her work how it should be valued. I have gone on shoots with her and observed her awesome style of photography. I loved watching the way she parented her two sweet kids...and how she just gave her heart to them every day....even if it meant being consistent in disicipline and in schedules...but also flexing when necessary.
We realized that two creative minds would work HORRIBLY if we tried to be productive, but AWESOME if we tried to accomplish something cool...
Grant and Brandon are two manly, Godly men...and I loved hearing them talk about parenting, army, ministry, etc. They built each other up...and I loved that.

One of the best gifts Jess ever gave us was photographing Briar's birth and his hours with us. It was amazingly special and I am FOREVER grateful for it. She is one of the VERY FEW people that met Briar. She has seen both of my natural deliveries (if you have done this, you know it's a very..shall we say...vulnerable spot...words are spoken and noises are made that you really don't want even your nearest and dearest to experience...). She cries when she remembers Briar and it makes me think that there are other people who valued him and thought he was real and beautiful. This is one of the best gifts I could ever have.

I had her come for Finn's birth as well. She also took newborn pics and maternity pics.
Spoiled, much?! She is such a gift to us, not just because of her amazing, breathtaking talent (Which yes, is a factor) but because of her deep understanding of who we are, and the way she makes that come through in the photos. For example, the awesome globe below..we want to do a globe photoshoot when we bring Eli home, but we did something cool with Finn too...almost reminding him that we want him to be in the world, but not of the world...we want him to have a heart for the nations...and for orphans...but most of all..to know that he is so LOVED.

These are just a COUPLE of the amazing photos that Jess has taken...I will share more another day, but I felt like I needed to do a post on the amazing people that have taught us so much about life and Godly living. I have been praying for disicpleship, but in this friendship, I truly feel like I have been able to see some "Life on life" discipleship.
Discipleship in my mind is a relationship where you can gain knowledge and insight in your walk with the Lord. Taking a step closer. That is what I feel like I could do when I watched her and the way she prayed for her kids, her husband....she is awesome. See photos below for proof.

In and Out

2011-11-20T20:17:00.000-08:00

Life.

BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you JESS FLYNN for the photos!

I'm so lucky to have this for Finn. Such a cool memory, carrying him for all those months. This picture was taken PAST 40 weeks...and the other photo was taken when he was a little more than a week old.

I wish that I had this for Eli. Things are so different in the context of adoption. You hope and you dream and you pray, but it is not tangible. It involves a ton of waiting and paperwork. A little bit of confusing self modification and evaluation, as people come and evaluate your home and your life. Adoption involves a TON of faith. You basically commit to doing it...and then realize there will be no reward that is visible for quite some time. I am not saying I am perfect at this, but I am truly trying to wait in faith.
I have friends that tried to begin the foster care process as we began our adoption. They still haven't received a child! Talk about waiting in faith...everyone assumes doing things deomestically, things will be quicker...
I have been really getting impatient (see, I'm so good at waiting in faith...) since I had Finn.
I needed something tangible. So Finn and I got on a plane to Kentucky. My six week old baby and I had to figured out how to do this flight on our own bc Brandon had to work this coming week (it was successful, despite nursing on this prop plane with my baby's feet in my seat mate's lap). Saturday I went to a reunion for families that have adopted or are in process of adopting through Arise for Children/Lifeline Adoption Agency. I was filled with a room full of people that love the Lord and have a heart for adoption. These people have a heart for orphan care. So many people in this room had already adopted, mostly from Ethiopia.
The colors of people in this room...it was a beautiful room that looked like the kingdom of God. It was full of different cultures, ethnicities and families. A single mom, adopting her second child from Ethiopia, a family adopting two ethiopian siblings to add to their four biological children, a sweet friend who just brought home their little boy eight months ago.. who turned two this weekend...

As we walk through the adoption journey, I rejoice as we wait.
Knowing that the Lord's timing is perfect.

We have been waiting for our referral for {SIX MONTHS}.
I am trying to be patient.
The wait was supposed to be 3-6 months. I thought it was when we sent our dossier {March} that the time started.
But the time didn't start until it arrived in Ethiopia {May}.
Dang it!
November marks 6 months.
But we had to update our homestudy to reflect our new child.
So we wait.
But we have a beautiful distraction as we wait.
Sweet Finn.
As I wrote that, I almost wrote "sweet briar".
I suppose that is appropriate.
As I remember him each day, I think of his two big brothers...
the one that lives here and the one in Africa.
And I think just how lucky we are!

Mini Vans and Mom Jeans

2011-11-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

Well, when you enter the stages of being a mom, sometimes you eat your words, I am realizing.
Brandon and I were married for almost six years before we had Finn. In that time, MANY of my friends had kids. In that time, I came up with many philosophies on how I would raise my children. Dare I say, I passed judgement on choices they made, "Oh, they are doing great, but I would do it this way..."
Oh goodness, talk about eating your words!!
Even with a six week old, I can tell that things will change/have changed.
I mean, look at my blogging...pretty pathetic. My house...a mess!My laundry...sitting there..Finn's room...things everywhere.My vehicle: a MINIVAN.Oh yes, we did.
Judge. Judge. Oh, the cloud of pity I put over any of my friends that chose to drive a VAN when they had kids. Oh, they have entered "that" phase. It won't be me, I said. I will drive the beautiful, cool SUV and blow all the other moms away with my awesome style. I will be the "cool" mom who is still cute and in shape and I will drive an awesome car...
Then, we got pregnant for the second time and began adopting. And we thought about practicality. We thought about gas mileage (hello, I just quit my job...) and I still said NO. NO way. Small SUV with a third row, I said.
My husband went to look at a Ford Freestyle in Atlanta. A nice, small SUV with a third row. perfect for our quickly expanding family. He took with him a friend of ours who had two kids in one year, one by birth and one by adoption, and then quickly got pregnant with the third. He had experience in the journey we were just starting to enter.
When they got home from this trip, they had no vehicle with them.Instead, my husband comes back talking about the wonders of the minivan...and why we MUST have one.I told him, "I know this, but I choose the harder life...just to be cool and save my pride".He continued to push.And if you know him...when he gets his mind set on something...its' over.He wouldn't stop talking about the merits of the van.And his search began for a honda minivan.I would like to say that I was pulled on this journey kicking and screaming..A couple weeks later, we are driving this home from atlanta.

A Honda Oddysey. I like to call it "the hoddysey"
It took me a while to warm up to her."Do you want to drive the new car home?"..my sweet husband asked.."NOPE", "I'll drive the truck", I quickly responded"Good, I am excited to drive it", he said"Well, you can drive it everyday, then" came my quick response"Sure!" was his perky answer, but the next day the van was mine. No longer did I have the dreaded jag wag (jaguar station wagon that embarrassed me for totally different reasons...I was driving a JAGUAR..hello POSH...and it was a WAGON...come on now..)The first couple times I drove it, I parked far, far away from where I was going.I got out quickly and distanced myself from the van, afraid to be associated with that horrendous beast.I mean, I was pregnant with no living children...and I had a VAN.
But as the days went on, and my belly grew, I realized that it was right at waist level, and I could slide right it. to get into the jag, I had to do a deep squat and to get into the truck I had to heave all my energy into my left side to hoist myself up onto the seat. I realized that the sliding doors were pretty slick...and easy. I realized that I could maneuver that puppy into tight spots. I could walk through the whole vehicle. It was leather...it was nice...
And now, we are best friends. It is so easy to get Finn in and out. It is large...I can walk to the back to get Finn's paci at a stoplight when he is SCREAMING and I am more upset than he is...I can easily nurse in the back, and I could watch a movie if I wanted to...
So, judgement removed, minivan moms.I am proud to be a hoddysey driver now.
Mom jeans? I can't do it.Although I am not quite looking the same in my own jeans..and might still be trying to get back in my favorite pair of normal jeans (BOO to the people who walk right back into normal clothes...I worked out my whole pregnancy, people...)...mom jeans just won't happen.
Then there is the question.
What do I do all day? I feel like I am constantly busy. Mostly holding him...feeding him...changing him.Because people say, "hold them, it goes by too fast"So I am.And do you know what? I'm not going to feel guilty about it.These moments are fleeting.Quickly passing.And they don't come back.Unless I have another baby.And right now, that is the last thing on my mind! Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to leave my husband to figure out his own dinner every night and just sit on the couch cooing to my baby. But certainly there might be nights where that happens :) Time is already FLYING by. And I just don't want to miss any of it. I am going to let him sleep in my arms instead of putting him in the swing. I am going to take pictures of him every morning. I am going to do some silly things that I won't have time to do with my next one (sadly)...Your first baby (I hesitate to say that, because he is not my first, but my first living...such a hard balance...I definitely remember Briar SO MUCH, but that is for another post) is so lucky because they get ALL of your attention. So many moms say, "Well, it won't be that one with your second"...and they are probably right, but I hate them for saying it. Because I want my second and third to get the same that Finn gets. But it will look different.And right now, time with this sweet guy is flying.I already have a 15+lb baby...and he is six weeks old.
He isn't tiny anymore. His feet are hanging off my body when I nurse...if we don't have a pillow, he is kicking things halfway to the ground... I already feel like I'm nursing a toddler..

This is my view from my nursing chair. {I finally got cool and used an app on my phone to take a cool vintage-y picture..up until now, I have just taken "normal" photos...} I don't always nurse here, but at night it just seems right. I turn on the sound machine, swaddle him up, sit in our corner...and it is always his longest nurse of the day...usually close to 45 minutes. Occasionally Brandon will come back and talk to me (we moved another chair into the nursery just for this purpose). Some nights when I am extra tired and have lots to do, I think, "Goodness, when can I get out of here and get on with..." but then I look down at the sweet boy who I have the privilege to feed, and I think that there is nowhere else I would rather be. The Lord is so good to allow such a gift.
I don't blame anyone who chooses to formula feed. Breastfeeding takes SO MUCH TIME...and ties you to your child. Sometimes I feel so trapped in these three hour blocks of time, cut to two hours by the actual feed...minus getting ready and getting out of the house....
But I continue to come back to the point that it is SO worth it. And, that it is just a season.A short season.So I am taking advantage of every moment of it.So if I am absent a bit, I'm sure you'll understand.Because this feels like it was YESTERDAY.

Si

One month...

2011-11-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it has happened.
I have become one of those people that only writes about their kids.
What was my life before this?!
Just kidding.
I still have lots going on.
LOTS.
I mean, I only wear nursing bras.
Every outfit I wear revolves around whether I can yank it up or pull it down...involving lots of elastic around the boobs...
My outings last about 1-2 hours...so I can get home to feed..
I often skip going to places now that I would have gone to before, because I don't want to haul the car seat out..
I sometimes find poop on my arm or hand, and I wonder how long it has been there...(yes, true..)
I measure my life success in the weight of my child.
Just kidding.
Not really.
Well, yes, I am kidding.

But, let me tell you, parenting has by far been the most fun thing I have ever done.

And my life will and DOES go on. We just have a new member to our family. And I am figuring out what life looks like with him here. What does photography look like? What does our marriage look like? What does family in general look like with this new member? A little different, but super fun...

Today, we had our homestudy to amend things to show that we now have an additional child in the home.
SO EXCITING.
This means that Eli will have a brother...
And when I think about that...going to meet Eli and going to get him...it just sends me into a huge smile.

I find myself praying for him as I pump milk for him every morning. Anticipating the time that he will be home to have it. Maybe it won't be soon...but it will happen.
I can't wait for that time.

For now, I am going to enjoy Finn and the changes he is making every day.

And pray for his brother around the world.

And when I push my double jogger and someone asks where the other child is...maybe I will just say, "in Africa"... {no, I am not jogging with a four week old, just saying...when I do..}

Have you prayed about it...

2011-11-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is all.
I have been very convicted lately, since I had Finn...
Am I really seeking the Lord in the way I parent? Or am I simply trying to do it on my own?

In a growth group I went to right before I had Finn, we talked about the abiding mom and the super mom. The abiding mom is following Christ while the super mom is following the world's idea of being a great mom. Considering that I already find myself feeling like I am a bad mom when my child is fussy, I know where I fall at the moment. My goal is to trust the Lord each day and each moment, KNOWING that I do not have what I need to raise this child apart from God...after all..what I want for him is a heart that loves the Lord and loves people...

SO...here it is. It is actually from a cool blog called "Confessions of a Homeschooler", but I wanted to show it to you here. It is so easy to find ourselves finding our self worth in the accomplishments or behavior of our children (Yes, even our four week olds...), and not in the Lord. My prayers is that when I correct Finn in the future, I will be teaching him to be Godly, not just "GOOD". That is a hard thing to remember.

Even as I go through my days now, my hope is to always be reminded of the joy I have in my life....and the blessings. To find my joy and my self worth in Christ, and not in the success or behavior of my kids...or the perfection of my house...or the job I have {or don't have..}...

Every day in November, my friend Rebecca and I are going to share things we are thankful for. We are both {attempting} to read the book "one thousand gifts"...so it is a good motivator to have thankful hearts.

Today mine was I was thankful to have a sweet boy sleeping on my chest. A healthy, sweet boy.
As I took pictures of my sweet friend Kelsey's little guy, 3 weeks younger and less than half the size, I was reminded of little tiny Briar...and overcome with thankfulness that we got to know him, and then reminded of how blessed we are to have this healthy boy here to raise. It reminds me what we are missing with Briar, but makes me that much more thankful for this little guy.

Finn's First Four Wheeler Rides

2011-10-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

If you were watching as we waited for Finn, I did some interesting things to get him to come...
One of those things was taking a four wheeler ride on our friend Bryan's parent's farm.

We had a great time, but Finn stayed put another two weeks after the ride. IT turns out he really likes the four wheeler (ATV off roading vehicles..)

At about three and a half weeks old we returned to the farm and decided it was time for his first ride. Strapped to his momma's chest, and buckled in, we took a very calm, slow (but bumpy) ride around the property. It lulled him right to sleep!

I have decided that if I am going to be a mom to boys, I am going to have to learn to loosen up. My first reaction to this idea was "ABSOLUTELY NOT"...but Brandon gave me a few days and I decided a slow ride would be fine. This will undoubtedly be the first of MANY wild things that our child will do. Most of them much less safe than this, in my arms...

So, for now, I will cradle my sweet guy as we begin our life full of family adventures. :) It is important to me that we always build memories for our boys...so this is the beginning..

The first four weeks...

2011-10-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, Finn will be officially four weeks.
Wild!

We are taking him to a farm. He might or might not ride the four wheeler. After all, it was four weeks ago that he rode it in my belly :)

Happy Saturday to you!

Sunday, Finn will be four weeks old. Wednesday it will be an official month. Just crazy....

My life is forever changed by his little life.
I often pray for his future. That the Lord would use him for big things!

S

The weeks are flying...

2011-10-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

It is wild how fast life goes by when you have a child.I don't think it slows down.EVER.

I remember when I lost Briar, time did not fly. It seemed as though time dragged.Because I was missing the baby that should have been home with me.We went to Europe when it has been two and a half weeks...right now it has been only four weeks and I can't imagine that we would have been two weeks into our backpacking trip this time last year. CRAZY.
Now, I am consumed with time spent with sweet Finn.
I LOVE IT.
I love being a mom. It is unlike anything I could have imagined.I have been a mom for over a year, but I have had nothing to hold to remind me...Photos were all I had to hold...
Now I have a sweet, sweet boy.Sometimes I sit in the nursery after feeding him and i just cry...thinking how lucky I am to have him. It is quite a responsibility!And another one in Africa, who I pray for all the time. I wonder if he is born ...he probably is...where he is right now. Is he safe? Is he with his mom? Is he hungry?
We should have our referral in the next couple of months. We are so excited to find out his age.
With my sweet 12lb 9oz baby (as of Thursday morning..3 weeks, 4days), I have a feeling he will probably be bigger than his brother, even if his brother is older... :)
Some photos for you to check out. In case you want to see some more.. go see them on my friend Jess' blog..

Look at my chin...you have to say this is handsome!

Who does he look like? I don't think he looks like either of us...

Has it already been two weeks?

2011-10-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

Somehow, my sweet child is already two weeks old.

I can't handle it! He is so sweet.
Parenthood is not what I thought it would be. Not in a bad way....but FOR EXAMPLE:
I thought I would be a parent who was laid back when my child cried....because babies cry and that is normal...
But, I turn into psycho mama when my baby is crying. Do you need food, sweet child? Do you need to be held? What do you need? I am CRAZY. What happened to the laid back me...that could just let my baby chill out..? Nope...that parent is NOT me...

I thought that I would be a parent who would pass my baby around to anyone that wanted to hold him. Germs help the immune system build up, right?! Well...apparently that part of me quickly disappeared as well...because I don't want people to hold him...for two reasons...first because I love to hold him....and second because I don't want their germs to get him. ESPECIALLY when it is a ton of people. It is not as bad when it is just a couple people...but GOODNESS...what is wrong with me?!?!

Is it because I lost a baby? I don't know...I just don't know...
But either way, I'm holding this baby tight today...and I'm so thankful that he is two weeks old... :)

All I can tell you....

2011-10-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

is that I am OVERJOYED to announce that we welcomed our sweet little boy into the world last Sunday, following the 5k race. We are typical new parents, trying to get our feet on the ground...loving that everyone wants to celebrate with us. We feel so lucky to have sweet Finn. More (better) photos to come!!

41 weeks, one day :)

2011-10-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well, now that we are 41 weeks, 1 day...I have given Finn this..

He is EVICTED. but he is not listening.
Just like my renters in North carolina didn't listen when we tried to evict them. They just left in the night...and didn't tell us...so we had to wait for it to be the legal amount of days to legally rent that house out again. I wish Finn would just leave in the night. Any night.
Tonight, maybe?

But he is happy...look at him...

If you have facebook, you have already seen this, but Brandon and I decided to run the Mogadishu Mile today. It was a 5k to commemorate and remember the 19 Rangers who died during the Black Hawk Down mission in Mogadishu 18 years ago. Now, by run, I really mean walk/run. :) Every time there was a down hill, we ran :) We also ran the first half mile. So...finishing in about 45 minutes. I always feel a little lame finishing in such a slow time...but it was super fun to see lots of our old friends from Ranger Bat...and the run was just a good time!

And spending time with this guy just makes me happy!! My hubby is just an amazing man. So supportive and sweet and kind. He is awesome, and I know he is going to be the BEST dad to our boys. He is equally excited to get our referral for Eli as he is to meet Finn...and I agree. I am glad that the Lord has placed adoption in our hearts, and has kept us excited about it even through this pregnancy!

So, hopefully any day now I will be in the hospital to meet him. They won't let me go past next Friday...so that is the light at the end of my tunnel! :)

Nursery Sneak at 41 weeks..

2011-09-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

That was the before and after of the onesie. I wanted it to stay a little more dark gray...but like I said before, the bleach should have been in more of a squirt gun form. I had it in a big spray bottle. I just ironed the letters onto my dyed onesie, then used the spray bottle with bleach to spray it, and then immediately washed it off. Even immediately washing it off, it already got this light. I will try again, for sure. Not a total failure.

Today is officially 40 weeks and 5 days of my pregnancy.
I never thought I would be here.
But I'm doing just fine.
I did have a minor meltdown to Brandon today.
But, hey, lots of hormones flying around here. I think that is to be expected. Sometimes I just don't know if he is ever coming out. But I have to chill out when I start to get like that.

He is coming.
Just maybe in his own timing. Which is FINE. And a good lesson to me. We talked about that. HUMILITY.

In fact, it has been funny because in stores, when people ask when I am due and I say, "Last Friday" they actually have the opposite reaction they used to, "Oh girl, you are doing great! You look awesome! I can't believe you are out running around, you look wonderful". So, I have decided what to do during the next pregnancy. Around 30 weeks, just tell people you were due last week. Then they will be nice to you instead of telling you that you are huge.

YES! Problem SOLVED!

This is a sneak peek of Finn's room. For some reason, I still don't feel like it is totally how I want it, but that is probably because I will always be changing it. I will take more pictures when I have my other lens to do it. The 50mm doesn't work perfect in a dark, cramped space.

Off to deliver some meals to friends, neighbors.
My sweet, 90 year old neighbor passed away this week (so sad...but exciting to know she is rejoicing with her savior!), and her 65 year old son who lived with her is pretty lonely. So, I'm taking him some things and then taking another friend a meal. Her baby had surgery last week. Actually, sort of a prayer request thrown in here...he had surgery on a kidney issue...and Finn has a tad bit of extra fluid on his kidneys...so secretly I think I'm a little scared he could end up with that. Although tons of boys have this issue and it self corrects once they are born and pee regularly outside the womb.

So anyway...you can be praying that Finn's kidneys would just flush themselves out as he stays bundled up in my tummy :)

Briar's Celebration

2011-09-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

We celebrated on our {shared} birthday...September 13th...
I am a little late in posting about it. :)
I don't need to tell you that it was pretty special to celebrate the one year of losing Briar.
Because we also choose to CELEBRATE his life, rather than focus on loss.
He is living an eternal life with our savior.
TO LIVE IS CHRIST and to DIE IS GAIN...Phillipians 1:21
Although hard to grasp, and hard for a momma to FEEL it...I know that our life is not about us, but about the GLORY of GOD. So, in some way, I think that this serves to bring God eternal Glory.

I cannot believe it has been a year.
So hard to believe.
I see my friend's baby that had the same due date as Briar and sometimes I think that Briar should be that size, and should be here to greet Finn.
But I know that our family is forming just the way the Lord intended it.
And Briar was a special part of our family and always will be.

Someone was introducing us the other day at our growth group and they said, This is Brooke, Brandon and Briar...oops, I mean Finn Whitis...
It made me feel SO GOOD.
He is not forgotten.
His name is still spoken.
He is part of our family.
Even if he isn't here to really be a part of our day to day life.

We had the one year celebration at the boat club, the same place we had the original celebration. Same color balloons. It was a beautiful night. After we released balloons, all the kids played in the water as the sun set. It was such a peaceful, beautiful night. Just perfect.

PHotos taken by my sweet, incredibly talented friend KATE WHITMORE. thank you, kate. love love love them.

Happy one year birthday/anniversary in heaven, baby briar!
love, mom and dad and brother finn

Past the due date.. :)

2011-09-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it's past midnight. So I guess I am officially past my due date :) I am sitting here wide awake at 1:40am. Last night, I was having strong contractions and thought I could be in labor. Tonight, I went to my midwife's wedding (which was gorgeous and so special!!), hung out with friends, and began feeling extremely uncomfortable. Why? Well, my throat hurts (might be getting the virus my hubby has..) and I feel like I have restless BODY syndrome. I will be sitting here and need to move my legs, but then suddenly my arms and body just all feels uncomfortable. It is almost as if my body is saying "I just can't be comfortable anymore...". No problem. This is all a part of the journey.

The Lord is really working on my pride lately.

I suppose I just felt entitled to have the baby early. Like I "deserved" it because I lost a baby last year. Goofy, silly thinking. But, I suppose when we are prideful...that is what we are! We don't "deserve" anything in this life. Sometimes I get so annoyed about the entitlement of our society...until I remember that I live here too...and totally struggle with the same things!

I feel like continually, every day, God shows me scripture or shows me a sweet friend who will remind me of something that reveals my intense struggle with PRIDE.

Either way though, I feel like the Lord has given me a peace to remember that this baby WILL come...eventually :) So I am just waiting...

If you have facebook, you already saw this...but I tried to shake the baby out with some ATV riding. It didn't work. :)

I have also been crafting a bit. I got this idea from Ashley Ann too...using a spray bottle with bleach to try to show something you have blocked off of a shirt. I got a little too much bleach, so I will use something a little different next time...like a squirt gun instead of a big spray bottle. But...it was a good try?!

Just waiting for him to get here now...

Feeling Pukey...

2011-09-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Which is always awesome :)
Not throwing up, but feel super nauseous. Reminds me of the beginning of the pregnancy. :)

When I was checked today at the doctor, my midwife said, "It looks like you will probably be at my wedding tomorrow...as much as I hate to say that"

You see, she is getting married on my due date. And that makes both of us sad, because I really wanted to be there...but I also wanted her to deliver my baby BEFORE she leaves for a week long honeynmoon.

That isn't going to happen.

But luckily, Julie and Courtney, the other two midwives, are awesome. So I don't feel overly sad about not having Melissa...assuming I go into labor tomorrow. And I am so excited to make it to Melissa's wedding.

And on the other hand, I could hold on until she gets back. I sure hope not, but it is very possible.

Going to try NOT to feel nasty. :)

I thought you might like to see this cute, free printable...that I found through pintrest.

Crafts and my birthday

2011-09-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

What a week it has been. I truly thought I would have a baby by now.
But honestly, I feel like I am being taken through a really neat journey of waiting.
So, as we continue to wait on our boy in Ethiopia and wait on this guy...
It has been special...I don't feel bad...I am comfortable...and although I am eager to meet sweet Finn..
I am fine to wait. The Army has prepared me to wait.
And realize that I am not in control! :)

I had a really great time on my birthday...celebrating sweet Briar with a balloon release and hung out with our friends. I thought that once that was over, I would feel released, and so would Finn...to come meet us. Little did I know...he seems to be a late arriver, just like his mom :)

It is two days before my due date now...and I am guessing he is going for a late arrival. The only bummer about that is my midwife is getting married on Friday (my due date)...soI will have one of the other (wonderful) midwives to help me. Unless I wait a whole week late...and then she will be back from her honeynmoon!! hahah!

While I have been waiting, I have been making some things. One thing that I made was following Ashley Ann's tutorial. She made a cat eye onesie for her little girl, but I decided Finn needed something different. I decided our guy would wear aviators. I found a photo online of the size glasses I wanted, then traced them onto my fabric. My fabric was already ironed on to the heat and bond. It made it much easier to trace and cut out.

I decided that the color was boring. So I dyed the onesies blue...and then tried again with shiner fabric. Because aviators are supposed to be shiny!! The photo here is not shiny...I tried again after this one!

I'm going to take a walk at the gym...trying to continue getting this sweet little guy to move out!

Have a wonderful day!!
Brooke

{Humility.} Such a good trait.

2011-09-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your sweet comments about my little man.
I tend to think he is pretty handsome. I miss him a lot {understatement}, but I am thankful to have the memories of him. He was created so perfectly.
We had a wonderful celebration of him on our birthdays. A balloon shot here. after the release. KATE grabbed a couple more pictures I will share in the future.

Oh goodness.
The Lord and I are having some fierce communion lately. Sometimes with my spouse, I call this fighting. But, let's just say we are having some good, strong communion. Not sure what his plan is for little Finn...but I would love it if Finn would come to meet us all. But I am constantly reminded that his timing is not my timing.
Lucky Dog, I am finally at the point where my ankles have swelled. I told my mom that my ankles look like Dad's do after a day on his feet. She said, " so you have cankles?"....
Exactly.
It is very pretty.

I feel like the Lord is constantly refining and shaping me, just like he does when I struggle with body image when I am NOT PREGNANT.
My sweet friend who was tiny to begin with just had her baby. She was due two days after me. When people would see us together, they would always say (to her) "You are so tiny!"...hahaha...thus I received the opposite quiet message...
I am so darn happy for her, and her sweet boy is just the cutest. He is so snuggly and she had a wonderful delivery. They should be going home soon and I can't wait to hang out with them as a new family of three!
I think my sister in law (who is due in October) is going to have her baby before I am...which will be wonderful (they say he is healthy and ready, and she is already dilated and effaced..).

But I might be lying if I said I didn't want to go ahead and meet my guy too.
And that maybe I struggle with jealousy that I don't carry my baby looking like a cantaloupe instead of an extra large watermelon.

Yesterday, a nice gal said, "Are you only having one baby?". bwahahahaha....
I work out {every day}, I don't eat horribly...

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me super humble.
Obviously my heart wants to feel like "the best" and have pride in who I am in MYSELF. And he constantly brings me back and reminds me that I should be finding my identity in him...not in my body, the way I carry a baby, my intellect, or any other superficial thing....

THe other day I went to a bible study. On my birthday. It was just wonderful. We talked about how to hear God's voice. I needed it. The woman who taught it reminded me of Beth Moore. Speaking with authority over scripture...but with carefully chosen words.
The women there were just so well put together. They were mostly stay at home moms to wealthy husbands. The bible study was in a home that was perfectly decorated by an interior decorator and probably cost upwards of $500,000. There I sat with my unpolished toes in flip flops...and as I looked around at the beautiful pedicured feet in sandals and flats....I tucked those little feet under my chair. ;)
The Lord constantly has to humble me and remind me that this world is not about "STUFF"...and if I allow myself to get consumed there...I will not be running after him with my whole heart.
But goodness....talk about feeling that to the core of my being.
I am a little bit 'stuff' oriented.
I like nice things.
And...I apparently covet other people and the way the Lord allows them to experience life.
And for the record, I am going to get these swollen tootsies pedicured today.

So, I suppose....all this to say.....

I am still pregnant. Enjoying feeling Finn's little kicks. Knowing that although my due date is in one week and one day, we might have two weeks left. And I am just going to chill out. Trust in God's perfect plan. Because this life, although I like it think it is all about me, is not... :)

This song is called "You are for me" by Kari Jobe.
I have really enjoyed this song...ever since my friend Terri shared it with me.
So I am going to share it with you.
I hope you have a great day!

A special birthday...one year...a special blessing

2011-09-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been a year.It feels like I held that sweet boy in my arms yesterday.But, no, it has been an entire 365 days that have gone by.Sometimes I feel like I haven't grasped it at all.Then other days I feel like the Lord is so good to have brought him to heaven....to the place that we all long for in eternity. That he never spent a day here on earth.
Wow, the emotions today are full of peace...but they sure are real.I wish my little man were here to celebrate my 28th birthday and his first birthday.I wish we got to do that together. I wish he was about to welcome his baby brother into the world.
But we do. and he is! Because I know he is with Jesus. And I sit and talk with Jesus daily.So I know sweet Briar is here as we celebrate.
{Random} Today Brandon and I both seperately read a part from the book of JUDE in the bible. Right before Revelation. I did not know it was in the bible {embarrasing}....but I read a verse that really struck my heart.
Jude 1:21 "Live in such a way that God's love can bless you as you wait for the eternal life that our Lord Jesus Christ in his mercy is going to give you."
I love this. Live in a way where I am giving of myself...for the gospel...for Christ....and even in that...he can bless me, as I wait for the eternal life that we will have... I do not NEED to be blessed. My life is not about receiving blessing. But even now, I know that we will receive sweet Finn as a blessing in our lives. And for that I am so thankful.

The things that little child has taught me this year about God's absolute sovereignty...his grace...it is unbelievable. The eternal perspective his life has given me.The way his life has made me want to live in a way that I serve and GIVE all that I am...All the time...because being caught up in myself isn't worth the time...It is worth it to pursue Godliness...and pursue the Lord.He has made us realize that the blessings the Lord gives us do not always come the way we imagine. In the package we think. In the perfect way we plan. But they definitely come. You just have to be willing to accept them...whatever they look like.
What an amazing gift God has given me in that.

I love this picture. Almost a PICTURE of God taking Briar to heaven. This picture just is a tangible show of the eternal light of our savior...and how he was shining that day on the outer shell of Briar...and how he shines now...on me while I wait to join my son in heaven. I pray that I will live a long life of influence here on this earth before I go to meet him. But who knows what the number of my days is. So I will live each day with purpose. I say all this with the chance of sounding "CHEESY"...but also just sharing my heart...even if it might come off that way.

I don't think I have shared this before. My little boy, and his sweet face. I love him so much. I wish I could kiss those cheeks today. But I know that the one who does kiss those cheeks is so much better than his momma....although days go by when I still feel like momma would be best.. :) I chose to cover up his little eyes. Because he was not just sleeping, but had moved on...

Later today, we will release balloons and reflect on the blessings that we have in this world...Briar being such a special one to us.

If you live in Columbus...I would love for you to join us.

If not, be thankful for your blessings today, wherever you are!.
I sure am!!

FUN LOVIN

2011-09-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

Well Hello friends!!
Honest moment here.
I thought I was going to go into a black hole this past week! I was not feeling well there for about three days. Not good at all. And I wondered if those were the last two weeks of pregnancy. Nauseous. Cold chills. Grossness. Tired. Couldn't get out of bed. Early Labor? Hormones? A small virus? I can't explain it. But it is pretty much gone. And for that, I don't care WHAT it was...I'm just happy it went away :)
And then I came out of the fog. And I can walk and breathe and eat again.
And I just want to skip around!

I saw a commercial for cymbalta during that day on the couch...
and it said, "are you tired? no appetite? don't want to get up off the couch? {insert more symptoms here..}...maybe you have depression" and I seriously called my midwife and told her maybe that was my problem. She just laughed in my face and told me that we would worry about that if it really becomes a problem, but right now I am 38+ weeks pregnant and just sick or possibly in the beginning of labor.. which is just a normal process. Oh goodness. The things that go through this pregnant brain...

Not that depression is bad. In fact, I am going to be on the lookout. Having a baby within days of the one year anniversary of losing my first son sets me up for an emotional party (not necessarily a happy party) that might be a lot of crazy mixed emotions. So...I'm not ignorant to that possibility after birth...

This picture made me smile this morning. It came from my shower. With my sweet friend Jess, who is moving (DANG IT!) at the end of the year. My poor moustache can't decide what side of my face it belongs on...

This was a free download from Sprik Space.

YOU need to go check out Sprik Space. She has some super cool freebies...all the time. Definitely worth looking in her archives too. I found some super cute things to print.
Kinkos and their crappy copiers were not my friends, so I had to send them off to be printed WELL. How is that for $1-$3 wall art? Well done, I think :)

Plus, this print belongs in my house. Sometimes I forget to speak love. I speak truth in the truest form, if you know what I mean. Sometimes our job is to simply SPEAK LOVE...whether we feel it or not. God calls us to LOVE. Being married allows us TO LOVE. If we constantly just speak frustration...what kind of home are you creating? Well...it's a good reminder for me, at least...

I am praying for continued energy and good health as I prepare to deliver this sweet boy. Brandon and I are so excited to meet him. We are scared of his crazy crying {how do I stop this crying?!} ...but knowing that God will allow us to handle every little bit of it :) We are so excited to welcome a new addition. And getting more and more excited to receive our referral...although I will be honest and say we are getting a little anxious...looks like it will be NOVEMBER...because of when our packet arrived in Ethiopia...they count the six months from that point, rather than when you turn it in (tricky...) But, the good news is...the boys will probably be CLOSER in age now. Because if you figure we get a six month old referral in SEPTEMBER...they would be six months apart, but if we get one in November...they will be FOUR months apart...so I feel like God knows every part of this journey. I trust that.

Today, I think I am going to attempt to go POST tailgate an Auburn football game. {meaning go after the game is over and hang out for a while outside the stadium...} it is getting much cooler here...and I figure if I only go for a couple hours...I should be okay... :) Plus, my mom had me after sitting out at a hot football game all day...so here goes my best try.. ;)

Love to you this SATURDAY!!! :)

Little Man Shower

2011-08-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

The amazing KATE WHITMORE took these photos of Finn's shower. I LOVE them.
I love my friends.
Some of you did not get invites. It is because I am spacey. Not because I don't love you. PLEASE hear me when I say that. Pregnancy brain is NO JOKE. It is a real occurence.
It was a very fun celebration. This was about a month ago.
But I am just getting things together to go on the blog.
Wow, efficient, huh?

I am not sure why my photos have these huge spaces in between them. Don't mind them, just enjoy looking at my "Little Man's" shower. Sweet Finn, I cannot wait to meet you. I need to go buy some red rasberry tea and evening primrose oil. Some natural labor "inducers" since we are getting to that point where I would be excited if he came. I was SIX WEEKS early when my mom had me....so three weeks early (full term...37 weeks...) would be no problem! :)

I have been praying for a very UNEVENTFUL labor. Right now he is head down, but laying the wrong direction so I might end up with some pretty exciting back labor. So I am praying he will turn. But if not, I am just excited that the day is coming where I will meet him. The nursery will be DONE as soon as I get my other set of curtains. Pretty exciting.
My friends threw me the coolest shower I have ever been to...just being honest :) I hope you have a wonderful TUESDAY!

Gone awhile...

2011-08-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

I keep putting off posting.
WHY?!?
No clue.
I feel like I have so much to say that I just choose to say nothing at all.
Between all my emotions...
I am just a bumbling mess.
And I hate to capture that in writing :)

Half the time I am so, so excited about what is coming.
The rest of the time I am terrified.
Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to leave me alone. If I were just gaining weight because I was fat, I sure hope you wouldn't walk up and tell me so.
So why can people say it when I am pregnant.
Usually, friends are awesome. It is the strangers and acquaintances that really drive things home.
Anyway, life happens that way.
I am positive that I am a little extra crabby with not sleeping at night. Probably 10 times last night I got on my hands and knees in bed and did some yoga stretching and then tried to fall back asleep. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my pregnancy pillow I almost go crashing to the floor when I try to roll out of bed to go potty.

I look a little creepy.
It is 5am.
Before the baby shower that my gym friends threw me at 6am...
When you work out at 5:30am every day for 3 years...you develop some friendships...
Most of the ladies are my mom's age...
But I love them..
And they have shared life with me. Walked through some really tough times.
So I was completely blown away when they wanted to skip our Friday workout and celebrate Baby Finn.
So darn sweet.

Taken with the little point and shoot...
all 36 weeks of me.
Praise God for a GROWING and HEALTHY child.
That is making me Large and in CHARGE.
I feel good about it.
Because it means he is growing!

Life is weird right now, not working. I am doing a lot of photo editing, photo boook making, etc. I am also working (volunteering) in a couple ways at my church.

My hubby runs the growth groups at our church, so since he is working full time, I want to help.
We are working hard to get growth groups at our church up and running for the fall semester. I might be out of commission a bit when they first start, so I want to prepare. It is funny, because there is always some excuse for me not to lead. Oh, I'm working. Brandon is deployed. I'm so tired. I'm overwhelmed, etc. As I talk to other friends and hear the same thoughts, I realize that there will ALWAYS be SOMETHING or SOME REASON not to lead. Just yesterday morning, I felt pushed to lead a walking group. Come to find out, two other people had similar ideas. I might do something else, but I definitely think I am going to lead. With a great co-leader...so if I have a fussy baby, I can take a day off...

But God blesses our sacrifice to step out and lead. Not saying it is wrong to take time off from leading..everyone is in a different season in life...my friend R needed some time off...and she has lead for a while...and I think in this season she should take time off. But I guess what I'm saying is...when I think about relaxing...and then I think about the book "Radical" or "Crazy Love" and about how we are called to love God with REcKLESS ABANDON and serve him....whatever that looks like.

For our family, that means sometimes serving until it is uncomfortable...because when I get to the end of my life, I don't want to just say, "Hey God, I lived a really comfortable life and I served you as much as I felt like I could"...I want to be able to say, "God, I did more than I was capable of, because I know that YOU are capable of SO MUCH MORE than I could EVER ask or IMAGINE!".... I do think that in different seasons it will look different...because we are also called to minister within our families, to our children. But for now, I feel like that is where I am.

Just a thought that I have been having lately.
Last semester I did not want to lead anything.
And then we did and it was so fulfilling.
And incredible. And challenging to my faith. And we saw people in our group come to know the Lord, and grow in their walks...and it was just an amazing encouragement.
And to think that I didn't even want to lead...
Last night we had a party to encourage leaders and it was just amazing to see all the awesome volunteers we have at our church. Living out the gospel and choosing to give of their time and energy ....to serve...it is so neat!

I guess sometimes I get in a funk. And I forget how amazing God is.
I can't wait to see his blessings through this baby that is coming into our family....but also through our adopted son Eli...and the people that he will place in our path in ministry this year.

I can never say, "I have enough friends"....because the Lord doesn't tell me to find friends, buckle down, and chill out. He tells me to step out of my comfort zone and disciple his people. To pour into others. I want to keep my core group of friends close. But I always want to step out and disciple others....and pour my life into theirs...even in my life is messy and imperfect.

Wow...that was all over the place.
Don't come talk to a crazy pregnant lady, if you want nice and organized....

Give1Save1

2011-08-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on...but my photoshop is acting up, so I keep putting off posting because I don't want to post with no picture or a lame picture. So for now, I'll use one or two that relate to something going on RIGHT NOW.
Ashley Ann, who I have been a secret (PUBLIC) blog stalker for quite a while gave a sweet girl, Beth, my name. {oh blog world, how I adore your innerworkings..} Beth is a strong believer who has a vision for seeing orphans find forever homes. In fact, her family is in the process of raising their adoption finances for an adoption from ETHIOPIA...obviously a place close to my heart... She started an awesome website, Give1 Save 1, that basically has the idea that if each person gives $1, it will bring these sweet babies that much closer to coming home! Your $1 really will make a difference.

Different families will be featured each week, and I personally plan to give each week...because who can't spare $1/week....knowing that the eternal impact is so great?

Just go check it out!

If you go over to give1save1....you could give...or at the bottom of my blog.
Whatev.
Kind of crazy what can happen when people come together.
Also, if you look above, you will see a SUPER sneak peek of some of our maternity shots! They are low resolution files for now...so be watching sweet capture photosite for the rest to come up! Also, you can see the blatant difference in my sweet husband's hair....the pictures WITH HAIR are taken in November 2010...about 2.5 months after we had Briar...right before we conceived Finn... crazy. The only months I have NOT been pregnant in 2010 and 2011... :) The rest were taken about two weeks ago. To be honest, I was really crabby that day. Probably the best day to take photos, right?
I remember praying during them....Lord, give me a loving heart. Allow my heart to be humble towards my AMAZING husband. It didn't work until the end. I finally softened up. Oh, pregnancy hormones...
And to shout out to that amazing husband of mine...he shaved his head, because he knew I loved it. That is a great man....
I began liking him in HIGH SCHOOL right before the STATE SWIM CHAMPIONSHIPS....because I saw him with a shaved head.
Handsome.
And I'm married to him :)

I hope you are doing well! Have a wonderful week.
My goal is to FIX my PHOTOSHOP and begin posting some more pictures!
Feel free to share this if you have a means to do so...blogging platform, facebook, etc. All of us involved with give1save1.com would appreciate it!

OOps...it is August...

2011-08-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

Well, what is up with me lately?
Other than spending $410 in gasoline in the last week?
OMG.
I need a job.
No, I don't...I just don't need to panic. :)

Oh, wait, except for the $379.00 air conditioning bill. For the whole summer? Oh no, just the month of July. I love old houses!! I do not love their lack of insulation and old drafty wood floors, etc.

Anyway, that really has nothing to do with what I Have been doing lately.
Although the air conditioning helps me stay sane.
Because I am incubating a child.
And it is incredibly warm in this body right now.
But I really appreciate the warm body. I appreciate watching my belly jump around whenever I am still.
I love knowing this little man even before he makes his appearance.
I already KNOW that I will miss being pregnant.
This is sweet, sweet time.
I am sitting in the half finished nursery now. Just so happy to be healthy and feeling my guy kick. Not taking this for granted.

In our childbirth class, they said that many children already have their personalities. I think this guy does. Because he moves just like Briar. LIKE CRAZY.

I stole this print from a sweet blog.....you NEED to check out. It is called give1save1. The premise being that you give $1 and you help a family with their adoption expenses. Guess who the family is NEXT WEEK? I will tell you more then!!

We are also EAGERLY awaiting our Ethiopia REFERRAL! Our program coordinator said that NOONE usually waits longer than 6 months. In fact, she said noone has waited longer than that yet....so we put everything in to the agency in March, which technically means it should be by September...by the time this baby is born!!

Crazy!

We can't wait to meet both of these boys! :)

32 weeks, random life...

2011-07-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

I am finally home after a week away.
I feel like I am barely catching up.
And we are going to leave again next weekend to go out of town again.
But this time it is with my husband, which I am so happy about.
He has been so busy at work.
I am so excited that we will get some time together. He is my best friend...and I have missed the time together!
I have been excited to show Brandon all the fun things I got in Kentucky.

This is the double stroller that I got at one of my showers. I am so excited and I long for the day that I have my two boys to go in there :) I left it in Kentucky for now, but I'm going to pick it up next time I"m there! I have the canopy down on ONE side because I'm wondering if I can get away with jogging with only one child in there....and putting the canopy down on the other side... :) I have big plans...

Then there is this guy. I spotted him on the side of the road on trash day in Kentucky when I was on the way to my in law's house. I wanted to stop and get it, but I was running late. On the way home, I seriously considered stopping to get it, but I wondered if a big pregnant girl trying to grab trash (ie. large, heavy chair...) off the street and throw it in her luxury station wagon might attract attention. (PS...trying to get rid of the luxury station wagon. Will even take a mini van...really ANYTHING but a jaguar station wagon. It has 30,000 miles...do you have something you want to trade me?? :)

Anyway, I told my dad I needed to go check something out. I suckered him in. He was embarrassed, but followed my directions to grab this chair from the side of the road. So we got it...and I hauled it all the way back to Georgia. I can't decide if it will be mostly a photo prop or if I will use it in the house. Either way, the color is pretty cool :) The faded areas look worse in the photo than they are. It just looks pretty cool in person :)

This is all for now.
32 weeks.
Saw a friend who was due with her baby the same day as Briar. She is a great friend and I see her all the time. But I had a moment where I just looked at him and wished that Briar were here....that he would be that big...but I know he wouldn't be that big, because the Lord always intended for him to live his life in heaven. But I sure wish he were here...and I got to experience that now.

As we move forward with Finn, I know we will have moments of sadness, missing Briar, but I sure can't wait for that immense joy that will come with holding a sweet baby in my arms.

8 weeks or less. Pretty exciting!
Can't wait!

Nursery progress...kind of :)

2011-07-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

Recent life has included trying to stay cool in the extreme heat and attending very humbling and sweet baby showers. I have LOVED these baby showers, and I have been overwhelmed by my kind friends and their sweet gifts and thoughtful words. I love that people acknowledge Briar in the midst of the JOY of Finn. I haven't forgotten him, and it means so much when my friends don't either. So thanks for that, friends!!

The nursery is coming along. My friend Karlissa...who is the BEST...made me curtains for the nursery that look kind of like this.

We found these on pintrest...from this website...
We saw on another blog how someone had painted their curtains. So we tried that. And it failed.
So she surprised me at the shower by bringing me these. I felt so loved. What a SWEET gift. Especially because I know she wanted to keep them for herself.

I also bought this dresser from her...

Which I LOVE LOVE LOVE and it will match my crib skirt very well. I wanted to do mostly muted...grays and blacks and whites...with some pops of color.
The main 'pops will be turquoise and yellow. I 'pinned' this to my pintrest and my friend Jamie (who is so COOL) saw it and then MADE IT!

This came from here.

My last shower had lots of mustaches....and bowties...can't wait to share it with you.

For now...this is a glimpse into my nursery. It's not nearly done. I better hurry up!

I am 32 weeks and went to see the midwives today...and he is head down...yay :) Sweet, sweet guy....I will get as big as I need to get if it means you are healthy. I am working hard to stay healthy...but the occasional ice cream (okay, daily..) is a part of life lately...

We are SO EXCITED to meet you! But we will go to lots of movies for the next eight weeks...because people say that it stops once the babies come...

HAPPY TUESDAY to YOU!!

Business of being AWESOME...

2011-07-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

Found this at Joy's Hope a while ago.

I hope this helps if that ever happens to one of your friends. Even as time goes on, it means SO MUCH when you remember. Thanks, also, for just rejoicing with me as the Lord continues to bring us blessings as we walk through more of our grief.

I feel so lucky to have this baby that is kicking me every day. I feel lucky that I am not going back to a classroom in a couple days. I am able to get ready for this baby to come. I am going to miss teaching SO MUCH. I love being with the kids and really affecting their hearts and their lives. I feel so passionate about allowing them to really know how to be kind people and treat others well. But, for now, I will have to worry about meeting the needs of my newborn. And eventually, I will get to parent in the same way I teach...by loving these kids even when they drive me crazy....by teaching them how to be kind, how to obey, how to trust that God has the best for them...even when they are frustrated.

It is a great feeling.
But, I am so scared of the journey of parenting!

Guess what my new motto is as a SAHM?
Yep

I also found this at Joy's Hope...and she said we are welcome to take it! And print it. Happy Tuesday.

And with that, I will leave you with my HANDSOME, NEWLY HAIRLESS HUBBY!
He is so handsome with a shaved head! I just love this guy! When I first started liking him in high school, he had just shaved his head for the swimming state championships. And that shaved head caught my eye, big time.
Oh man, he is handsome.
He doesn't love it shaved.
But I got lucky for our wedding and it ended up being shaved, because he just got back from Ranger School. He has shaved it again several times just to make me smile :)
He did it again last week.
Thanks Hubby!

I hope little Finn has your eyes :) and everything else about you...

31 weeks this time..

2011-07-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with me?
I had these beautiful baby showers.
That were completely honoring to sweet baby Finn.
But goodness, it sure made me miss Briar.
And long for our baby in Ethiopia. Who seems SO FAR AWAY.

Maybe it has something to do with being almost 31 weeks...right where we were this time last year, about to deliver. Maybe it is the extra girth I feel like my belly has...because I just had a baby last year...(just hit 10 months on my mom's birthday, July 13th..)
Maybe it's the double jogger we got as a gift (which we wanted..) that will seem so empty...missing big brother Briar but also missing our boy overseas. It sounds silly. I just need to feel thankful for what we DO have. Which is this baby in my belly....but I can't help but feel the void sometimes.

The frustration could be the lady at Buy Buy baby that asked me when I was due. When I told her, she said, "Oh, I thought it would be much sooner". Guess what? That is the WRONG WRONG WRONG thing to say to a pregnant person. I almost burst into tears and said, "Well, I just had a baby, so my body knows what to do..". Being around other tiny pregnant people makes me feel like a HOUSE anyway...I am trying to just rejoice in the total MIRACLE of babies...birth...pregnancy...and not to worry about how big I am. How fair is it that tons of pregnant people NEVER work out and gain like 10 total pounds. And then I work out about 5-7 days a week and I am just putting it on... :) Oh gosh, I better back up and hear myself. I am complaining huh? I hate the "fair" game. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. I always want to tell people to get over it when they start talking about "It's not fair.." God doesn't promise easy or fair. Sorry! Just feeling a little sorry for myself. It's over now.

The Lord promises us such a journey..but doesn't promise it will be easy. Or simple. But I know that if we rejoice in the hope of the Glory of God, we cannot be let down. Things in this world will constantly let us down. People. Ourselves. Life. But God allows us to have an everlasting hope for our futures. Thank goodness for comfort coming straight from the Lord when I am feeling down.

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

People often ask if we have the nursery ready. Sometimes, doing things like that makes me feel like I am 'jinxing' things. I know that there is no such thing...the Lord knows our whole journey, and although anything could happen, I am choosing to believe the best about what is to come. Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating on Briar's memory to move forward with new things. I haven't forgotten him, but sometimes I feel like I am moving forward without him.

Well...despite this, really enjoying time with family at the moment. And remembering the joys that go with being pregnant. Even as I write this, feeling Finn's elbow or heel pushing out onto my hand. Almost as if to say, "it's okay mom...". I love him so much already. It is so hard for ANYONE to understand. My sweet husband told me he was feeling sad today. Praising God that he aligns our hearts when we are missing our son. Because many others act as if I'm feeling emotional because I'm pregnant. Nope. Or because I'm tired. NOPE. Those might add to it. But I'm feeling emotional because I wish my son were here. I wish he were with me, keeping me up at night to feed him, to play with him. Being a stubborn little guy. That is why I am emotional. It doesn't happen all the time...but when it does, I feel like I just have to let it come. So I will.

Hope in a God so much bigger than we are.

Little Man...27 weeks..

2011-07-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

My little man.

About three weeks ago.

He is BEAUTIFUL!

I am a humble mom, as you can see :)

Super exciting to know that when I drank the diet coke last night, and he flipped out and kicked me to death, that I can savor and enjoy every kick. Knowing there is a little PERSON in there.

So hard to believe.

But the ultrasound makes it seem more real.

SO EXCITING.

Baby Finn, we cannot wait to meet you!

PS. Please don't judge this one way or another, but we are trying to decide between Finn and Finneus Finneas. We will call him Finn, but we just aren't sure if we want him to have more of a FULL name. {what if he is a lawyer? He needs a nice tough name....you can't just be Attorney at Law Finn Whitis....} Plus, we're naming him after Phinehas. (I think I have shared before, where he goes after those that are not obeying God...)

**Edited to take out something I didn't want to come across wrong...and it might to some people, I was just seriously considering if the Lord could be showing me through meaning that we should give this name to our other boy** I am just having trouble deciding on these names, and sometimes I think this baby should be Eli, but that it is "too late" to change because I have already said it out loud. I guess that is why next time I probably won't tell names at all until the end...because I want to be able to change them around if it doesn't feel right. All that to say that I am pretty sure his name is Finn...possibly with an ending...

We might not get our sweet adopted baby for a LONG, LONG time (or, prayerfully, things will speed back up and we will get him soon!)....at the rate Ethiopia's adoptions are slowing down. And we might LOVE his given name...in which case we would probably keep it. So maybe we should give this baby the name Eli, and then wait and see. I love both names... But now it almost seems wrong...

That's why I tell people not to get too wrapped up in these names. They aren't final until the boy arrives :) But...for now...he is Finn :)

And I'm in LOVE with him.

And praying for my sweet boy in Ethiopia...and longing for the day we will meet him. It feels so far away.

P.S. I will always (as long as it's not hateful) keep your comments up if you comment with a name, but if you comment anonymously, I reserve the right to remove..okay? Write me a note instead...

Today...

2011-07-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

I am hanging out with this guy. He has been working NONSTOP lately.
He barely gets off in time for childbirth class.
I am now in my 30th week.
So this guy has been spending the day with me.
Sadly, I am in KY next weekend for baby showers. And when I return he will be gone in the woods for two weeks. Darn Army.
So I'm enjoying today with him.

Today, he shaved his head.
That made me SO SO HAPPY.
His head was shaved when we got married. It was shaved when he proposed (because he was leaving for Ranger school), and it was shaved when I noticed him (again) in high school...because he was getting ready for the swimming state championships. I'm just sayin....a lot of firsts have happened with the shaved head. And I just love it.
And when he gets out of the Army he constantly warns me that he will grow it to his ankles. :)
And wear unbuttoned shirts blowing in the breeze.
I am fearful of that ;)
But happy that the head is shaved now..
and that he is all mine today!

Thinking about Briar..and birth...

2011-07-09T11:25:00.001-07:00

The past several days have been tough. I have no idea why, but I feel like I am just coming to a weird realization... just remembering and reflecting on the loss of Briar. I am really missing him and going through some natural emotions, but just reminding myself of the joy that is to come, and reminding myself of the JOY that he is experiencing in heaven. He was so beautiful, by far the most incredible gift we've ever been given. Getting to a large part (ie. I am large) of my pregnancy makes me realize that I am in a similar spot to when I had Briar. So now we are entering new territory. I am in my 30th week right now We went into the hospital at 31.5 weeks and had him at 32 weeks. So...we are close. And it is scary. I had a dream last night that I was bleeding, and I was so relieved to know that it was only a dream.

Overall, I will continue to REJOICE that our boy is in heaven. I will also continue to feel the emotions I have, to give Briar all the attention he deserves. But this sweet boy in my belly...I will rejoice for his health and continue to have huge hope for his future!

Last night, we had a celebration for Samuel....a WELCOME to the WORLD party, if you will :) I took zero pictures (whoops...) but it was a lot of fun. I can tell samuel has gotten a lot bigger, but he is still most likely below 7lbs. To hold him and realize that I have a 2lb baby in there now...and that I will birth a baby this big....wow...I was in awe all night!! It is just crazy to think about! It is a true miracle...that God has created in us the ability to create humans....just unbelievable...

Anyway, enough rambling. Happy Saturday to you!!

Thinking of Briar...

2011-07-05T11:48:00.000-07:00

One of the things I treasure the MOST from my time with Briar is the photos I have to REMEMBER everything. It is sad how much my memory fails me sometimes. I WISH I would have had my video camera at the hospital. I will definitely have it this time. Even Brandon has trouble understanding, saying, "Well, we don't need that many photos this pregnancy, I am more concerned after he is born, we just did this...". I just take NOTHING for granted....knowing that I Have no guarantee about this baby, although there is surely a HUGE hope and prayer that this baby will be 100% healthy. I just don't want to take it for granted. So we will have some photos of this pregnancy, because we want to appreciate every part of this journey with baby Finn.

I have been thinking of Briar a lot. I am about 29 weeks. At this point in my pregnancy with Briar, I was getting very, very full of fluid. I was uncomfortable. But, with no extra fluid this time, I still feel super uncomfortable :) Oh well!!

I really want to order a print that the AMAZING, INCREDIBLE CAPTURE PHOTOGRAPHY (JESSICA FLYNN) took of us while we were pregnant with Briar. I am missing him so much lately, but it feels silly to talk about a lot of times. Brandon definitely understands and there are several friends that I know will always listen, but it is so tough. I find myself just feeling sad some days during this pregnancy, and I'm just missing him. Knowing that he is rejoicing in heaven right now...and HONESTLY that is a better place than here in my arms, but boy, it doesn't feel that way...

Either way, I want a print on my walls to remember that pregnancy, that child. I am trying to decide what photo to print on metal. I scored a groupon for $39.00 for an 11x14 metal print, but since I already had a $10 off coupon, it was only $29.99!

If you want to place your vote, I need some help! I love the bottom photo, but I don't know if it shows the pregnancy well enough... :) Would love your thoughts.

Isn't Jessica Flynn AMAZING? I know...she really is...

28 weeks and a premie..

2011-06-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

Wow. I can't believe I am 28 weeks. I remember when I was 28 weeks with Briar. I had so much fluid. The kicks and movements felt different that time around. Briar moved more, because he had a swimming pool to move around in. :) I feel like I look just as big this time...(two pregnancies in a row will do that to you..) but I donn't have nearly as much fluid. Tonight I had a sad moment, just thinking of Briar. Thinking of how I could barely remember his face. How his nose went up into the top of his forehead. It's hard to remember. It makes me feel like a bad mom. He's my son. I should know. But our time together was SO SHORT. Much too short. But to think of him now...in heaven...how can I feel sad for him? The only person who I can feel sad for is me :) That I missed out on his life on earth. But I surely can't feel sad for him. He is with our Father in heaven. No better place, in my opinion.

Finn moves quite a bit too, but in a different way. I hear more pushing out (almost like a bruise) on the top of my skin. I love being pregnant, and I feel so lucky that my pregnancy is super easy. I am still working out every day, and really enjoying it! A guy at the gym told me that my baby will come out working out. Well, obviously not doing squats down to the ground... :)
Teresa Cotey, I laughed and laughed about your comments about living in a country where you were forced to squat to use the bathroom.....this is so true...most people that come from overseas have no problem with this kind of squat. It was a NECESSITY, not a choice.
Not me. :)

My belly looks lumpy at the top. He is just moving all around. I often feel like he is on one side or the other. A lot of people mention it when they see my belly. He is on one side or the other. So goofy. I forgot to remind Brandon that the little focus dot needed to be on my eyes...not on the chalkboard. So enjoy the chalkboard focused photos :)

Just recently, I think I told you that my friend Priscilla delivered a healthy baby after enduring several losses. I was so enthused to meet him that we did a quick photo shoot the day I saw him at home in his new nursery. Sweet Samuel.
One of the best purchases I have made recently at my local thrift store was the vintage scale that I got for $8. How awesome is that? So,so sweet.

Oh. My. Goodness. I saw him today and he is now three weeks old. He was two weeks old here. SO HANDSOME!!!! I love him!! He was just a sweet, 5 lb. premie. Excuse me for missing the ounces here...but he was just a little, handsome snugly man.

Thank you for your opinions on the nursery fabric. Keep it coming. I need help. I have been trying to go see a dresser my friend has for about two weeks now. Just ridiculous how crazy my life seems. How? I am not working?! It makes me wonder if I will be LESS productive while staying at home. When I have to work I manage my time very efficiently, because I have to. When I am not working, sometimes my ADD self gets to roam.

I did decide on a name for my photography. It is based on what I often say. I tell people all the time, "Hello, friend". I feel like it is a cheery way to greet someone. I call my students friends. I call adults friends. Unless they dont' seem kind, then they do not get this title. I suppose, as I name my photography, my hope is that anyone I take photos of will be doing this so that I can invest in their lives. So I can capture a moment in their lives, a season. Every change in our lives is marked at a moment in time, but it will not stay this way for long. As I photograph life, I really love capturing moments. And my hope is that by the end of a photo shoot, that they can call me a friend. If not, I dont want to take photos of you...it is important to me that I can connect with every person and/or family that I take photos of. It makes it much easier to show personality in photos.
You will see some tweaking on this logo.
But this is the draft one that I am putting on my print releases now.

I am not taking any new shoots at the moment, but if you are interested in future shoots, I can take your name so that when my schedule opens up, I can let you know! :)

Starting to think about the nursery

2011-06-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

You all are all smart.
Can you help me with some decorating...

Here is the wall color I'm using in the nursery. My AWESOME friends Noelle and Rebecca came to paint while Brandon had a crazy week in the field. I love them!

This is it. It might not look awesome, but it is.
All the trim is white.
It looks nice.
The crib is white.

I am going to look at friend's dresser. It is turquoise. It is not going to match my crib skirt, I feel sure of it. I picked this turquoise and didn't realize quite how dark it would be. Rebecca's mom {big momma} is making it.

I still love it, but I don't know how light i can blend...will that go with a lighter turquoise? My plan is to accent with yellows and turquoise...and just a little bit of red. Trying to accent with pops of color.

I want the curtains to be yellow. I am going to {attempt} to make them. It is between these two..

Actually, do you see the side of my blog? I would love it if I could find fabric like that to accent with! I found these on fabric.com for about $8 a yard. I wish I could find cheaper, but using a coupon there, I think it is about as cheap as I can get. Do you have an opinion on the fabrics? Any thoughts? Even if you don't know me, I'll take your opinions...

Okay, and then there is this guy. I just love him...so he needed to be included in this post somehow.

We have been going to childbirth class. It is interesting and definitely teaching me a lot about staying healthy now to stay low risk. I was already doing most of it. One thing I can't do? A squat that makes me butt TOUCH THE GROUND with my feet pLANTED flat. I have bad knees....three surgeries...but can anyone do that? i'm just wondering...ifyou can, don't make me feel bad and tell me... But for the record, I couldn't even do it when I was in my best shape NOT PREGNANT!

Happy Wednesday to you!

Two things...

2011-06-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Well, blogging has taken a backburner.
Two other things have been taking a lot of my time.
First, I have been spending most of my time trying to finish up a beautiful wedding I had the opportunity to take photos of last month. That's right, last month. I have been working like crazy. And I am still not completely satisfied, but I suppose when you are a perfectionist (in some areas..), it is bound to be an issue. I am not always this way, but when it comes to giving a product of something I have done, I want it to be my best. Even if it is not THE best. I want it to be my best. So that means lots of work. Brandon gets frustrated sometimes, because he tells me I spend way too many hours on photography in regards to the money that I make. I tell him I am just learning. He tells me that I am getting less than minimum wage. I think both of us have valid arguments. In the meantime, I am going to work hard to make sure I can give a product I can feel good about.
I am sure in the coming years, with kids, this will be something that we have to figure out....how much time I can/will be willing to spend on photography for what cost and what the effects of that will be. But for now, since I am not working, I have time (and I enjoy) spending most days (all day) on photography.

My friend Jennifer helped me out at the shoot (immensely) and she took these...

The main reason I wanted to learn photography was to take photos of my kids growing up. And now I have that skill, so...mission accomplished... :) The problem that i am realizing...I am NEVER in any pictures! I guess I'm going to have to train Brandon! I was just telling him that poor Finn has no pregnancy pictures!

Okay, and second:
Working a lot on getting adoption fundraising situated.
Once again, i will tell you if you haven not received your shirt that you ordered, would you let me know? I think I got them all mailed out, but I NEED TO KNOW if I did not mail yours!! :)

We are running out of some colors in some sizes, so that is awesome.
One of the best things that has happened since we started selling shirts is this:
A sweet friend, Jessica (who I met through blog land)...who knows my awesome (real life) friend Sarah Howell. Jessica bought a shirt to wear to the homecoming of two Ethiopian babies that a friend of hers adopted.
She sent me this picture:

It made me cry. It really did. I love that there are so many people out there connected through blog land {Christ Jesus} (we would like to think that blogs connect us, but obviously Jesus is connecting all of us through these blogs...) that are reaching out to the poor and the needy. It makes me smile. I wish I knew more people in my area adopting. If you know anyone around Columbus, GA (that would include Atlanta, but it is a little far...) that is adopting, please let me know!!

This is their blog. I have enjoyed following it and their journey with the new boys! I love how honest she is. (My child ran and fell in the pool that he could not swim in yet and I had to learn humility...we've only been parents for three weeks!)

Anyway, back to editing for now. I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday.
I am almost 28 weeks preggo. I'll post a picture ASAP!

The summer so far...

2011-06-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

This pregnancy seems to be flying by! I am 27 weeks already!
We are going to childbirth classes on Tuesday nights and I feel like I am learning a lot.
Our sweet friends Josh and Kelsey are coming with us, which is AWESOME, because with this life, it helps to have BUILT IN time with friends. If the time is not intentional, I feel like we never see anyone!!
And poor Brandon has been sleeping all day (for about 5 hours a day) and then going back to work. Poor guy. And poor me. I don't like being alone, b ut it does give me some time to catch up with some of my introverted self. My summer goal is to get photos put in albums from our high school/college years. I want to be able to look back on them in an album, but I am slowly sucking it up and realizing that I am not going to be scrapbooking them anytime soon. And since kids will just make everything crazier....well...it's time!

I haven't been doing much crafting. Pretty much all my time is spent editing photos. It is like my full time job right now....the full time job that pays minimum wage :) Luckily I do love it!

We have spent a lot of our summer on the boat. We took Emma Jane out for the first time, which we all LOVED.

She wasn't sure about the life jacket. She loved it until we put that on.

Uncle B liked the life jacket a little too much.

He loved introducing EJ to the lake. SHe wasn't sure she liked it with Uncle B in the water, but she had fun with her momma!!

She clung to Amy most of the day, which was super sweet.

She thought Jordan was so funny on the tube...

We got Bella on the tube, which momma did not like (me...)

Off to the gym for spin class....and then editing photos and going to the pool.
This summer life is pretty rough...

Sweet friends...

2011-06-17T13:26:00.000-07:00

We always say that in the army, we make friends and then they move away.
People used to say this about us, but we happen to stay put!
We have only lived two places!
One great example of this is one of our favorite couples....
And they moved away.
And we have been sitting in our house crying ever since :)

They actually moved in with us their last week and a half here.
And it was awesome.
It made me think that I could really live with another couple....because it just felt like we were livingin community. It was fun. It was real. It was AWESOME.
Then they left on a cross country drive to their new home in San Diego.
And they took our hearts with them.
Goodbye, Filers.
Hopefully we will be neighbors again, someday!! We love you guys!!
One of the most fun photo shoots EVER!!

That is their sweet little only dog, Georgia, in the background.. :)

Shirts and such...

2011-06-13T04:47:00.000-07:00

I feel a little guilty to say that I am leaving my husband at home and going to the beach. But I'm only going for a day and a half...so really, I don't think he can be THAT jealous :) My friend Krista's hubby is training often (like Brandon does and used to..) so when he he leaves for an extended period (in Germany) she will fly back to the states. It just so happens she will be home! So I am going to see her....in Hilton Head. Most likely my last beach vacation without kiddos. I plan to read. Did I mention I am about 26 weeks preggo? I am doing great....but definitely growing :)

Photo by my sweet, sweet friend Shara Kramer.

She is awesome! And so sweet! Her hubby was our chaplain at the 82nd in NC and now again here in GA...and they are about to move! So sad...

All that to get around to saying...in a very roundabout way: Have I forgotten to send a shirt to anyone? I know I DOUBLE SENT someone a shirt (whoops!) so it leaves me wondering if I have left anyone out.

I would love it if you still wanted a shirt...We have a limited number of shirts still available sizes S,M,L,XL and probably one 2XL. All colors. If you still want one, let me know! I would love to get you one...so you can support the cause!!

A friend of mine (through blog land) wore her shirt to the homecoming of two boys that came home from Ethiopia in KY. (if you send me the picture, I will post it, I just can't steal it from facebook) And it just made me smile! My friend is taking two shirts back to Germany. I have sold many in Kentucky. I have some that are going to NC. It is exciting to know that the idea of ONE LESS ORPHAN without a family tree can spread....the idea of giving children a home who truly need it.

We are getting low on some of the colors and sizes (Praise God), and we haven't even started really offering them at church. So, we are pumped to see the way the Lord is raising funds for the adoption.

We were excited to get our car seat cover (for strolling, etc..) so Brandon took it out in the sun to see how well it protected.

This has been my perfect morning lately. Workout (early:5:30), come home, relax and read my bible and my Christian Atheist book...journal, make a to-do list for the day, enjoy my (decaf) coffee and breakfast.....out on my nice shady patio. It is really the life. I have it made. :)

No fail, this girl is always sitting right next to me. She is now, even as I write this!

Sometimes, you have to get past YOURSELF

2011-06-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you're living in a bubble, turning everything inward?
Otherwise known as 'feeling sorry for yourself'?
Sure.
We all do. All the time.
I love it when I get a fresh dose of reality. Sometimes all it takes is stepping out for a moment and realizing what is in the world. Your decorating woes or your child who might be making bad choices or your spouse who is annoying or your job that is driving you crazy....they all are RIDICULOUS in the eternal GLORY of our LORD. But boy, they sure seem like HUGE OBSTACLES in the midst of them.

Would you believe that i am stressed (seriously) stressed about the nursery DECORATIONS? I haven't even gotten a crib. But i want it to be so cute. Why? Well, to take my mind off the fact that I am scared to death that a baby won't come home to live in there. Oh goodness. STOP ALREADY. Get out of your little bubble (Brooke) <---inner dialogue ) and realize that there is so much GOOD in your life and in the WORLD. And even in the midst of LOSS, even if we were to lose again (which I don't think we will right now, but we are not promised that...EVER...with anyone....), we know that God is good. And he has not forgotten us. And his plans are PERFECT. Although often MESSY....they are perfect.

I feel thankful that God has taken ahold of my heart, now that I have given him more of my time.
He has given me a complete peace about so much. About this pregnancy. the adoption. About leaving my job (so tough!) for a new job as a mother. About the perfect timing of all of it.

It can seem a little overwhelming. A little bit crazy.
But we have always felt sensitive to listen when we hear God calling. And we did...so we aren't turning away from it, although it does seem scary :)

I was reading this blog today, and it sure made me smile. This woman is incredible. She is listening. Obviously, her call looks different than mine, and yours. But she has such a giving heart. I pray all the time that I would look OUTWARD and not INWARD. That I wouldn't be so selfish with my time, money, my heart...

Today, I went to see my friend Priscilla. I have shared her story of loss before. They lost three babies before this one. You can read about it on her blog. She had a healthy baby boy yesterday. I spent a good hour sobbing about this yesterday. I was SO HAPPY for her. Pure joy. God writes our story. It is not always what we want and it certainly is not always easy to explain or reason...but he certainly NEVER forgets us. Even in the darkest valleys. I am so happy to see redemption and LIFE for her family. If you live in Georgia and would like to take them a meal, even if you don't know them, I know they would feel loved. I am all about rallying around people in their time of need. www.takethemameal.com Their last name is Moore. The password can be obtained by emailing me at brooke.whitis@gmail.com, since it shares their address on there, I don't want any random people clicking through unless you truly want to help them out. If you just want to donate a food gift card, I am sure that would be welcome too!!

These were a couple pics I took of them in our photography growth group last semester at church ;) They are going to be wonderful parents. Sweet little Sam is so little and PERFECT. I was so honored to meet him.

I bet sweet Oba won't know what to do with a baby at home. He has been de-throned as the king of the castle, I feel sure of it :)

Relaxing has meant: No blogging!

2011-06-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

Really enjoying some down time.
School is done, and although I miss the routine, and the kids...
I have been busy with the dogs.
Picking ticks off of them :)

Apparently it is the worst time of year for that.
I have been trying to figure out nursery design.
In addition...trying to decide if we should put our house on the market before we add two children to the family. (Brandon has been in the field and working nights all week, which has left my mind to wander...)
Lots to consider.
As I type, little Finn is kicking away. It is wonderful to feel him now! I love it!

School ended last Friday. My parents arrived Friday. We looked at Lake Houses in Lagrange, GA. I am trying to talk them into moving closer...and if they lived at a lake house, it would be so much fun! I followed them back to Kentucky on Tuesday, and I have been here ever since. I have been trying to spend some time with the Fitzcharles. That is the main reason I came home, to see them, since they are moving to Colorado for a year. I got to watch Evan pitch a baseball game, which was amazing. When I first met Evan, he was two years old :) He is about to enter MIDDLE SCHOOL. It is amazing.

Finn really enjoyed doing a 5k this morning. Since I am in Lexington, I did a 5k with my mother and father in law. It was a lot of fun, and it was the first one they had ever done. It was by far much slower than what I had done in the past, but my pregnant body really enjoyed the slow pace! Officially 24+ weeks...I kind of feel like more...but I kind of feel like less :) I am really feeling excited that I am past halfway. But it feels like there is still a lot to do and prepare for...to be ready for baby...

This afternoon I got to go to a baby shower for a sweet friend of mine from High school (although she knew me in Kindergarten!!). She was such a big part of my life through soccer every weekend for four years...we lost touch for a while in college, but it has been wonderful to reconnect. So MEgsoc, if you are reading this, I am so thankful for you!! :)
If this tells you how juvenile we are, we call each other by our online screen names because we used to chat on AIM instant messenger every night. (Back when that was cool)....

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted. I have been hoping to relax a bit, and it has been somewhat successful :)

Doing two photoshoots in the next two days. Editing the sweet,sweet wedding I did several weeks ago. In fact, that is all I do in my free time :) So, I might still be missing for a while.
But I'll be back.
Hope you have a wonderful Sunday.

Adoption is Inspiring...

2011-05-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

Cooper Hashakimana Allen from jessica taylor on Vimeo.

My sweet friend Hayley (who is a long lost sister I met when I went to live in Macedonia with Campus Crusade for Christ the summer after college) introduced me to her pastor when I went to see her in November. She lives in Austin, TX. She and I have VERY similar hearts (and senses of style, for that matter). She introduced me to her pastor. He and his family were about to go get their little boy from Rwanda. I was grieving the loss of Briar at the time, but was already in the process of adopting ELI. I feel so thankful to have watched this tonight. So, so, so neat to watch this video. I sobbed through most of it. I am hormonal. :)

Jessica Flynn...start saving up...I think we need our moments captured. Buy a tshirt so we can have our moments captured, people :)

On another note...

Please pray for my friend Priscilla. She is another BLM who has had several losses....she is 34 weeks pregnant with little Samuel. THey are inducing her next week. Her last baby, Olivia, was lost for no reason at 36 weeks...(no cord accident...just passed away...) So they have been getting steroid shots for several weeks (months?) to prepare his lungs. I am praying hard for June.1. One week from today, they will do an amnio and probably induce. Praying for a joyous, healthy moment for their family!! Please join me in praying for them. Their journey has been tough...and I am just praying the Lord would reward their faithfulness.

And yet another note...

Please be warned. If I take your pictures during pregnancy...it might take me a while to edit. In fact, I suppose I cannot guarantee my speed with small children in the house either :) Poor Shanda has been waiting several weeks for these photos. And look how I tortured poor, sweet Isabel while trying to take these...

I tried to take some more pictures of EMMA JANE TODAY...as she was born ONE YEAR AGO tomorrow. She wasn't as excited as we were about the pics. Nor the cake, but we still got some cute ones.

Here are a couple we grabbed outside of church on mother's day..ej got dedicated that day! I was wishing Briar were there too...but it was super special and I loved watching this girl...who I saw minutes after she was born..show her grown up teeth to me... :)

Last day of school tomorrow with kids. I better go get pumped up :) It is very bittersweet to leave them :)

Questions, comments, etc...

2011-05-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

Where have I been?
Trying to keep my head above water :)
Trying to love on 22 second graders. Sad that I only have a couple days left.
Feeling bittersweet about leaving.
Feeling Satan attacking my mind and heart about finances.
Recently have had $1600 in unexpected, frustrating costs.
Feeling like we can't make it without my income.
LIE.
But feels real when you are living in FEAR.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
( i have to remind myself..)

I am allowed to feel weak, as long as I rely on the Lord to strengthen me again.
Often, I want to fix it myself.

I shot a wedding in Destin last weekend. It was beautiful, and so much fun. But to put this little preggo lady on her FEET for 12 hours taking photos...well, to say I was pooped would be quite the understatement. It took me all last week to RECOVER :) I had a friend help me as a second shooter and I was so so so glad she was there. She was very NOT PREGNANT and had a ton more energy than I did :) The wedding was a lot of fun, and I got to hang out with Jeff and Christy (our pastor and his wife) on the way down there along with my hubby...so that was a major bonus.

Brandon and I went garage sale-ing Saturday. He was being so selfless, taking ME to yard sales. Guess what happened?
He found new truck tires and a new tool box.
I found nothing :)
I guess that is what you get when you choose to serve your wife by going to garage sales. :)

Thank you for all the baby 'stuff' advice.
Keep it coming.
It (all the baby junk) is so overwhelming, I love to hear opinions from real mammas who have been there.

The stroller we got is the Baby Jogger city select. It is a single stroller. But it will easily convert into a double. I got it on sale and couldn't pass it up....after doing a ton of research to strollers that will convert to doubles. Considering I will have a single child for a short time before adding the second (YAY!) I haven't bought the 'second seat' yet, but I am registered for it.

SPeaking of that, we are **OFFICIALLY** waiting for a referral for a child from ETHIOPIA!! YES!!!!! So that is very exciting. We got all of our USCIS approval paperwork last week and it all got put in. Things are significantly slowing down in Ethiopia, but we all think it will just be for a short time, and that God's perfect timing and plan will work all things out. So no worries on that front, I know the Lord will fit little Eli Matthew into our family in the perfect timing.

We got it in red. We got the bassinet (show in black) as a gift for mother's day :) so that will be what little
Finn cruises around in for the first couple of months. It can also snap the carseat in.

It is pretty fun to see all the different ways that you can position the goofballs...if they are getting along, they can face each other. If they are crabby...they can both face out or face away from each other. Or they can both face me. I think it is a good investment.

I am going to see how much we use strollers, but we might get a super lightweight one that I can throw one baby into if I am out with only one...but I think that will come later when the babies are older. When they are little I think I will mostly wear them :)

It is going to be my 'hybrid' stroller, but I might invest in a BOB down the road, so have an AWESOME running stroller. My plan is to wait on the prowl at yard sales, etc, just like I did for the tandem bicycle. Unwilling to pay full price, I waited and waited and scored our awesome tandem for $30. So....BOB duallie stroller...watch out...I will find you. Craigslist or yard sale...someday you will be mine :)

Our chairs for the boys will be hand me downs from our best buds, the Fitzcharles. The boys were in our wedding a million years ago, and I nannied for them when they were just little fellas. This was a reunion trip a couple years ago...but I found a picture that I took of them when {the twins} were only about 6 months old.

Anyway, the chairs are awesome. They grow with the kids forever...and they are actually a good looking piece of furniture pushed into the table. I used to sit on them sometimes.

And they grow with you...
So I am registering for the baby seat and the tray that can attach but we might end up using the bumbo to eat in a little bit until little guy gets big enough to scoot up to the table. THen he can make a mess right on the table. The twins had high chairs when they were really little, so we might invest in one too...we'll just see what we need.... I know you will probably all say we need one...and we probably do. I just don't want to buy it yet.....I will......

SPeaking of BUMBOS...we had our first shower (at work) today which was so sweet and kind. And we got a bumbo, and a bouncy seat, and a noise machine, among other fun things! I was really excited to start to get some fun baby stuff! And I felt really honored. I hate that sweet Briar missed out on some of that....but he did get a pretty special love shower.

Breast pumps still confuse me a lot because I want to stay home...but I feel like I will need one...wanting to be as active as I always am...I just don't know!

Cloth diapers will not be what we start with. But I am thinking on it for the future...we will see. I'm just not sure if it will work well for us. Another thing that will just depend on life...and how I settle into the world of being a mom. Do you know how many things you must do INTENTIONALLY to do them well. I believe being a parent is one of them. But I don't necessarily know the right way to do that, I just know that as I think and pray through the journey of being a mom, and I feel led to do things, I will do them REGARDLESS, and I will be INTENTIONAL to do them...because I believe that God has placed that ability in me...to be an intentional parent. But it doesnt' always mean knowing what is right immediately. So...cloth diapering will wait until I figure out how to nurse and deal with spit up and get my child brought home from a third world country ;)

On another note, if you use DISPOSABLES....what do you think about a diaper genie? Seems unnecessary (and expensive for refills..), but then I think about my dogs, and all the trash they get into....is it necessary? Is it worth it?

What about bassinets? I have a friend that said I could borrow one...but I don't know if I will need it....i guess it is different for EVERYONE...so who knows...

Pack and play...same question...will I use it? If you use yours...tell me when.... if you don't....tell me why. Very confused about these little contraptions.

Well, it's the last week of school.
I have not gone back into full fledged blogging mode.

But do you know where I spend way too much time?

PINTREST!
It is awesome!
You can "pin' all the things you love. All the ideas you find all around, and it catalogues them into links so you don't have to bookmark everything in the world.
So I have been gathering things I love for nurseries.
Oh. my. word.
So fun.

This is a screenshot of about 1/25th of my nursery pin board.

HEre is some more.

I am sort of obsessed with gray walls, white bed....pops of color. We will see.
I adore it.

But for now...that is enough all over the place random talk.
Goodnight!

Lots of Momma Questions...

2011-05-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, you're always told to ask people who are more experienced.And most people who read this blog are moms.I get so confused about all this baby stuff.And I know everyone has a different experience with all of it.But, the questions I have are endless.I want to begin registering, because we are having a shower at my school in a couple weeks.But I feel so CLUELESS!
If you feel like it...answer one of these in the comment section.
1. Does the brand/type/etc. of breast pump really matter? There is one that is $279 and claims to be super quiet, one for $329...then various others for cheaper. Anyone breast feed and have tips on this? Here are some I found at Target.
2. Has anyone had an upholstered glider? Did you like it? Is it worth it? I really want one that looks like an armchair so that we can keep it when kids are getting older... any tips or ideas about this?
3. Does anyone have a BOB Duallie jogging stroller? They cost $650. I know that is a ridiculous amount of money for a stroller. I have heard that they have an incredible 'push' and they are just awesome. I found a DUALLIE on Craigslist for $450. I am tempted to buy it (almost new condition), but I have heard from several people that the Schwinn Grand Turismo is pretty nice. and very comparable to the bob for much less. It is $289. Any thoughts on this? I will be jogging and moving with my kids a lot...but I don't know that I need a $650 stroller...Better yet, does anyone want to sell me a used one? :)

Schwinn

On Craigslist

4. Has anyone tried cloth diapers? I am so tempted...but also very much not... :) We do not have a wash sink, so I am afraid of it being disgusting and time consuming. But in the interest of saving the environment and money (more the latter), I am interested. I was looking at g reusable diapers...just curious if anyone had tried it and had feedback?

5. What about diaper bags? I am sort of an 'overpacker'....but I don't want a bag that is too huge...
I like this one (and it seems like it might be big enough), but I like this one better. I think that from reading the reviews, I need a bag that will CLOSE, and the second one doesn't. Thoughts? Reviews? :)
If you care enough to give me feedback, then I really like you. Because I'm so clueless. I don't know about baby stuff.

As I write, I feel this little man, sweet Finn, kicking me LIKE CRAZY. It feels so good (at 21 weeks) because I haven't been feeling him too much up until now. So, Praise God tonight. Brandon is in the field. He is gone. And I am feeling this baby to fill the void. :)

ONE LESS T-shirts...GET YOURS! :)

2011-05-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

HOORAY!!!!! Our shirts are here!! Our amazing church MYCHURCH decided to support the cause of orphans and help with our shirt fundraiser!! We are selling these shirts to help bring home our little Eli (Briar's little brother) from Ethiopia. We found out yesterday that our Dossier arrived in Ethiopia. We also found out our shirts are here! We are still months away from meeting this boy (sadly), but every little thing we do makes me feel one step closer to him!
The colors might not be perfect in these photos. I took these after dark yesterday, so the white balance is a little off. I will take some more in good light ASAP. We have three colors to choose from, Gray, Light Blue, and Green. The world is yellow and the tree is a super light brown. They are a very soft t-shirt (we are super picky about the shirts being really soft). We have S,M,L and XL. We would love for you to donate $20 a shirt (or more, if you feel moved to do that, but PERSONALLY, I wouldn't pay more than $20 per shirt!).
You can email me at brooke.whitis@gmail.com if you would like to mail a check or money. Otherwise, you can donate at the bottom of the blog (scroll down to where it says Chip In, click on it, and donate $20 per shirt) Then email me, or put in your paypal checkout what size and color you would like. If you would like it mailed, please add $5 for shipping!

We can't wait to see where God takes this adoption journey! We hope you will help us spread the news not of our adoption, but of creating an opportunity for ONE LESS orphan in the world. That is why the shirt is not only Africa. We have started a non profit through our church called ONE LESS ORPHAN. It is designed ot help support (hopefully soon in an emotional and educational capacity, as well as financially) adoptions that go on for the next (however may) years that our church exists. We want to empower people here and across the United States to take a stand for orphans. In their community, in our country, and across the world. Every person can make a difference...whether that means you just donate, or you adopt yourself, there is some way you can help. Soap Box, DONE. :) I know that some people are not supposed to adopt, don't get me wrong. I just think that we can all do something to make an impact.

The light blue looks a little more BLUE than this...

Green, with my 21 week belly and a tired face with no makeup :)

Gray on my 'should be a model' husband :)

I hope you like them. I hope you will get one.
If not, maybe you'll participate in the 5k that is going to be this fall. We are trying to work out logistics, but it looks like October. I might be running with a newborn!

As part of the Mama Project..

2011-05-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

I was on the news..

which, let's be honest, is a little weird.
But it was done by a super sweet girl. Who loves blogs. And has a heart for baby loss.
So it felt really comfortable. And honest.
It felt good to talk about Briar and his sweet little life.

I thought it was sweet. We want to offer hope to mommas who have lost. Their journey can move forward, regardless of the pain they are feeling.
on Wtvm.com there are "extras" and I am in there too...sort of crazy...
Today, I am choosing to feel hope...as I am trying to remember to choose each day!
Whatever is true, . . . honorable, . . . just, . . . pure, . . . pleasing, . . . commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

-Philippians 4:8 (NRSV)

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up with a happy heart this morning.
My hubby sprinkled Reeses on me and had a card for me. I opened it up and it was a super sweet card written from him...and he also wrote from Briar, Eli and Finn. (notes from each of them). It made me smile and cry....and then I opened the prenatal massage that I will get to take advantage of, and I just smiled!!
Church was incredible today. Christy Murphy, Jeff's wife, brought an amazing message. A message that reminded everyone to rejoice and praise God in their circumstances. Being a mom is the hardest job I can think of. But there are other tough things going on out there. She brought up a mom who is just an incredible testimony of praising God in the midst of Trial. I had the opportunity to hang out with her today, and host her and her sons as they were our guests at Mychurch this morning. From the moment I met her, she was all smiles and positive. And her story is one that might not make you feel so positive. From losing a house, job, family members, etc....she has stayed in a mind set to stay positive, as it will not do her any good to be negative. I love that attitude. You can go here to read more about him and their journey. They are determined to make the most out of his LIVING. I love that attitude.
Her son Ty was diagnosed, at age 10, with Huntington's disease. This disease is fatal and will take his life within 5 to 10 years. He turned 15 today. He is in a wheelchair and has lost the ability to speak or eat normally, but he has not lost his spirit. He would reach out for hugs all the time, and he was admiring the beautiful girl singing on stage. So much so that he started making noise when his mom and I began talking....begging us to take him back in to the SECOND service in a row...he didn't want to miss the pretty girl on stage... :)

I love taking the focus off ourselves.
It is so easy for me to wake up and feel sad, during the baby dedication, that my baby was in heaven with Jesus, while my other two babies are not here with me yet. Yet, I have no reason not to praise God. He has given me everything I need. He has provided me with health. With a loving husband. With food and shelter. With everything he has for me at THIS MOMENT. So, with that, I am going to enjoy every little bit of pregnancy and the waiting that comes with adoption. Soon enough our house will be full of laughter and tears and screaming and CRAZY....so for now I will just use these moments to relish the quiet moments on the hammock :)

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the mommas out there!

My father in law sent me this today. It made me smile. They were up there today, in London, KY...and they went up to the top of the hill to visit the tree and the stone...we know my boy is not there...he is with his Father in heaven...but it is such an amazing place to go and see a representation of his life. :) So glad he sent this!
Thinking of our boy in heaven, our boy in my belly (almost 21 weeks..) and the boy that is waiting for us in Ethiopia...who might not even be born yet.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the mommas!

{One Less} Photography and T-shirts...almost here..

2011-05-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Photography is so much fun for me to do. It is a way to document what is happening in my life. It is a way to give the gift of photography to others. I am about to announce my summer schedule and available dates. Hope you will join me for a session...would love to meet your family and have some fun with you, while trying to get another step closer to bringing our boy home from Ethiopia!! These are just a couple fun photos I have done lately with some awesome friends from Photography group!

{One Less Orphan} T-shirts will also be coming SOON!

Recently I read a blog (that I plan to stalk forever) about a girl whose family adopted a boy while they were pregnant. She is overwhelmed at times...and I know I will be too...but she is having a great time and enjoying her sweet family. I am so excited to enjoy the boys that will be joining our family!

Two weeks ago...

2011-05-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

This was on Easter. I was 18.5 weeks. Hard to see the bump perfectly. It actually looks bigger than it is here. But...I'm definitely growing!
Easter was a LONG LONG day...because we stayed for all four services. And it was hot...
And amazing.
And fun!
But ....
at the end, we cleaned up, and I got the balloons. And that is where these pictures came from!

In all, it was an incredible day where we heard the gospel presented clearly. Where over 30 people accepted Christ in one day. What an amazing blessing!

Brandon was the Easter Bunny for all four services' easter egg drop, so he was not dressed in his best. He was SO SWEATY...the costume was so gross... but he still looked handsome! This picture is with our sweet friends Natalie and Kevin who are moving to California this weekend. They are staying with us until then and we are enjoying every moment!!

Happy Wednesday to you!

20 weeks and SO HAPPY!

2011-05-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

WOW.
I always feel like there is so much to blog about.
But then I never do.
Time is flying, because school is BUSY!
But I am loving every moment, because I will miss it soon!

But let's be honest, the main thing wearing me out is this sweet baby in my belly. 20 weeks! Hard to believe.

No updates on the adoption, waiting on USCIS approval. Still praying for sweet Eli.

This past week we had field day.
Oh, you don't know about field day?
A full day of 400 crazy elementary school children running and playing games in a field....while I chase my 22....and show them the chair that I will be resting in...

Last year, on field day, was the day I found out Briar definitely had a fatal birth defect. My friend Catherine and I went to the doctor that morning. And then I came back to school. I didn't want to be home alone. Brandon was still gone. We still got confirmation another week later, but he said he was 99% sure that day. I remember sitting on the side of the field with my back to my kids, waiting for Brandon's call from Afghanistan. Trying to figure out how to put it into words that his son wasn't going to make it. It was one of those days that was hard to re-live. And I was right...it was a hard day. But, I made it through. With this baby. This baby that will make it...God willing.

So, after that tough Friday, I fought with many emotions and battles from Satan over the weekend. I was convinced that something was wrong with my belly baby because I hadn't felt him yet. I am 20 weeks....I felt like I should feel him. Then some sweet girl said what every pregnant girl wants to hear, "You are so tiny! You haven't grown at all!"....(seriously, so sweet!)....but Satan twisted that and made me think, "Is something wrong? Am I not growing?"....

I prayed all through church. My friend Christy prayed with me. My friends Natalie and Kelsey prayed with me at church. I was very overwhelmed in my mind, but trying to appear nice and controlled. I texted my midwife, and told her that I was nervous, but I know everything is fine. She called me immediately and asked if I was home. I was, of course, having skipped the afternoon Spin class I had aspired to attend. She said she would be right over. And on my couch in the middle of the afternoon, we found that heart beat. And I felt silly for worrying. For doubting.
But I felt relieved.
And we cried together.
For Briar.
For this sweet baby.
For the fear and the hope and the promises that God gives us. For a hope a future (jerm. 29:11). But he doesn't promise perfection. Or a life that is 50 or 90 years long. He just promises hope. So I will cling to hope, and just smile at these photos of my little guy...

Because Monday we got to go see him in real life. Moving around on the ultrasound.
And he is definitely ALIVE.
All 10 fingers and ten toes.
He looks GREAT!

So, on this Tuesday night, I have lots to say. Lots to share.
But I'll leave it at that.
Little guy is alive and well in my belly.
So I will embrace the stretch marks, the growth, the weight gain...
and pray for his healthy entrance into this world in 20 more weeks :)